Black, brown, biracial transgender, intersex, non-heterosexual kids and youth.

My son is married to a biracial woman who identifies as mixed, black/African American, Mexican, and Native American. He has experienced openly insensitive statements made by others that affect not only his partner but also him personally. Their future children will face multi-cultural identity integration—the multistranded identities as a result of their heritage. These intersectionalities will most likely surface throughout their life-span. Health and mental health providers working with the pediatric and young adult population, who are white, are not facing the daily hidden biases that exist. I have a fairly open relationship with my adult son who shares his concerns with me and sometimes looks to me for guidance.

It behooves us to check in with ourselves and requires us to be mindful and sensitive in light of the reported racial disparities and violence against black and brown people. It is helpful to raise our conscience and level of sensitivity towards anyone who experiences the onslaught of biases, hate, and unfair treatment. We have a responsibility to acknowledge the tremendous amount of stress parents or future parents may be experiencing. Our black and brown friends, families, and others need us now more than ever. Reaching out from time to time to ensure everyone is okay and checking in with others is far more critical given the call for change. Just acknowledging what a brown or black person may be experiencing is significant, and we keep our eye on the issues that affect them. How we choose to contribute is up to the individual, but remaining silent and uninvolved is damaging. Reach out and check-in. Keep current on the issues.

Every year transcides occur. Murder of transgender people and every year, there are reports of violence against trans female of color.

Parents experience a tremendous amount of anxiety when their children come out to them as gay, double this level of stress when the child is intersex or comes out as a transgender female or transgender male. Remember too, that girls and women have always been at risk of gender-based violence. Add in the other intersectionalities, and now parents are at a loss of what to do. Children and youth must live authentically, and denying them any of these rights results in a lot of negative messaging. But how can parents not worry? We know that the homicides of black and brown people are high, and we know that there are exponentially higher rates of violence against black and brown females than any other population. We cannot say that every transcide committed is a hate crime, but we can link a higher percentage of violence to non-white individuals.

Then how can we be helpful to parents seeking any guidance on how to protect their kids and youth who are intersex or come out as gay or trans? Remember that expression "street smart"? To help children survive and build resilience, we promote and disseminate positive messaging and teach them to set and respect boundaries. We show them self-preservation, integrity, and self-respect. This example is set at home by adults. We must also be able to talk about the not-so-safe environments, teach our kids to be tuned-in to their surroundings, and what to do in the event something does happen.

Kids today are overwhelmed with the amount of information disseminated. Consequently, they are much smarter than we were at their age, so they have daily dosing of information, and having to navigate uncertain times. If you are a millennial like me, you will recognize how smart kids are today, and you can only imagine how much stress kids absorb. Children rely on an infrastructure to which they can turn in times of need. Parents can remind their trans or intersex child to tune in, be aware of their surroundings, and to include their friends in this equation. At the moment, school is out, but at the end of summer, sessions start back-up. Whether via zoom or some other app, kids need to talk about what is happening. If a youth of color doesn't feel safe, then most likely, a trans or intersex child of color feels vulnerable. It isn't helpful to your child if they cannot be themselves—Check-in with their pediatrician, primary doctor, or mental health counselor. Mental and Healthcare professionals have an obligation to ensure that none of their staff lack in cultural training. Choose these professionals wisely. If they harbor any bias because of race, gender, or sexuality, then move along until you find someone you and your child can feel safe around. If you are practicing social distancing, now might be a good time for your child to express openly and for you to affirm them.

Parents need support, too. Hopefully, supportive, unbiased clergy will afford families a network of connections. PFLAG, trans youth support groups, and mental health professionals facilitating support groups for both parents or youth are accessible via websites. Look for programs offering support, such as JASMYN (has a list of support systems), seethegirl.org, Jax Youth Equality, and Gender Spectrum. 

Stigma and shame do awful things to families—work on destigmatizing these elements that get in the way of being accepting and productive. Get involved with other parents who have been in your shoes. Protect your intersex or transgender child. Your child needs you, but most of all, if you are struggling with what to do or how to deal with their insistence, then it is time to turn to professionals who are experts on this subject and certified to offer you some guidance. Get involved with your child and connect them with like-minded children and get yourself connected with like-minded parents.