The Biggest Win Isn't on the Field: "Welcome to Wrexham" Teaches Dads How to Love Their Gay Sons

My father recently passed away and with it comes the knowledge that every Father’s Day will be without him. Yet, even through the waves of grief, I find hope in the memories we created together, especially through sports. Some of my most cherished memories with my dad are rooted in the moments we shared at sporting events. Rob McElhenney and Ryan Reynolds TV series "Welcome to Wrexham" about Wrexham AFC , particularly the episode on fathers and family, dives deep into the unspoken bonds that sports can cultivate between fathers and sons. Sports often act as the glue that binds father-son relationships together and is the main outlet for communication between us and our fathers.?

Basketball was that bond for my father and me. He played in college, and our connection thrived when I started playing. He rarely missed one of my games. I can still picture him perched at the highest point of the bleachers, and quietly and meticulously recording my stats on the back of his business card. After the game, he’d give me the card and often he’d say, “The stats only tell one part of the picture. How you feel you did tells the other.” He never offered his opinion unless I asked and I can’t remember a time when he expressed disappointment in how I played. Though there were lots of times he should have been. He showed his love in his presence.?

My father, towering at 6’8’’, was a quiet giant in my life. Even as I grew taller, eventually surpassing six feet, his presence seemed to loom larger as I got older. We weren’t close in the traditional sense, but basketball was our common ground. He was very much an enigma to me. He was often quiet and like most fathers emotionally unavailable. As is true for many sons, my time playing competitive sports was destined to be a brief chapter in the larger story of my life. I progressed in basketball and even earned some college scholarships, but I turned them all down to pursue a career in the arts. When I chose to pursue my passion instead of basketball, our conversations waned, leaving a silence that deepened with my struggle to embrace my identity as a gay man.?

The distance between us started in my teen years. Growing up I was battling silently on how to become more comfortable in my sexuality as a gay man. We could talk about the games we watched and that I played in, but I could never find the courage to talk about my fears and my sexuality. I didn’t even know where to begin. The struggle internally grew and so did the silence between my father and I. In college and into my early 20s my conversations with my father regretfully didn’t happen regularly. Occasionally we’d talk maybe twice a month, but it wasn’t until my late 20s, when I came out and started taking my father and brother to LA Galaxy games, that our relationship found new life. Sports rekindled our bond. Under the stadium lights, amidst the roar of the crowd, cheering and hugging when we scored, it was as if someone had turned on the light switch and we could communicate again. Be a father and son again. The distance evaporated for me, as we cheered shoulder to shoulder.?

We tailgated before each game and from the outside, you wouldn’t know that a gay son was with his father. We were just like every other jersey-wearing father-son, although I’d argue better as the pulled pork I prepared for the tailgate was superior to all others. My Dad even thought I bought it from Costco, which if you know fathers, is one of the highest compliments one can get.?

"Welcome to Wrexham" sheds light on how essential sports are in father-son relationships. They provide a safe space for fathers to express emotions, opportunities to share stories from their childhood, and to bond with each other. As a father, sports is a safe place to show your emotions and feelings when the rest of the world is closed to it.?

Yet, there’s a harsh reality. The hard truth is sports aren’t safe places for gay or transgender sons to be. It’s often the places with the most homophobic and hostile environments. This needs to change, and the change starts with fathers. Often when sons come out to their fathers they stop inviting them to games, or even worse kick them out of their homes. I was fortunate to keep my family, but many of my friends weren’t as lucky. Throughout my life in sports, I feared my sexuality wouldn’t be accepted, and that I had to overcompensate to fit in. I’ve played sports most of my life and during that time I was afraid that my sexuality wouldn’t be welcomed in the locker room or on the court. It kept me up the nights before games and I was constantly on alert that my teammates wouldn’t accept me and that they would find out. Every time I ran down the court, made a pass, or experienced an injury, I felt I had to be more “masculine” than others on my team. On the TV were reports of hate crimes. The music my friends listened to dropped the f word nearly every track and the jokes even by other fathers constantly reminded me I was less than and I wasn’t safe. It didn’t matter how many points I scored. As I got older I stopped wanting to be the leading scorer and captain on my team and I shifted to support roles and wanting to be a good teammate. I took pride in being the teammate out of the spotlight who did all the hard thankless work so the team could win. I didn’t want the spotlight as I was afraid of what that attention would reveal, so I hid myself.?

My father had no idea about this struggle. Most sons would simply be nervous before a game, but for me, my struggle was in every practice, found in every playground, and in each game. There wasn’t a single safe space for me when I was near a basketball. I had to pretend and by pretending I hurt my relationship with my father. Time I’ll never get back.??

The good news is that progress is being made. More young gay athletes are coming out and staying in sports. But we deserve and need more from fathers. This progress won’t pick up momentum without the support of fathers. We need fathers to step up, to invite their gay sons to games, and to stand by them proudly. Fathers must make sports a sanctuary for all, ensuring that every son, regardless of his sexuality, knows he’s welcome.?

Being a father means protecting your child and embracing him wholly, just as fervently as you support your team. Show your strength through inclusivity, allowing every child the joy of bonding over sports. It’s more than just words – it’s about showing up, supporting, and making sports a place for all of us, even if your child isn’t a member of the LGBT+ community. We need your support. Sons everywhere need to know they are welcome. We deserve a place to bond with our fathers just as you have with yours.?

Pride shouldn't be a one-off event at the stadium. It should be in every cheer, every game, and every moment shared between fathers and sons. To the fathers who make sports safe and welcoming for all, thank you.