A Bigots guide to etiquette

OK, this one's not my normal stuff....so read on and hope it's not too bad:

NOTE: This IS a one-size fits all, if you want to discuss race, creed, color, religion, orientation, size or any other particulars about others on this or any other planet and you intend to engage in conversations OUTSIDE of your head…then read on:

NOTE: Not being a bigot, but dealing with them on a regular basis has allowed this to be written; hopefully it helps bigots integrate into society a little better…

NOTE: This might be a 2-3 part thing with the next parts being some specific examples talked through…think of it as bigot roll play.

BACKGROUND: From the soapboxes of old to the online communities of today we have always dealt with bigotry, it’s nothing new and it’s not likely to change in my lifetime or that of my children’s. The one huge difference today, and the separation that has allowed this to expand at an ever-increasing voracious rate is that of digital communications.

• In the days of old you had to stand on your soapbox at speakers corner and face your audience, which would occasionally contain a smattering of individuals you were campaigning against.
• Fast forward to broadcast television and your soapbox could reach thousands of homes at a time, then millions once the various channels got sorted out and someone patched the systems back together after World War II.
• From there things have simply increased at an exponential rate to the point where my “audience” can quickly number in the 10’s and 100’s of millions of people across the globe and can be addressed from equally anywhere on (and occasionally) off this planet.

So that now leaves us with the ability to totally detach ourselves from interactive face to face communications and instead rely upon the other persons acceptance and understanding of our written word as opposed to the individual spoken version…and that’s just one of the problems.

We have also lost our ability to be eloquent in our projection of language and all its nuances, we have shortened and bastardized communication down to a point where delivery is measured in seconds and attention to detail has all but been lost. We have in effect dumbed down language to the lowest common denominator as opposed to educating everyone upwards…to this end we give you a pocket guide to elegantly and eloquently stating your position in a manner that conveys meaning without inciting violence or illustrating you are dumber than a box of rocks.

Some logic for “why”:

• IF I did not like being around/talking with or interacting with people who have blue eyes because blue eyes give me the creeps for no logical reason then I should be able to voice that concern or that feeling…rationally and with an understanding that it’s “my” problem and I’m stating my position on it.
• I have not hated on people with blue eyes, I don’t want to throw them out of the country, nor do I want to ban them from gathering in open spaces…but I own the problem and am talking about it...that should be allowed…and for that to happen we have to educate the bigot to see the problem in that way/light.
• We can’t change some people, we can educate we can provide the logic and all the evidence but some people are hardwired to not like people with blue eyes…so then we have to accept them JUST as they have to accept that people with blue eyes have the right to be in the same space, time, location, geography, roles, work a others…which is where the fundamental problem comes in, hence educating the bigot and giving them an eloquent way to explain themselves beyond the “hatred of blue eyes.”
• At this point both parties are aware of the issue, it has been raised it has been discussed and as much logic, reasoning and communication has occurred in a meaningful and respectful manner that both parties have an understanding of the situation. All the cognitive discussions have happened, all the kindness has been passed over, all the advice and logical reasoning has occurred however there will still be some who decline to be swayed that blue eyes are ok. Nothing can be resolved, the creepy blue eye feeling is still there AND the blue-eyed people can continue to be exactly who the are, where they are and how they are, but both parties have stated their case and at least the discussions have happened in the open and everyone is aware of the situation. No further action is taken because nothing else is going to change.
• Each party is respectfully aware of the others views and both parties coexist in a respectful environment.

Yes, it’s utopia, and yes there would have to be some work done...I know that, but starting somewhere should help?

Effective communication

• Observations, facts always the facts and only the facts are to be presented and critically ALL the facts not just the ones that conveniently fit your criteria for concern. The Internet of today has fact and fiction, you role, as the bigot is to assess the facts and understand them with ALL of the observations. You should also check snopes and other sites to ensure the facts you present are accurate because you know that your opposition is going to be very well informed. Never underestimate the challenge you have being the bigot.
• Feelings, you as the bigot are allowed feeling, however the have to be non judgmental and based on an internal measure not a response to others. Because you feel it’s unfair that people of another race, creed, color or orientation are allowed you have to internalize that and understand why YOU feel it’s unfair not simply that they are the ones harming you. The feelings are yours to own and yours to rationalize, not the other parties guilt to bear.
• Needs, as the bigot you might have needs that are not being met, effectively communicating those needs in a direct manner is key to being party to any discussion. However communicating those needs has to be done in a respectful, logical and non-emotional manner that effectively passes along your requests or position on certain subject in a way that can be interpreted and understood.
• Requests not demands, as the bigot you might want everyone shipped out of the country who doesn’t meet your criteria for integration into your idealistic society. Demanding those specifics will be met with judgment and resistance, however communicating effectively and eloquently your requests of individuals to be adequately relocated based on race, creed, color, size, orientation or other criteria is likely to be met with a more measured response. Ideally your requests are presented with the necessary observations (facts remember) and feelings (internally understood) to better position yourself as the educated and well-mannered bigot.
• Others have feelings and needs, this is something that is often overlooked by the bigot, however given the above points we feel that the educated bigot will now be able to facilitate a discussion with their nemesis and be able to understand that there are always two sets of feelings, emotions and needs in play and ultimately both parties have to acknowledge the others positions, stand and background. Realizing that the person in front of you, irrespective of race, creed, color, language, orientation or other trait has feelings and they are as important as yours has to be understood and expressed. Only when both parties have recognized that neither is more important than the other can meaningful communication be undertaken.
• Respect “No”, this is the hardest part for the bigot of old to accept. When the bigot of old requested their demands be met and resistance was the answer they were unaccepting of that decision, however the educated and eloquent bigot will be able to accept that “No” is an outcome that is both possible and probable given the culturally diverse land we occupy. By changing the demand to a request, by changing the feelings and observed facts and by internalizing the concept that change has occurred there is the possibility that the bigot can understand and accept “No”. Once we have reached that point we can truly accept the bigot and their newfound eloquence.

Verbal Judo (with huge thanks to Dr. George Thompson)

• Enhanced professionalism, the power of words and how to appropriately use language according to situations. This is something that is well understood in the community the bigot has to reside within. With the above understanding the bigot can very eloquently explain their position on race, creed, color, orientation, religion and other flash points in a manner and way that articulates their position without escalating a situation. They will be able to logically explain with facts their stance on a situation, explain with emotion removed their position and argue both their side and the counter arguments in a manner that is respectful and without demands made.
• The bigot of old is a lightning rod for escalation, the eloquent bigot is anything but that, they have the ability to reason, the understand and to de-escalate situations in a manner that respects both parties viewpoints and ultimately leads to productive discussions on whatever topic the bigot has issue with. There is not always a path to resolution beyond an mutual understanding of each others position and that in itself is a respectful stance that will ensure the bigot is integrated in society and not left on the sidelines.

Ultimately the power of self expression is one that should not be taken lightly, we each have our positions on race, creed, color, religion, orientation, size, etc. We should all be able to articulate our position and be able to understand AND comprehend others based on equal footings when it comes to delivery of a respectful message. It is all parties responsibility to take guidance from above, to help the bigot integrate more effectively into society and to help them understand how to communicate in a manner that is positive, collaborative, effective and ultimately respectful to all parties.

Good luck out there, and I apologize for picking on blue-eyed people in my example, I will hug each of you!