Black Girls Don't Have to Be Good

Black girls are supposed to be good. That’s a funny way to start a program evaluation article, but it relates to a recent experience I had out in the “wild.” I see ways programs can better connect to participants as a natural course of observation given my background, training, and skills.?

I am new to Southeastern Michigan and have been extending myself to build a new network, meet people, and see things here. I’m excited to be in the Detroit metro area! It is quite vibrant. I find the people warm and welcoming. The lake scenery is gorgeous. Overall, it was quite delightful.

I recently was introduced to a woman who has been utterly kind and inclusive. I have attended a few events she invited me to and one stood out as an opportunity for increased and improved connection. As a caveat, I give these observations as a total outsider with limited context, but lots of program observation experience.?

The event was a girls’ program her women’s organization runs–a mentoring-type program to help the girls develop and move successfully from high school to college. From what I understand they provide an array of support to young women from SAT preparation to outings like the one we were on that day. We visited the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History in Detroit. Stunning facility. Beautiful. The exhibits we experienced were moving and powerful. Extremely well done. It was a great opportunity to share our cultural context with young women.?

I wouldn’t presume to impose my perspective, unasked for, on a seemingly robust program. This is not a criticism of these women or their event, which was lovely and shows how much they care to impact the lives of young women and girls. I also know that the program is “effective” as they have a very high percentage of participants enrolling and completing college.?

In terms of engagement between the adult volunteers and the young girls, I have some “notes.” Not that they asked for any, nor would I offer them, unless I decide to join the organization myself.?

However, I do feel comfortable sharing them here. We all arrived about 30 minutes before our tickets to see the main show began. I like this. It felt organized and well thought out. They have approached arrival this way, I’m sure, from long experience. I think that’s great!?

I was impressed at how many volunteers were present on a frigid winter day. These women are givers–I know this from on-and-off experience with them in other units over the past 3 decades.

Everyone was dressed appropriately in the “team” colors, but with enough leeway to allow for individual expressions of identity–most were dressed casually while others brought more formality to their look. I liked that a lot, as there was cohesiveness as a group while avoiding an adherence to structure that wasn’t necessary in this context. Fantastic!

So, the context for engagement and community was there from my view. People were there on time. We could see who was in the “in” group among other visitors to the museum.?

I was greeted and welcomed because my new friend did the work to make sure many of her fellow volunteers knew I was coming. We have a sisterly connection, which makes my initial acceptance, baked in, as well. My friend also actively introduced me to the adult women in the group–giving some background of how I came to be here, looking for connections and commonalities between myself and these women. They made sure to gather my contact information for future meetings and were kind to me throughout my time at the event.?

Again, I’m an outsider, so my “notes” are given with that caveat. I don’t know how well connected the girls are with one another from previous experiences, nor how connected the women are with the girls from the same. I didn’t observe much connection, however. There wasn’t the same active engagement with them, relative to what I experienced or what I “expected.”?

The girls were dressed, on time, and some were accompanied by their mothers in addition to the adult volunteers. While there was some interaction between the volunteers and the mothers, I didn’t observe much interaction at all between the volunteers and the girls. The girls were addressed by the group name when we needed to take a photo op. They were instructed to stand in certain configurations, to take off their coats, etc. to have a great photo. Nothing is wrong with that. The volunteers know how to stage a photo and I’m sure they were wonderful. The volunteers were inclusive in the photo taking having one with the girls and volunteers, and then included the mothers (including me!) to make sure the activity was captured. This was all well done. The images are going to be correct.?

Once it was time to go into the venue to see the exhibits wristbands were given out to all. Brochures on the primary exhibit were distributed. Instructions were given about where to go. The organization was 100% on point…but the connection was missing. Connection holds the power of gathering like this or any other social program that wants to convey information, deliver content, or achieve transformation for the program participants, or perhaps in a more mundane way–achieve outcomes and impacts. Reflecting on the experience:?

• I wish we had gone around the group to say good morning and greet one another.?
• I wish names were used or even nametags were available.?Personalization matters.
• I wish there was an opportunity for the girls to express their interest or ask questions. Even a simple “vibe check” could have gone far to engage the girls (and adults) and get them "present" to the activity.
• I wish there was time taken to express the intention of the girls’ program and the women’s organization giving us a sense of why we were here and what our missions were.?
• I didn’t observe much connection between the girls, but I say this admitting my ignorance relative to the larger context. There may be hierarchies I am not familiar with at play, for example, the girls may be divided by age group, community of origin, or in some other way that doesn’t allow significant connectedness between the girls who were present.?
• I wish there was an opportunity to give context about the exhibits we were going to see. Many of the elements were historical and may have been unfamiliar to the girls. We saw costumes from movies that were out before the girls were born. What are these films? Why do they matter? How does this costume designer’s brilliance influence culture?
• I overheard one girl talking to others as we entered the permanent exhibit which focused on African Americans from Africa pre-chattel slavery to modern times. It was an extraordinary exhibit. She said, “I’ve been here hundreds of times and I still feel overwhelmed when we go down into the slave ship.” Getting a sense from the girls of their familiarity with the place, their feelings about the exhibits, etc., could have been a wonderful way to build connections and enhance engagement and learning.
• I wish there was an obvious leader for experience. The volunteers looked around at each other once it was time to gather everyone to go in. Who was going to give the context? My friend ended up doing it, but the focus was still on the procedures as opposed to the experience. With all the planning and organization present, establishing who was going to “lead” the event wasn’t there. It was a missed opportunity to contextualize the experience.?
• This led me to feel that the focus remained on the surface. There was so much present in the exhibits for us to engage with, but we just walked by and everyone saw what they saw, we didn’t see anything together.?
• I wish we had moved through the exhibits more cohesively.
• I wish we had had the opportunity to reflect together afterward about what we saw. Evidently, there are many meeting rooms in this beautiful facility, so I think that could have been arranged.?
• I wish there had been a closing activity or statement to seal the experience and give everyone something to take with them from it.??

These factors are why I opened this post with “Black girls are supposed to be good.” The volunteers made sure everything on the surface was done well–arrival, composure, dress, etc. Organization was “on point” and I truly appreciate that, but staying on the surface misses the point…or the potential for powerful engagement. It’s easier, more comfortable, and less work to stay on the surface, but diving deeper is where both our humanity and our transformation are. Humanity is accessed through connection.?

That day, we (including myself here) missed opportunities to connect with the girls. We missed the opportunity for them to see us and connect with us and our lived experiences in that moment relative to the powerful exhibits we saw. Seeing “role models” as human matters too, I believe.?

The lesson I don’t want the girls to leave with is that “looking right and acting right” matters most or the photo op is the event. I don’t discount these things. We should document our lives for ourselves and the future. I fear the bigger lesson is missed when the emphasis is there. They must only be part of the lessons from programs.?

Black girls (and women) don’t have to just be good, but we can be real, human, and connected, even in public spaces.?If we want real transformation, we have to be.

With love,

Alissa