The Blame Game

But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”

He answered, “I heard You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

The man said, “The woman You put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

Genesis 3:8-13

Since the Garden, playing the blame game has been our favorite go to when confronted with our sin and bad choices. We would much rather make it someone else’s fault rather than owning our part.

I can confess with confidence this temptation to sin by defending myself, when resisted and owned, changed the trajectory of my life after my 13 years in deception. For the entire time, while in my pride, I was sure it was everyone else who was deceived and not me. Oh, how our pride fuels such assumptions and error!

So, this leads us into the second toxin that fills our heart when we’ve given into the bitterness and offense of unmet expectations that led to the first toxin of criticism.

TOXIN #2

DEFENSIVENESS – when you feel unjustly accused, fish for excuses, and play the innocent victim so the “attacker” will back off.

The antidote to defensiveness is ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY.

WOW.

The biblical example was how Adam blamed Eve AND God, and then Eve blamed the serpent. The next mic drop moment was with this truth:

We want to point out the guilt of others while deflecting guilt from ourselves.

Defensiveness is way more toxic that it sounds – because it is rejecting the gospel of Christ – if we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves (1 John 1:8). And when we deny our sin, we deny the gospel. Mic drop #3…

When we defend ourselves, we are rejecting the mercy of God.

Oh my. I have never thought of this in those terms, but it is true! The mercy of God cost Him everything and should be something we protect and desire rather than blow off.

It is in our brokenness that the grace can become our strength and God’s power is made manifest in our lives. Mic drop #4…

Pride is the most powerful force against our faith.

If we have allowed the toxin of defensiveness to fill our hearts, fueled by our pride, there is no way to move toward reconciliation because we are full of criticism and defensiveness leaving us emotionally and spiritually immature. Not only that, it is very difficult to gently complain with toxins in place as they supercharge dysfunctional communication that is fed by pride.

WOW.

Have you acted like Adam and blamed someone else and God for a toxic situation? Have you felt the rush of thoughts that beg to be voiced to defend yourself? I know what that is like, and it is super hard to resist. If we can remember Jesus never defended Himself, we recognize we are in good company and God can work on our behalf.