The bizarre relationship of a ‘work wife’ and a ‘work husband’

“Why would two people who aren’t married or even interested in dating call each other ‘husband’ and ‘wife’?” That’s the question contributing writer Stephanie H. Murray poses in a new Atlantic article probing the strange phenomenon of the “work spouse”—the colloquial term for each party in a professionally intimate yet technically platonic relationship. Murray writes that the concept of the work spouse points to broader societal discomfort with friendships between men and women. But it also nods toward the nebulous space that work relationships occupy in many people’s lives.?

Today’s newsletter brings together Atlantic stories about navigating those complex relationships.

“The bizarre relationship of a ‘work wife’ and a ‘work husband,’” by Stephanie H. Murray. The work marriage is a strange response to our anxieties about mixed-gender friendships, heightened by the norms of a professional environment.

“The dark side of saying work is ‘like a family,’” by Joe Pinsker. The analogy is accurate—in many unhealthy, manipulative, and toxic ways.

“The pandemic is changing work friendships,” by Nicole Mo. Co-workers had little choice but to bond when they spent 40 hours a week together. But if widespread remote work sticks around, those relationships will never be the same.

“Dear Therapist: My co-workers think I’m rude, and I’m not sure how to change,” by Lori Gottlieb. “My supervisor isn’t allowed to give me more details for the sake of anonymity, and I don’t know how to change without changing my entire personality.”

“Dear Therapist: I don’t know how to deal with my workplace jealousy,” by Lori Gottlieb. “My co-workers got a big promotion that I didn’t get, and I can’t bring myself to be happy for them.”

Thanks for reading!

— Kelli María Korducki

Last Word

“I have found that the most ordinary, mundane habits are the hardest to counteract. It’s easier to modify habits that are longer term and less concrete. I wonder if changing the more abstract habits might somehow affect ordinary habits … This might be a way of overcoming counterproductive dispositions that we often do mindlessly and without reflection.” — Edward Cole, responding on LinkedIn to “You can’t simply decide to be a different person.”