The Biggest Regret of my Career

Are you making the same mistake?

[Disclaimer: The article below is intended as a commentary on our current corporate culture, and is not aimed at any specific firm or organisation, nor do the explanations or examples refer to any company specifically. In other words, lighten up and don't take any of this personally.]

No, it wasn’t the aversion to networking. Those who hobnobbed with the corporate aristocracy probably benefited, but for someone as introverted as me the drinks-and-dinner opportunities were just too discomfiting.

It also wasn’t the lack of a mentor. I do wish I had secured one to guide my career decisions, but the same introversion had me unconsciously avoiding chatting commitments with potential gurus.

Still, that too wasn’t the worst regret of my career, which now spans more than twenty years.

Let me explain my mistake this way.

You know how some people stay back in office really late even when they don’t need to. I know why the singletons are at their desk past 10 pm — obviously the air-conditioning and the high-speed internet. But for others, the reasons are shaky at best — avoiding rush-hour traffic, able to concentrate better in a quiet office, etc. 

Frankly, there is no good reason for anyone, especially those with families, to stay back in office late every day. You have a solid nine to ten hours available every day for your work and so staying back after that as a regular habit is an avoidable act of self-harm.

I was among those people and I have paid an incalculable price for it. Imagine the worst gambling table ever, where the most you can win is a few dollars but if you lose you have to hand over all your money. I was among the idiots who sat at this table every night and kept losing, and then returned the next night to lose again.

While I chose to stay in office, my little son was growing up and there was a stretch of about two years where he pretty much didn’t have a father. Among the numerous photos we have of him, there are quite a few where one sees a little boy who has grown thinner and smiles much less. He sometimes looks angry and sometimes just sad in those photos. These were his early schooling years and he needed me. But I was too busy scoring points for staying back late in office.

I could blame the company leadership. What sort of a message are you sending to everyone else when you publicly laud Jerry (name changed) for always being in office till 2 am. They would say that I had a choice, but in unspoken terms no one was allowed that choice.

But the final decision to not pack up and leave office at a reasonable hour was mine. The truth is that I chose to conform to cultural expectations and mindlessly follow the mob. 

Staying back late earned me the support and even admiration of my colleagues and bosses, and made me feel important and accomplished. The other side only had the love of my family to offer, and their love was available unconditionally anyway. I chose the easy option and not the right one.

I made it a pattern to come to office only by late morning, with the circular reasoning that I had been working late the night before. Most of the morning was just the janitorial duties of emails and team updates. Post-lunch period was about attending meetings or finding someone to chat with as a bulwark against the seductive calls of sleepiness. 

Finally, sometime around five, I would crack my knuckles and get down to serious work. That too would get mixed with some internet “research” and grabbing tea with the colleague who was busy earlier in the day. I would finally head home once the roads looked empty enough, which in most Asian cities is late enough for Batman to end his shift.

In return, I did get a big promotion and was rewarded with at least a couple of foreign trips with “flexible” itineraries. On the other hand, my son fell ill a lot during this period but I was never around to help. He was having adjustment problems in his new school and was miserable, but guess who he could never talk to about it. The guy who was too busy trying to outdo his colleagues in staying back late in office.

He’s seventeen now and fast becoming independent. Thanks to the heroic efforts of his mother and some sterling support from his grandparents, he’s turned out fine. In other words, the loss was completely mine.

The decision to stay back in office late unnecessarily is by far the biggest regret of my career.

I could’ve tried to leave during sunlight hours on at least a couple of days a week as a habit, thereby setting expectations with others. I could’ve pushed myself to start earlier each day, wrap up on time, and take evening calls from home, when I couldn’t decline them. I could’ve managed my daily and weekly priorities with greater discipline to ensure that interruptions from the office gossip were pushed to a much lower priority.

If you’re in the same situation as I was, don’t be misled by the smiling faces you see when you reach home each day. Don’t assume that delighting them with expensive toys and vacations is enough. You don’t know what they go through when they need you and you aren’t there.

One evaluates every decision in life as a success or failure, based on how much it cost to do and how much one gained in return. By that heuristic, those couple of years marked the worst decision of my working life. The gains were minimal but the losses were irreplaceable. You may want to take stock too.

Until the next time, you stay cool and keep building a better life.

Arif Mansuri writes, coaches, facilitates and does whatever executives in MNCs do.

 For more of his work, served in smaller doses, also follow him on twitter @ArifMansuri006.

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