Blackstone’s Holiday Ho Ho Hoe-Down: Is Wall Street OK?
Welcome to our holiday edition of The Chaos Coordinator! We are Brain Candy's snarky little sister, delivering carefully curated news happening across the industry (that you should probably care about) right to your inbox, with a hefty dose of irreverence.
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In this issue, we dive into trends that we see expanding into 2025:?
What's happening in.....
PE/VC?
Private Equity’s Next Power Move: Taking Over Your 401(k)
From Wall Street to Main Street—private markets are no longer a luxury; they’re a lifeline.
Private equity is no longer for the chosen few. According to KKR's co-CEO Scott Nuttall, private assets are pushing their way into 401(k) plans, making "alternative investments" sound a lot like regular ones. As private markets inch closer to the $12 trillion mark, retirement funds are playing catch-up to high-net-worth investors who’ve already embraced these assets. The big bet? PE firms believe diversification is a selling point, not a warning label. Nuttall frames this as a natural progression: “If private equity has delivered outsized returns for institutional investors, why shouldn’t retail savers get a piece of the action?” Is this the end of “alts” as we know them? Maybe. What’s certain: in 2025, the line between public and private markets will blur.
Read more here.?
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Capital Markets
Bitcoin’s Glow-Up will Continue: From Rebel to Wall Street Darling
When BlackRock’s in, you know crypto’s got a seat at the grown-ups' table.
Bitcoin has officially traded its rebel roots for a seat in the institutional big leagues. Once dismissed as “freedom money” or a “money laundering index,” Bitcoin is now embraced by the likes of BlackRock and endorsed by Federal Reserve leaders who compare it to digital gold. As Rob Nelson put it, “Bitcoin’s premise was always to be a disruptor, yet now we see players like BlackRock wanting in.” While skeptics note the irony of decentralized tech falling into the hands of major institutions, advocates like Armando Pantoja argue Bitcoin still offers transparency and accessibility to the masses. With spot ETFs on the rise, shifting regulatory tides, and big names like Larry Fink and Michael Saylor leading the charge, 2025 is shaping up to be Bitcoin’s most mainstream moment yet.?
Read more here.?
Generative AI / Tech?
领英推荐
Less Hype, More ‘We Literally Can’t Function Without It'
Your cybersecurity team? AI. Your customer service? Also AI. Your sanity? TBD.
2025 is the year AI stops showing off and starts running the show. Businesses are trading flashy buzzwords for real, mission-critical solutions—think AI diagnosing illnesses, predicting machine failures, and keeping your inbox free of phishing scams. Cybersecurity is getting a glow-up, too, with AI stepping in to sniff out threats faster than your IT guy can grab his third coffee. And while companies race to integrate AI into everything from HR to finance, new ethical frameworks are finally tackling the “AI behaving badly” problem (bias and rogue bots, we’re looking at you). Bottom line? AI isn’t just cool anymore—it’s the backbone holding everything together. So buckle up, because if you’re not already leaning on AI, you’ll be leaning hard by 2025.
Read more here.?
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Marketing
The Era of ‘Weird Wealth’ Has Arrived
Forget fame—status is all about disappearing.
According to Concept Bureau, 2025 will be defined by “post-authenticity,” where being visible is out and being exclusive is in. Think billionaires ditching city monuments for apocalypse bunkers and small private islands—proof that true wealth isn’t about building society but exiting it. For brands, this shift raises a question: Is status about being seen, or about being so elite you’re invisible? The lesson for marketers? Weird is in. Expect a rise in psychographic-driven strategies that resonate with ultra-niche audiences. Whether your customers crave secrecy or society, one thing’s for sure: in 2025, being normal is boring—and hiding might just be the ultimate flex.
Read more here.?
Holiday Cheer
Some finserv brands came to sleigh (yes, sleigh) this holiday season, and we’re here for it.?
Blackstone latest holiday video swaps buyouts for banjos, wrapping its trillion-dollar business in a country-western bow. This year’s flick—packed with “fun-washing” antics, reality-TV parodies, and dubious cultural stereotypes—makes one thing crystal clear: alternatives are no sideshow; they’re the main event, stomping all over traditional 60/40 portfolio orthodoxy. With production values rivaling a blockbuster and self-deprecating humor that’s just corporate enough, Blackstone wants you to know the alternatives market isn’t just growing—it’s giddy-upping. Saddle up, cowboys: the 60/40 herd is officially spooked.??
Watch Blackstone's holiday rodeo here. ???
Apollo Global Management is serving up soft-serve vibes this holiday season with a video that swaps caffeine for froyo and spreadsheets for sprinkles. In a rare moment of pure wholesomeness, the PE powerhouse shows its team scooping up smiles and toppings, proving even dealmakers can embrace a little swirl of holiday cheer. It’s light, it’s sweet, and it’s a reminder that sometimes the best returns come from taking a break. Who knew rainbow sprinkles were the ultimate asset class??
Watch Apollo's full frosty fun here. ??