THE BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY

Mrs. Turner drove recklessly like a drunken taxi driver as she sped towards her parents’ home at the other side of the town. Her face was visibly swollen, and her eyes red with tears still streaming down her cheeks. It was a huge surprise how she was able to drive to her destination without being involved in an accident.

She already called to inform her parents that she was on her way to the house, so the Davidsons were seated in the living room waiting for the arrival of their daughter. Mrs. Kemi Davidson went to answer the door immediately the door bell rang. She and her husband had been too engrossed in their discussion that they did not notice when the gate man opened the gate and their daughter drove in.

The elderly woman was perplexed when she opened the door. The figure that stood there was nothing but a shadow image of her daughter, Esther. The long flowing gown she wore was practically hanging loose on her as if it was hung up on a pole to dry. Her face and entire appearance looked as if she grew 20 years older over night.

Before Mrs. Davidson’s eyes could take in everything about the figure that stood before her, Esther pushed her aside, rushed into the living room and threw herself down on the floor with a heavy thud. She rolled from one end of the room to another as she kept moaning, “Mummy, I am finished! I am finished ooo! I am finished ooo!”

It took Mr. and Mrs. Davidson what looked like ages to calm their daughter down a bit. When she became calm she just sat on the floor gazing into space. It took her parents another round of preaching and nudging to get the young woman say a word to them. She put her right hand into the pocket of the gown she was wearing, brought out a folded sheet of paper, handed it over to her dad and said, “See the birthday present my son, Daniel gave to me yesterday evening”. Mr. Davidson, a retired civil servant in his seventies quickly grabbed the paper from his daughter’s hand and sat down to read the content.

Let us read the content of the paper together:

“Happy birthday mum. I wish you many happy returns of the day.

Mum, I know this letter may come to you as a surprise. But be that as it may, that is just the best thing to do. Mum, I want you and dad to know that at 15 years of age I am old enough to take care of myself. I am man enough to know what is good for me and what is not so good. You guys seem not to have realized this. Do you think I am still a baby, or that I am still the Daniel of 5 years ago?

I am sick and tired of your violation of my rights and privacy in this house. I can’t stand your endless sermons and incessant lectures any further. I can no longer bear the thought of someone dictating for me what to do and what not to do. Enough of running my life for me in the name of trying to protect me from evil. Protection my foot!

Thank you so much for all your concern and sacrifices. Tell daddy that I have left his house for him in peace, and that I remember the good times we had together. But I remember more of the fights and arguments we had; his cold treatment towards me and his deadly silent treatment. I remember the days we jogged together around the estate Saturday mornings, and how we sat down in the living room to watch football matches later in the day. What pleasant memories those are! But they are nothing compared to the pains and loneliness I now feel being treated like a stranger in my home. My own father hardly responds to my greetings, while my mum keeps playing the role of a bribed referee between the two of us. Bribed in the sense that she will always subtly take sides with her husband.

Mum, some of your suspicions are true, but a whole lot of them are false. You are feeling that I have joined a cult. That is partially true because I know I have joined a group but you call it a cult. You may have your reasons anyway. You also suspect that I am into drugs, and you are partially right again. I am not a drug addict; I only take some substances that make me feel cool. You said I have been sleeping around with girls, but mum you lied. I have never slept with any girl in my life but I didn’t bother to defend myself, after all who cares. But I think I just have to try that aspect of living in my newly found freedom.

I have found a new tribe and a new family where I will have my freedom, and my happiness is guaranteed. I feel fulfilled among them and they accept me the way I am. They are not ashamed of me the way you people are, and what I do that gives me joy is a delight to them as well. I am open to them and they are to me. They do not stigmatize me for what I do.

Mum, the BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY has gone for good. He has left the space for the worthy children of the family. He has gone and will not come back to cause anybody pain again. And that is just the best option, for if I don’t leave now I may be forced to do something bizarre to someone one of these days. I thought I could manage the situation till I gain admission into the university but I had a rethink some days ago. Besides, I don’t even need the certificate any longer; university certificates are not for black sheep like me (lol).

Don’t bother looking for me because you will not find me, even though I am not too far from where you are. Check the dining table and you will see my SIM card kept there for whoever may need it. I did that so that you won’t have to waste time and money trying to trace me with the SIM. I left some personal belongings and photos in the room that used to be mine, to always remind you and dad that you had a son called Daniel and for my siblings to remember me as well. But tell dad that if it gets too dry out there I may be forced to come, or I may send some people to come and collect my share of the family wealth from him.

Happy birthday once again, and good bye mum.

From the BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY, DANIEL”.

While Mr. Davidson read the letter, her daughter Mrs. Turner sat on the floor, in anguish nodding her head rhythmically to a soul-played music. When her dad finished reading, she turned to the direction of her parents and said in a tearful voice, “I came back around 9pm yesterday after a very hectic day and the gate man handed this (pointing at the letter in the hands of her father) to me. Immediately I got into the house I knew that something was wrong even before I read the letter. There was something sinister about the atmosphere in my home last night.

For some days now, Daniel and his dad have not been talking to each other. I confronted him on several occasions over some changes I noticed in him but he denied all of them. I didn’t know when it got to this”.

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Matters arising:

1. Another home boy just got driven out to the streets to become a street urchin.

2. Why is it that most times when something like this happens, the letter is usually addressed to the mother? Why not to the father? I hope the fathers will pardon me if I give my answer to be that the mothers are most often closer to their children than the fathers are.

3. No matter what you discover in a child, do not stigmatize them. Stigmatization will do more harm than good.

4. At times parents over react to their children’s misdeeds because they are concerned about what people may say. But I think we should rather be more concerned about what God, who made us custodians of those children will say or do if they get lost in our hands.

5. Teenagers hate suspicion and false accusation with passion. Therefore, keep your suspicion low until you have tangible facts to back up your allegations.

6. Even when you have facts and visible evidences to support your fears, don’t expect a teenager to just accept your accusation without putting up an initial resistance. One very bad tendency teens have is that they lie a lot; though not all of them.

7. Adolescents remember the good things you did for them, but they remember the bad ones more. This is because they are self-conscious folks by nature.

8. Do not underestimate the power and exposure of a teenager who has uncontrolled access to the internet. They know more than you think they do, and will bamboozle you with their actions. They have connections, and live in virtual communities that have the capacity to separate them from their biological family permanently.

9. If you give cold treatment to a child, he or she will run to your hands and seek reconciliation. If you do same to a teenager, he or she will run outside to find solace in friends and peers.

10. Do not wait till it is too late before you start seeking for counsel; rather, be a proactive parent. How I wish Mrs. Turner had sought the advice of her parents early enough before her son left the home. So, in case you are having any issue with your child, I, and other counselors are at your service.

What can you do if you discover that your child has joined a bad gang, or is into drugs/substance abuse? These are very serious issues, which no parent ever prays for, yet they happen every now and then. Go to familymattersng.com and look for “10 THINGS YOU CAN DO IF YOUR CHILD JOINS CULT OR GOES INTO DRUGS”.

My prayer today is that neither you nor I will lose any of our children to the prevailing social vices, or other evils, in Jesus name. Amen

Shalom!

? Ijeoma Igwesi, @familymattersng.com, 2020