The biggest obstacle to great leadership

Running a company or any other type of organisation is a huge responsibility, not only because its results depend a great deal on how you lead but also because the impact you have on your people doesn't end at 5 or 6 when they go home in the evening - they take that with them. That can be quite a sobering reality...

The obstacle

The reality of humans is that we bring our past to the present, and we live the present based on our past experiences. In the same way, because you can't separate leadership from who you are, you cannot leave your past at the door! And a lot of that has to do with our childhood. If you are tempted to stop reading because this sounds kind of woo-woo or soft, stick with me! You will see how practical it is.

Now, first things first. I am not a psychologist, and I do not pretend to be one (so I am not giving any professional advice or analysis here, just my own opinion ??), but having studied psychology as a hobby over the past ten years or so, I have come to see lots of patterns both in myself and in others I have had the privilege of getting to know well. I know that I can overreact to certain things, and over the years, I am beginning to see the whys of those behaviours, and I have been able to implement tools to tame them a bit.

Where am I going with this? Let's apply it to leadership with an example: let's say that you thought you needed to prove yourself to your dad when you were growing up, and you never felt good enough. This is no judgment on your dad, but just how you felt! As an adult, in leading your company, you might have felt like you need to do the same in front of other men at work, and you will find yourself going out of your way to do so. While running the business, you might never want to admit you are wrong, so you double down. You don't like anyone giving suggestions and might discourage it altogether. You might ask for feedback, but deep down, you don't want it. You might not even ask for it at all! And you might decide to make all the decisions yourself - my way or the highway. Now, you know this is not your true self and how you would like things to be. The problem is, this type of thing could kill morale, and, on a subconscious level, the only people you might want to hire are the ones who won't challenge your thinking - and that makes for a dangerous echo chamber!

Or say you felt loved only when your parents were pleased with you for what you did. Well, you might go around looking for others' approval at work, too. Contrary to the previous example, you could ask for everyone's opinion and become agitated because you can't please everyone. You dread making a decision because someone might get upset. And then you might not decide at all. Or you allow the decision to be made for you and blame the circumstances. Again, this is not the real you, but the problem is that your people will feel like they are not being led, and that, too, kills morale because the leader needs to make decisions.

I know this is just a very brief look at what I think is the biggest obstacle - ourselves - but when we begin to look out for and get to know our less-than-ideal tendencies (and we all have them - nobody is perfect!), we can begin to see patterns emerge and then put means into place to try to mitigate their effects. As they say, knowledge is the beginning of wisdom.