The Biggest Performance Failure of Parents

This article is not being written as parenting advice, but rather as insight into the data-based ways that parents negatively impact their child’s performance. Whether it’s in football, dance, violin, or anything between, performance is most commonly negatively impacted by these key behaviours and the adjustments suggested will make an impact in all aspects of life.

Where is this coming from?

It all started with the work that Boost Innovation had to do in order to start the construction of the FLW Analytics software for sport mindset performance. When looking at a needs assessment for performance in youth sport, there were many factors that were reviewed to determine priorities for the solution. The process of evaluating these needs included feedback surveys, focus groups, dedicated observation, and other information gathering.

The FLW Analytics performance mindset software ended up targeting eight key areas for sport mindset performance:

• MTP: Maximum Typical Performance
• ALT: Altruism
• CIR: Cognitive Interference Resistance
• CON: Concentration
• ITC: Implicit Team Coordination
• ACT: Action Orientation
• LGO: Learning Goal Orientation
• PGO: Performance Goal Orientation

The two areas of FLW that are focused on in this article are the CON (Concentration) and CIR (Cognitive Interference Resistance) factors of performance mindset.

About CON and CIR

CON and CIR are closely related as they speak to the ability of the person in question to be able to concentrate when there is no distraction, as well as that person’s ability to resist interference in their mind’s ability to process incoming information.

These factors work hand-in-hand to determine the ability of the person to do things such as:

• Play the proper notes on the piano even when someone at the recital sneezes.
• Continue the speech they are making even though someone in the back giggles.
• Make the proper pass in basketball even though the defense goes somewhere unexpected.
• And many more.?

How Is This Related To Parenting For Performance?

Through all the data collection, one thing was clear.

When a parent coaches from the sideline, applies high pressure to outcomes in their day to day conversation, speaks negatively about their child’s coach/teacher/mentor, or speaks negatively about their child’s peers it directly impacts two things.

First, it hurts their ability to concentrate on their own performance in the moment (which is the more obvious side effect), but the part that might be shocking to some is that it also impacts their ability to concentrate and block out interference moving forward in the long term.

What Does That Mean?

It is normal to want the best for a child and to try to help in any way you can. However, injecting yourself in a role besides supporter and parent WILL hurt them in that moment and over the long term. They will have a harder time listening to their coaches/teachers/etc, as well as responding to unexpected stimuli in the moment as they become conditioned to tuning out certain aspects of their environment (you).

The willingness to criticize the leaders in their life, and/or their peers, shows a willingness to criticize poor performance harshly. Their brain will subconsciously (and eventually consciously) begin to associate poor performance with your criticism. Not only will they lose trust and relationships in these people…but they will lose trust in you.

Shouting from the audience/sideline and pressuring for strong outcomes will directly lead a hyper-focus on impressing only you and your outcome goals. Not only could this distract from the broader picture of their development at that craft, but it it will likely also lead to eventual drop out and dislike for that craft.

What Can You Do To Be Better?

There are many ways to support your child through performance in a way that are more effective that sideline shouts, high outcome pressures, and criticism of those around them beyond just, “don’t do it”.

• Use the conversation in the car to build focus on putting forth effort and having a good attitude above all else. You coach/teach WHO THEY ARE and let the coach/teacher focus on WHAT THEY DO.
• Focus on building trust and positive relationships with leaders and peers. If they disagree with them use that as an opportunity to give guidance on how to ask questions and respectfully challenge them. Those skills will come in handy in many other areas too!
• Notice your ego. When you’re yelling at the refs, the coach, your child, the teacher, their teammates, etc you’re not doing it because it’s likely to be helpful to them. Deep down it’s an attempt to demonstrate that you’re always able to help them, that you know a lot, and that you can make things better. THIS IS NORMAL. But notice it…then stop.

Boost Innovation builds software for human performance measurement. They provide digital solutions, training, and consulting for performance in multiple fields. The information contained here is based on their work develop FLW Analytics for sport and GRW Analytics for workplace culture and performance.