Bisexuality In The Modern World

This last year has caused a high degree of turmoil in all our lives, and I am no exception. For years, people who were out of my life came back in whether that is a good thing that will be determined with time. It made me reflect on how my sexuality impacted those around me. People are always quick to judge sometimes due to a lack of understanding; they feel someone else has something they want more often. When we look into another person's world, we tend to see the pleasant parts but forget the work that went into where they are. Every person who lives on the outskirts of society will always feel they are under scrutiny; sometimes, we are other times we create those insecurities. 

If you are new to this journey with me, then you may not know about my life. I am married to the same man I met when I was seventeen; we moved in together, married about a year later, and fought this adventure since then. From the beginning, there have been women in our life; some have lasted a night; others have been around for long periods of time. Our current girlfriend has been with us for over sixteen years. We consider her our common-law wife; she has been there through some great times and stuck it out when very few people would have stayed. Sometimes we live together; other times, she will be at one house, and we will be at another. 

I have always been a sexual person, even when I was young, but I did not discover myself until I was seventeen. We have worked in the adult industry since 2007 (ish), and through the journey, I learned about myself and my definition of feminization. As a bisexual woman, I can say there are no groups who do not judge others that include the LGBTQ's. There have been times when family members wished horrible things to my partners and me. In the end, I only want to be left alone with my life as I choose to walk this journey. There has never been a drive to be accepted by those unwilling.

Throughout my life, I have never put myself out to strangers in the world. I never understood the LGBTQ community in the whole pride thing. My sexuality is not something I am proud of, and neither am I ashamed. There was never really a point where I discovered myself. I have always known that I was attracted to women. My issues were being honest with myself and those closest to me. Our families impact our views on personal sexuality in ways they often do not understand. Among the other girls around me in my teens, I was the late bloomer I did not care to really date until I was around seventeen. 

My friends who chose to be/are lesbians often told me I was confused about what I wanted. I always found this thought process rude and imposing. These were also the same girls who dated several men during high school years. I waited till I moved out to my first apartment to date anyone. Sexuality should be fluid throughout our lives, and it should be dependent on the current person in our lives. In the last ten years, I have noticed that sexuality has become more of a badge to push onto the world; that is not a healthy way to view ourselves. At no point have I ever walked up to a person and asked them about their sexuality. That is a question that is discussed between people who are interested in each other. Over the years, I have lost many friends who were women because I am actively bisexual even though I had no sexual interest in them. 

I was seventeen the first time I had a boyfriend, my first girlfriend, and the first time we had a poly relationship. It was riddled with issues from jealousy to financial problems. My life is a bit different in that I have been married to the same person for almost thirty years. My husband has always been supportive of my bisexuality. Our current girlfriend has been in our lives for over 16 years, yet people with multiple divorces still judge. For me, bisexuality means far more than sexual encounters. I need the support of a female and a male in my life. 

In the adult industry, bisexuality is viewed as someone who will sleep with anyone. I have been approached by so many people over the years who lead with well; you are bisexual, so why can't we have sex. Of course, the plethora of reasons why I might not be attracted to someone does not generally create warm fuzzy feelings on either side. When a woman works in the adult industry, and the general public discovers this, people tend to forget that no is a complete sentence. 

I find it difficult to understand how a person could not have had a minium a crush on someone of the same sex. In my mind, everyone is bisexual though a large portion may never act on those feelings. Women do several things growing up that indicate there is some form of sexual pull towards each other. Bisexual women are not attracted to every woman. We, just like everyone else, desire a meaningful relationship that will enrich our lives. We often make the best friends because we have experienced judgment coming from different areas of our lives, usually from the places that should be safest. Humans are going to be human if we can mess something up that seems to be our default. 

This year and its chaos have caused me to reflect on several areas in my life. What about you? Have you had people who have cut you out of their lives because of the choices you have made? For those that follow me, the Spring and Summer have been difficult, and to some degree, I have been absent in large portions of my life. As we move into Fall, my emotional state is improving. 

Diane Callaway has been working in the adult industry for over sixteen years. She writes erotica self-published and ghostwriting. Erotica is one of many genres she specializes in. If you need help with a start to finish product you can reach her [email protected] Diane has a patreon where she publishes her stories, mp3, blogs, and articles https://www.patreon.com/dianecallaway Her erotica and paperbacks are offered on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Diane--Callaway/e/B07D9WXXT9

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