Black Women Don’t Pay for Personal Development

“Black Women don’t pay for personal development,” he said after suggesting that I change the image of the Black Woman on the cover of my personal development course.?I responded, “It’s obvious, my cover is a Black Woman because I’m a Black Woman!”??

Feeling awkward without wanting to come across the wrong way, he tried to put me at ease by saying, “Our demographics report less than 7% of our personal development sales are made by Black Women.” I shrugged and said, “If that’s the only change suggested, don’t change it.?I want to see for myself.”

A bit annoyed, I went into my own business database with a glimpse of the demographics of my clients that have invested in personal and professional training with me and I was stunned to see that over 79% of my own clients are White American Women primarily with Bachelor’s Degrees.?Less than 14% are Black Women and the remaining percent are other races or men.?It made me question my entire business model.

Why doesn’t my Black-owned business attract more Black Women??Would keeping the cover image with a Black Woman attract Black Women??Would it repel White Women??Have I been too generic or too diverse with my marketing images??

I felt conflicted.?I wanted to prove him wrong, so I started thinking about us, meaning Black Women.

We deal with a lot.?We make tough decisions every single day.?We’re pillars in our families.?We’re studying hard and getting degrees.?We’re becoming leaders in our careers.?We’re starting our own businesses.?We face barriers that other races don’t face.?

We carry the burden of having to be strong all the time.?But our ambition leads to burnout, unhappiness, loneliness, and depression.??It’s hard to find time for self-improvement because if we do, who will take care of our responsibilities??If anybody needs personal development, it’s Black Women.???

We need it to push past our limiting beliefs, our internal blocks, and to overcome our fears.?We have fears.?We fear for our children, our Black men, and our parents.?We fear rejection.?We fear our choices, our ambitions, and our future.?We need to process our beliefs and our fears to live in a more fulfilling way.?But we are the least likely to work on improving our mindset.?Why is that?

After I did some research, I discovered that compared to our Caucasian counterparts, Black Women are only half as likely to work on our personal development or seek support.?The challenge is we have been raised with a cultural belief that Black Women that seek help especially from a professional are “crazy,” so we try to look like we have it all figured out.??

Ask yourself, “How many personal development books have I read this year?”?Have you read any books at all this year??Be honest with yourself.?We expect our children to study, read, and improve their minds but we don’t place that same expectation on ourselves.?

I see us going to church and I know we buy bibles and spiritual books, but I don’t see us at personal development conferences.?We flood conferences like the MegaFest and the Essence Festival but are we rushing to attend to enrich our mindset and personal productivity??

I admit, there are times that inspiration from the seminars only go so far for me because the representation isn’t there.?Sometimes I don’t want to hear about ‘failing to success’ from a man??His failures don’t look anything like mine.

I have never in my life read a personal development book that came from an expert that looked like me and related to me.?I have never said, “She gets me!?She understands what I’m going through.?If she can do it, I can do it, too.”?Yes, there is Oprah Winfrey, Iyanla Vanzant, Lisa Nichols, and Sarah Jakes Roberts but their stories although inspirational don’t resonate with me.

I grew up in poverty.?I was scrutinized for being too light and sounding too ‘White.’?My appearance was a magnet to older men that left me feeling manipulated.?I became the first Black Woman to graduate from college and earn a master’s degree in my family.?The first full-time entrepreneur.?A single mother.?A caregiver to my mother.?Navigating through traveling across the country with a child to run my own business.?Often struggling to find time to date and most of the time I don’t even want to waste my time with dating.?

Building a personal development business without a mentor that looks like me has been challenging.??Chasing goals as a single Black woman is not the same as a White man that has a wife to take care of his home and children.?It’s not the same as a White married woman who is supported by her family emotionally and financially.?I feel like a Black sheep in this world.?

As I continue to struggle to find representation, I figured it was time for me to represent.?I don’t want my daughter to question her self-identity.?At her age, I didn’t feel Black enough.?I didn’t even know what it meant to be a young Black girl.?What should I wear so I don’t look 'ghetto'??What should I do??What’s socially appropriate??How should I speak so I don’t sound like an 'Oreo'?

I still wrestle with how I want to present myself in a White-centric world.?I’m intensely aware that I'm under a microscope.?Will I come across as the angry Black Woman or a sellout that’s trying to act White?

Sometimes the pressure of trying to be everything for everybody takes a toll on my mind and it can be stressful.?I go through the personal development books for motivation.??Everyone experiences stress and fears but for Black Women, we try to muscle through it ourselves.?What we really need is someone to help us sort through our thoughts and emotions.?

We are expected to be strong and to figure ‘it’ out.?But we are so busy figuring ‘it’ out for everyone else that there is no time left to take care of ourselves.?We must be reminded that taking care of our minds does not make us crazy, it equips up to better care for our families and ourselves.?

Since he said that, “Black Women don’t pay for personal development,” I want to give you 3 personal development tips:

1.??????Connect:?The stress hormone, Oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’ craves connections.?Giving someone a hug or connecting with a friend for a walk or a cup of coffee can help you relieve stress.?Social support improves our mental well-being and reduces the effects of depression.

2.??????Get Some Rest:?Try to get a minimum of 6-8 hours of sleep a day.?A quick nap reenergizes the body’s cells and regulates our mood, appetite, and libido.?A lack of sleep makes you less effective, distracted, and irritable.

3.??????Know Your Limitations:?It’s okay to say, “No.” You do not need to give an explanation because sometimes it’s okay to not feel like it!?You don’t need to accept every invitation.?You don’t need to answer every call or email at the drop of a dime.?You don’t need to spend hours scrolling and commenting on social media.?Set boundaries of when you will make time for your family and yourself.?Make yourself a priority.?

My obsession for personal development has provided me with confidence and courage.?I’m the person that people call for advice, motivation, or to run an idea by.?I pride myself in having a reservoir of hope to pull from as needed.?My greatest strength is resilience.?

I embrace my vulnerability. I don’t mind being weak, I don’t mind saying, “No,” and I don’t mind unplugging to take time out for my mental well-being.?I see these are learned skills that require time and support.?

I want to let you know that I’m here for you.?I encourage you to take 15-minutes every day to improve your mind, body, and soul.?After all, you deserve it.?You have already paid for the time you deserve in blood, sweat, and sacrifice.?

My thoughts are with you, Sis!?Take some time to invest in your personal development to become the greatest expression of yourself.