Blame It On Menopause

Menopause.

Even saying the word out loud feels bold—a small act of defiance against a cultural framework that has long overlooked women’s human experiences. It’s not just about neglect or misunderstanding; it’s about a system that, intentionally or not, has minimized the value of women’s voices in favor of maintaining a status quo that rarely serves us. It's a universal experience for women. The minimization affects us starting out in our careers and hits an all time high as we hit our stride. #Sexism and #ageism are alive and well in 2025.

This isn't a "men versus women" thing. Women do it to other women on the daily. Yes, women can be sexist and ageist toward one another. I see it on display widely here on LinkedIn. You've probably experienced it. Maybe you've even perpetrated such a thing. Come on...be honest with yourself. You're not a horrible person if you have. You're human. As such, awareness is the beginning of any worthwhile change.

If we are to grow past this fixed mindset about ourselves as women, we have got to call it out. Starting with ourselves.

No policy is going to do this for us. No mandate can get to the heart of bias. Bias is pervasive and until it is brought into the light for deep examination, it underscores every thought we have, every action we take.

Like everything worth examining in life, start with self. Are you looking at yourself through a sexist and ageist lens?

Calling It What It Is

While Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (#DEI) initiatives were never perfect, their dismantling feels like a huge step backward—a sweeping erasure of decades of progress at a policy level. There is nary a #menopause policy to compare impact, but if there were policies in place, they'd be rolled back too with one stroke of the pen.

This deliberate dismantling reflects a systemic resistance to hearing and addressing the voices of those who challenge traditional norms. This is #patriarchy at its finest.

This is how the system has operated for generations: 1) reinforce narratives that encourage division and 2) diminish voices that seek change. That's the policy manual right there.

Patriarchy thrives on this silence, on keeping women’s experiences invisible and invalidated. Patriarchy thrives by erecting a box around the very thing that makes us powerful...our voice. When we don't use it, it fades into background noise. And we become complicit.

I’m done staying silent. If calling out these dynamics makes others uncomfortable, so be it. My silence ends here.

Why? Because I’ve reached a point where I can no longer tolerate what’s happening around me. After an honest reckoning with myself, I’ve realized that in some ways, I’ve been passively complicit. It stings to admit that, but I refuse to hoodwink myself.

Something has shifted inside of me—and for that, I say, "Blame it on menopause."

The Power of Menopause: Cracks Where Growth Emerges

Menopause doesn’t let us stay small, or silent. It forces us to confront the cracks in the system—and in ourselves—through which #transformation emerges. This discomfort, this messiness, is the foundation of growth.

Menopause isn’t just a biological shift; it’s a wake-up call. It has a way of disrupting the numbing rhythms of daily life, forcing us to ask deeper questions about who we are, what we stand for, and what we’re willing to fight for. This phase of life is not a quiet one—it’s a clarion call for transformation.

So, why does a universal, natural phase of life remain cloaked in shame and secrecy when it can have such a powerful effect on us?

Because, like DEI, menopause challenges the status quo. Both demand visibility, recognition, and the courage to disrupt societal norms that have long kept women’s stories in the shadows.

This is why the concept of the Inner Revolution feels so urgent. And why I'll be weaving it into our UNconventional Wisdom discussions more. Menopause isn’t just a biological transition—it’s an invitation to step into our fullest, most unapologetic selves. It’s a revolution that starts within.

Why Don’t We Talk About Menopause?

Menopause is often cloaked in shame, ignorance, and invisibility. It’s a sad reality, and one I’m hell-bent on changing. You in? Cool!

We'll come up with some catchy name for our merry band of misfits later. For now, here's my best stab as to why we have our work cut out for us if we're going to rollback this silence.

Cultural Taboo

For starters, the cultural taboo around aging is steeped into every facet of our lives. Just look at the obsession we have with youth and beauty (whatever the h-e-double-hockey-sticks that is). Society treats aging—especially in women—as a failure. We see it everywhere, from comments like, “She shouldn’t wear that,” to judgments about going gray. (I love my gray hair, thank you very much!)

Women reinforce these beliefs by cutting one another down left and right. There's a whole lot of biology and social conditioning at work here. It isn't just a one-and-done decision. We need to call it out and call it out again. On repeat.

Menopause stands in a long line of reasons women feel they "lose relevance". (Makes me throw up a little in my mouth writing that, but I hear some version of the sentiment from women every single day. Their feelings are valid. The reason behind the feeling has got to be called to the mat.)

This narrative silences the transformative power menopause wields: a time of creativity, freedom, and self-empowerment. Yet, we’re never told about the other side of this story—one rich with potential, vitality, and newfound clarity. (Stick with me Sis, we're talking all sorts of power into this thing called "menopause" wherever I'm at!)

