A bit of a personal post today

So often when I start coaching someone or just when I generally chat to people about changes you can make to your life to make you feel loads more confident or stop feeling so anxious and fearful all the time, I get met with this response:

"You make it sound so easy"

"I don't think I could do that"

"It sounds really hard"

"I'm already so busy, that's just another thing I have to remember to do"

I totally understand why that might be your first response. After all, you've probably felt this way for such a long time that you can't even imagine life being any different.

But also, it can feel better not to try at all rather than to risk letting yourself down.

So, I thought I'd share a bit of my life story because, yeah, I do make it sound easy but I haven't always felt like that.

The BEST things in life usually come from doing stuff that scares you or something that you worked really hard to achieve.

That's exactly how I feel about myself these days. It wasn't easy to become the confident leader I am today but OH MY GOODNESS was it worth it.

Some major traumas have happened in my life that have shaped who I am.

Firsty (and I still find this hard to talk about) I was s*xually abused when I was very young. Even typing this now, I want to downplay it and minimise it. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.

Secondly, my Mum died when I was 14 and if you read on, you'll understand why I found that incredibly difficult to come to terms with.

The aftermath of My Mum's death was absolute chaos. Because of that I'm really sensitive to chaos now and I get overwhelmed when my house is too noisy or things don't feel like there part of the routine.

I had a step-mum for a bit that was horrible who would get drunk and break things.

I don't want to go into detail about some of my childhood because there are people that I want to protect. But my childhood wasn't normal. We've had police at the door, drug dealers coming round with weapons and things smashed up.

I literally didn't know anyone else that had a childhood like mine and it made me feel like an outcast.

I turned to drink and recreational drugs shortly after my Mum died. I was mad for the rave scene and partied hard each weekend. I got myself into a lot of debt. I lost touch with reality one night and ended up having a nervous breakdown that lasted for years which ended up in 20 years of genralised anxiety.

I also have a very big suspicion that I have ADHD. I'm not sure if these are trauma responses or actual ADHD symptoms though.

In general I am very sensitive. I feel things a lot deeper than most people and I am very sensitive to rejection (i.e. I had a boyfriend when I was 17 that I was with for 2 months and it took me 5 years to get over than relationship).

I fall in love at the flick of a switch and I can pine after someone I have only known for one night.

I am fiercely loyal. If you are my friend, I will die for you.

I spent the first 3 years of my current relationship petrified that he would abandon me and had anxiety dreams about it most nights.

Yeah, I've got abandonment issues too.

I want everyone to be happy. Even if I don't know you that well. That's why I'm a coach, I literally want to make the world a happier place with more love.

I have always felt like an outsider. It's the natural role that I play. I don't feel like I fully fit in anywhere. Something that used to make me feel like I had someting wrong with me.

I had a very strong beleif for most of my life that I was repulsive. Which made me withdraw into myself in relationships, so eventually that person would leave me and that would prove me right.

I spent most of my childhood and early adult life 'mirroring' other people because on some level I knew that getting extremely upset about the slightest feeling of rejection was 'not normal'. So I held all that stuff in.

Even to this day, I am really sensitive if I feel left out of something, like if two friends meet up and I don't get an invite (even if there is a really good reason).

I had a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol, drinking to ease anxiety and make me more confident rather than to have fun.

I did a lot of stupid stuff when I was drunk which made me hate myself.

When my son was born I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and anxiety. I had horrible intrusive thoughts about throwing him down the stairs, which again I kept to myself.

I had low lever depression for years afterwards and convinced myself that NOBODY liked me and I felt intensely anxious around everyone, even my closest friends and family.

Why am I brain dumping all this? Because I want to paint a picture of who I am and where I have come from. Of course, these are the clipped notes and I could honestly write a book about my life.

This person you see in front of you today has worked hard to get to the confident, self assured leader I am now. And if I can do it, you sure as hell can as well.

The only reason you think it's hard is because your brain doens't want you to change. Your brain likes familiarity. Anxiety, guilt, self-loathing, self-criticism, shame, fear, regret are all so familiar, you don't know who you would be without them.

If life has kicked you in the balls like it has me, you don't need to stay there, excuses are just excuses.

How it feels over here, where I am now, is monumentally better than where I was. So, why wouldn't I put that effort in?

I used to be just like you, I thought I was doomed to live half a life, brimming with anxiety, burntout at work, drinking to foget. but I had it the wrong way round. THAT existence is more difficult that the existence I have now.

That is why I have created my unique coaching methodology - THE EMOTIONAL THINKING LOOP - to show you just how simple it really is to feel freaking phenomonal. It took me ages to get to this point, so that I could make it simple for you! It's designed to skyrocket your confidence at work but it completely revolutionises how you feel in every part of your life.

Everything starts with a thought. Literally. Everything you see around you right now probably started with a thought.

Thoughts are the most POWERFUL thing we have. The reason my life was chaotic, I had chronic anxiety and I hated myself all came from my thoughts.

I thought my thoughts controlled me and that was how I lived my life. Every thought that entered my head I believed, I made decisions based on those thoughts and those thoughts controlled my emotions.

The really cool thing that I have discovered on my healing journey is that by learning to control my thoughts, I can achieve absolutely anything I want to.

This was the biggest turning point for me and the most profound change I have ever expeerienced. Our thoughts create our reality and we get to choose what thoughts we have.

The only reason you feel like sh*t is because of your thoughts.

It doens't matter whether someone says something mean to you. It doesn't matter if you have a dreadful day at work. It doens't matter if you're partner is being a tw@t. Your thoughts are what create your emotions around that.

It isn't the thing that makes you feel an emotion, it's your thoughts.

Isn't that exciting? Because you have complete control over your thoughts!

Of course, that makes it sound super easy, if it were as easy as clicking your fingers I wouldn't have created an 8 week coaching program about harnessing the power of your thoughts. But it is simple, you just need an expert to show you how to do it. It takes practise, habit building and an awesome coach to guide you.

That's me.

Would you like to learn how to take back control of your thoughts so that you can skyrocket your confidence at work and assert yourself without all the anxiety? Come along to my Masterclass tonight, I'm sharing my powerful coaching tool that underpins my entire coaching program. It's absolute gold.

This was how I went from an anxious mess to a confident leader that loves myself unconditionally.

The masterclass is all about standing up for yourself and getting others to listen to you (which all starts with your thoughts) but it can be the tool can be applied to so many things.

Jump on over and join my Facebook group to watch live or catch the replay.