Birds of a Feather Flock Together

Unlike other measures of personality – such as the MBTI, DiSC, Hogan, and CliftonStrengths – the Reiss Motivation Profile? (RMP) is grounded in a scientific theory. In this series, we explore some of the principles of Professor Steven Reiss’s theory of motivation.

Principle VIII.? People bond to those with similar values and separate from those with opposite values.

When two people are matched on a basic desire – that is, both have a strong need for the desire, or both have a weak need – the individuals share the same values, tend to understand each other, and generally think positively about one another. Two people with a strong desire for Status, for example, share materialistic values, with each feeling the other appreciates the need to be important. Thus, these individuals have the potential for a successful relationship, bound by their shared desire to earn wealth and to acquire the symbols of high social standing.

When two people are mismatched on a basic desire – that is, one has a strong need for the desire while the other has a weak need – the individuals have opposite values, tend to misunderstand each other, and often have a negative opinion of one another. Independent people may think interdependent people lack pride and are too reliant on others, whereas interdependent individuals may view independent individuals as too stubborn and emotionally distant. Similarly, risk takers may view cautious people as cowardly, whereas cautious individuals may think risk takers are reckless. Since people are motivated to express their values, two people in a relationship with opposite values have the potential to quarrel repeatedly.

Researchers have conducted many studies confirming that "birds of a feather flock together." In other words, similarity is the basis for relationship compatibility. Some people, however, believe in the principle of “opposites attract." Consider the example of a person with a strong desire for Curiosity who marries an individual with a weak desire for Curiosity. The curious partner could make the couple’s financial decisions, while the practical partner could handle household repairs.

This simple example seems to support the idea that differences contribute positively to a relationship, but the analysis is flawed. Although complementary skills can be helpful in relationships, opposite values lead to conflict. Consider a team whose task it is to develop a new website. Accomplishing the task will require the skills and expertise of IT specialists and graphic designers. If these individuals hold opposite values for the basic desire for Beauty, however, they are likely to argue about the importance of functionality versus aesthetics.

When used with two people in a relationship, the Reiss Motivation Profile? assesses their compatibility – that is, the similar values that bind them as well as the opposite values that tend to lead to repeated quarrels. The relationship can be between any two people – for example, supervisor-employee, coach-athlete, parent-child, or romantic partners.

To learn more, visit www.reissmotivationprofile.com.

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