The Medicalization of Menopause

The next thing on my "call out list" is the medicalization of menopause. This is a big issue for pretty much everything associated with being a woman these days. Instead of honoring menopause as a natural transition, it’s framed as a problem to “fix.” This reductionist view dismisses the wisdom and growth inherent in this natural transition, leaving women feeling unheard and invalidated. Instead of offering perspective, the system hands out prescriptions, further disconnecting women from the beauty of this stage of life.

Here’s the truth, and a powerful one at that, menopause isn’t a flaw in our design. It’s our attempt to conform to a patriarchal system that doesn’t align with our nature that causes the chaos many women experience. It’s time we ditch the boxes labeled “A Woman’s Place” and embrace our own unique path.

I am positive that my unconscious need to fit into the patriarchal pace was what thwarted my experience. Like a fish in water, I'd never really noticed just how pervasive the many unspoken laws of patriarchy are. Well, before my entire world flipped on its head and I had no other choice but to self-examine. Thankfully I was able to dig my way out of the darkness that surrounded me for awhile. And I did it by going within. Not by outsourcing my health to someone in a lab coat.

Generational Silence

For decades, menopause has been a taboo topic. It stems from a kind of generational silence passed down as cautionary tales. Our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts rarely discussed it, leaving many of us unprepared. This silence wasn’t their fault—they were conditioned to keep these conversations hidden. But now it’s time to break the cycle and bring menopause into the open. If not for us, for them. The millions who follow us.

Fear of Vulnerability

Number 4 on my list is the fear of vulnerability. Menopause forces us to confront deeply personal changes—physical, emotional, social, and even spiritual. In a society that stigmatizes aging and equates change with weakness, this vulnerability can feel overwhelming. Heck, vulnerability in and of itself is a big "Negative, Ghost Rider" for most of us.

True strength lies in vulnerability. Sharing our raw truths creates connection and community, which is exactly what we need during our menopause transition. We need it now, in general I'd say. Word of caution: Don't share your truth with just anyone. As my gal Brené Brown says, be all kinds of picky with whom you share your truths. Not everyone deserves to hear them. (Or something along those lines, she is wise beyond words. And one I look to for wisdom on the regular.)

The "Shoulds" of Womanhood

Here's the last reason on this "call out list", and it's a real doozie. Women are expected to keep up with a long list of "shoulds", or as I call them: The "Shoulds" of Womanhood. We are conditioned to “keep it together” and “power through,” especially during menopause. A time that intersects with career highs, family dynamic changes, and a time in life when "all the flips we never gave before come back to roost". (I learned of this poetic roosting concept some time back and for the life of me I can't recall who said it! I want to give credit where credit is due, but the Universe will have to deliver it for me.)

These “shoulds” prevent us from embracing the messy, raw realities of menopause. We're just trying to live through it while doing all the things. Our resistance energy tank is on E, so we take it on the chin and power through. Just like we "should".

We don't get to see that in that messiness lies transformation. It’s the storm before the calm, where seeds of growth are planted. Letting go of the “shoulds” is liberating. But difficult. They are so ingrained into us.

When stressed and tapped out, we need an assist to make any headway. (I'm only a DM away if you want an assist.) Menopause isn't something to endure—it’s something to own. It is up to each of us to reclaim this life stage as ours to define on our own terms. It is ours to explore the very power it holds for us. Together, we can rewrite the narrative around menopause, one story at a time.

Why Breaking the Silence Matters

Silence around menopause isn’t just frustrating—it’s harmful. When we don’t talk about menopause, we lose opportunities to:

• Educate: Women deserve tools to navigate menopause intentionally. Understanding this phase empowers us to embrace it as a natural and transformative experience.
• Empower: Menopause is not an ending; it’s a beginning—a launchpad for growth, vitality, and authenticity.
• Connect: Silence isolates. Sharing our experiences creates community and shared wisdom, transforming menopause into a powerful, collective journey.

Reclaiming the Narrative

By sharing our stories, educating ourselves, and supporting one another, we can rewrite the menopause narrative—from one of limitation to liberation.

It starts with us. By speaking openly, rejecting shame, and reframing menopause as a beginning, not an end. It’s a call to embrace our truth and inspire others to do the same.

What's on your mind after reading this issue of UNconventional Wisdom? I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to send me a DM if you want to keep your share between us.?

Did Something I Share Really Resonate?

Send me a DM or head over to my website ( https://drsamgraber.com/ ) to look around. I'm a real person. I've been at this transformative work for decades. I'm a well-seasoned holistic doc (retired) who has pivoted from being part of the system to sitting just outside it for a better vantage point while I go to work helping others. Talk is well and good. But putting the rubber to the road is where sh*t gets done!