A birthday, a funeral, a dinner and the meaning of life

Last week, I celebrated another year on earth, while on the same day, I attended the funeral of a long-time friend and mentor, Paul L'Abbe, and that evening attended the annual 'State of the Relationship' Dinner hosted by the Canada-America Business Council.

Besides being a crazy day, with plenty of emotional ups and downs, the confluence of these events led me to reflect more deeply on what is truly important in life:

1. Live your values. That means family, core beliefs and ethical principals. Paul lived those values every day and set a high bar for all leaders, and reinforced for me how profoundly important they are as we work our way through the good, the bad and the (occasionally) 'ugly' of life.
2. It isn't about you, it's about others. What mark will you leave as your footprints in the sand are washed away with the tide? In other words, were you able to pass on to others in your circle any wisdom, insight, love and appreciation that will stay with them long after you're gone. I realized how much leaders and friends such as Paul and others in my life have left with me.
3. Tell those whom you admire what they mean to you, while they're still alive. I was fortunate to say that in different ways to my father before he passed on. I don't believe I said it to Paul. I wish I had. I know I can do more in that area. I have given eulogies to close family members and a few friends. As I was delivering them (often close to tears, but hanging on) a thought would go through me, I wished I had said that when he or she was alive. Only lately have I started to have those kinds of meaningful conversations with long-time friends. But I'm going to take more time to tell those whom I love and respect how meaningful their contributions to my life have been.
4. Keep your perspective and your sense of humour. They are both true gifts that will enable you to get through the tough times. Built into them is a sense of balance and appreciation for all the good things in your life. Never lose sight of them. Be prepared to laugh at yourself. I know I do (there's so much to laugh at). President Kennedy once wrote a note of appreciation to his longtime aide, Dave Powers, “Only three things are real: God, human folly, and laughter. Since we can do nothing with the first two, we must do what we can with the third.”
5. Figure out what people will say about you after your gone. Your character traits and your impact on people are more important than your money, your list of accomplishments or awards of recognition. How did you make people feel when they interacted with you? How did you help people? Did you give them a hand up? Validate them? Those are all more important by far. Do an honest self-analysis. Speak to the people (family, friends) who are important in your life. Ask them honestly what they would say about you after your gone (an awkward set of conversations to be sure, but profoundly important). If there are gaps or concerns or doubts, remember it's never too late to do something about it.
6. Finally, celebrate the moments. Near the end of the gala dinner, as I was about to depart, suddenly several of the wait staff headed towards my table with a cake and birthday candles aglow. As people at our table started singing, 'Happy Birthday,' I could see that the person behind that wonderful gesture was none other than the President and CEO of the Canada-America Business Council, Scotty Greenwood. For that, I thanked her.

What she didn't know was that little moment at the end of a tough day meant a lot more to me than she could possibly have realized. It turned out to be a an emotional roller coaster of a day, but worth it because it got me thinking a lot more about what's important in life.

Barry J. McLoughlin, B.A. M.P.A. is a leadership communications consultant and trainer who is Senior Partner, TransformLeaders.ca, Build your brand from the inside out.