'Black or White' Thinking

Good guy or bad guy; with me or against me; friend or foe; right or wrong; love versus hate; yin and yang... Oy!

Being overly simplistic in our perceptions of life in general, and socially in specific, can be the basis of major problems during our existence, and even afterwards. One way of being overly simplistic is by using Black or White [monochrome] thinking (in psychology: Splitting). Our social world is complex; in reality, people don’t easily or readily fall into categories of "good or bad," "with me or against me," "friend or foe," "right or wrong," "love versus hate," and "yin or yang," etc.

Humanities in the Information Age...

“Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.” —Albert Einstein

The contrast to Black or White [or monochrome] thinking is often described as shades of grey... but I prefer a better description, which is the full spectrum of colors.

Although any clear-minded, critical-thinking, observant person should be able to recognize this, it is lost on many people. We see applications of this during discussions about business, family, religion, culture, ideologies, politics, and so on... ironically, these are some of the most important topics that many define themselves—and even their existence—by, in relation to their surroundings! This is why I find it very important to teach Humanities in school, if not starting at home by [socially conscious] parents or relatives.

About this time last year, I read an article in The Atlantic titled Learning to be Human. The author of the article made some excellent statements, of which I will share these:

"... The irony of the humanities’ declining prestige is that what they teach seems to be urgently needed in a polarized culture. “The humanities are such an important vehicle for widening the world … for teaching empathy for people outside yourself,” Faust said. “In this time of increasing tribalism, this seems like such a critical role.” History teaches students about the context of choices made in the past. Philosophy forces them to think about morality. Theater, literature, and film put students into the mindset of others. In difficult times, people inevitably turn to the humanities to try to understand adversity. “People in trouble don’t turn to regression analysis,” Wieseltier said. “Their souls require the fortification and the wisdom that only humanistic thinking can provide.”

As more and more things become quantifiable, from workouts to Netflix binges to the number of dollars per visitor a museum exhibition costs, both argued that it’s critical for students to realize that not everything can be reduced to a data point. “Many of the deepest experiences in life can’t be numerically measured,” Wieseltier said. “What the humanities teach, what literature and art and music and philosophy and history teach, is that the correct description and analysis of human life is not a scientific affair.” Or as Faust put it, in a quote frequently attributed to Albert Einstein, “Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.”" —At your convenience, I highly recommend that you study the whole article.

Monochromatic thinking and depression...

Did you know that it has been determined that Black or White thinking is a cause of depression? "All or Nothing thinking is found in depressed people all over the World. This is because it is part of the most primitive of human responses: The Fight or Flight Response. When faced with a [perceived or real] life-threatening situation, as it is with many animals, we [humans] must make snap decisions and act on them; there is no time for 'maybe this' or 'maybe that'. Either decision will create an emotional reaction to give us that temporary boost to allow us to fight or flee to the max of our ability..." hence the resulting stress and depression that develops from a life of chronic Black or White thinking.

Conflict...

When your thinking is monochromatic, you'll seldom find yourself able to compromise, at least not when it comes to the more important decisions; all relationships in life require that latter action at some level or another. Not owning such an ability, or skill, makes it a serious challenge to coexist with other people, or even the environment in general (nature) that you are a part of.

We are all gears in the clockwork of our great universe, and nature often demonstrates its ability to remove any persistently and resiliently defective gears, and replacing them with functional ones as part of its self-healing survival mechanism. Noting the seemingly inherit balance in the known universe, I can logically deduce that human-beings serve an important functional part of its make-up, but a replaceable part nonetheless!

If you think in terms of Black or White, and want to change... what to do?

Once you realize, and acknowledge, that notable monochromatic thinking damages all areas of your life, you will be able to make a conscious change. Don't expect the change to be immediate once you embark on the transition, for this type of change takes place gradually and, until habitual, demands conscious awareness. You won’t be able to go from being an extremist to being open-minded person over night! Take it step-by-step, and don't worry about the perceptions of others, for the intelligent people around you will recognize your plight, and appreciate, and support your efforts.

Something many people fear, which leads them to Black or White thinking, is that they do not allow themselves to be vulnerable, and are in constant dread of making mistakes or being perceived as less than perfect; action items: choose to see the good where other times you only saw the bad... stop misjudging yourself, people, and situations based on past experiences... instead of trying to control outcomes, focus on reacting in positive and empowering ways to what happens to you.

One of my challenges to achieve the latter was to stop obsessing about details, to stop over-analyzing and trying to control outcomes, and to stop finding faults in everything. Making such a seemingly little modification to how I reacted in my life empowered me in ways I never thought possible...it seemed like a whole new world opened its gates to me. I became more trusting and significantly more empathetic... I had a clearer understanding of why certain things happen, and, as I spoke about the clockwork earlier, I recognized that many things are just simply out of my control, and what makes as much difference is how I react and adapt to change. I once read about three reasonable steps to follow, in order to achieve such a positive objective:

1. Accept that you’re not perfect. We all make mistakes, we are all fallible, and we are all vulnerable! But, we are powerful, because we have the choice to think critically and achieve much of what seems unachievable... and perhaps this is where our perfection lies: in our ability to adapt, if we so choose.
2. The next time you feel judgmental, stop and ask why. Ask yourself, is it because you’re expecting too much of others? Maybe you are [unreasonably and unfairly] projecting your expectations of your own perfection onto others. Remind yourself: Other people are entitled to be just as human as you are, and that, as the proverb goes, "it takes all kinds of people to make this world go around."
3. Try to find the colors in a situation today. As I was once told: things can be both good and bad, and people can be both capable and incomplete, self-confident and self-effacing, talented and average, and all the time being extraordinary! Take the time to realize that we are all in this together as humans. To quote President Ronald Reagan during his address to the United Nations in 1987: "Perhaps we need some outside universal threat to make us recognize this common bond. I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world."

If you must deal with people who think in terms of Black or White... what to do?

Here are some strategies that I have used, and which worked for me in the past; they have even helped me help those afflicted with such an intellectual challenge on several occasions, too... be:

1. Engaging. Work with such persons, or groups, to gently transition their thinking about issues. For starters, this may help to reduce conflict. Asking questions rather than making statements or demands; do not belittle. Take care to work in a developmentally appropriate manner and be open and direct in your approach.
2. Understanding. When assessing such persons, consider to what extent they demonstrate critical-thinking skills; do not give people more credit than they deserve. If they do not exhibit such an ability, then they may have more trouble with the shades of grey and color of life than you think, but do let them know that B&W thinking is a stage characteristic of normal adolescent development that must be surpassed, and go back to #1 if you perceive receptiveness.
3. Encouraging. Embolden such persons to get to know themselves. Encourage them to explore their own thinking, and to reflect on their own experiences and relationships to see whether it is serving them well. One method is to suggest they put themselves in their the other person's shoes for a moment, and ask them to imagine other possibilities for dealing with the issue being analyzed. Once a relationship of trust is established, make suggestions about ways to improve their communication skills... some examples of how to compromise are often very helpful.
4. Accepting. This is a big one, and one of the hardest things to do... you must accept that some people are simply not developmentally ready to think in other ways; in such a scenario, do you best to compromise and accept what you can.

On a final note...

Whether you are dealing with this challenge yourself, or dealing with someone who has it: if you think that doing so is a bit more than you can handle on your own, do not hesitate, at all, to request professional advice and counseling... almost every problem in the world has a win-win solution.