The Biggest Mistakes Couples Make in Marriage (and How to Avoid Them)

Marriage is one of the most beautiful and transformative experiences two people can share. Yet, too often, couples unknowingly fall into habits that threaten the very bond they’ve worked so hard to build. These mistakes don’t just affect the present—they can slowly chip away at the foundation of your relationship, making it harder to reconnect, communicate, or thrive together.

So, what are the biggest mistakes couples make in marriage, and how can you avoid them?

1. Taking Each Other for Granted

In the beginning, we’re often full of admiration for our partner—the little things they do, the way they look at us, the shared moments of laughter. Over time, however, it’s easy to slip into a routine where we stop appreciating them. We assume they’ll always be there, and that sense of gratitude fades.

The Fix: Never stop appreciating your partner. A simple “thank you” for something as small as taking out the trash or making dinner can go a long way. Consistently showing appreciation keeps the emotional connection alive and reminds both of you why you chose each other in the first place.

2. Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Every couple faces challenges, but too many avoid difficult conversations, thinking that silence will keep the peace. In reality, silence only breeds resentment. When you fail to talk through issues—big or small—you create a barrier that grows with time.

The Fix: Make open, honest communication a priority. Don’t let anything fester. Whether it's a small disagreement or a major issue, face it head-on, with respect and empathy. You don’t have to agree on everything, but talking through it keeps you connected and strengthens trust.

3. Not Prioritizing the Relationship

Life gets busy—work, kids, friends, hobbies—and it’s easy for the marriage to take a backseat. Couples often let their relationship become an afterthought, assuming that love will survive without effort. But the truth is, a marriage requires constant nurturing.

The Fix: Put your relationship first, no matter how busy life gets. Regular date nights, quality time together, or even just checking in during the day to say “I love you” can make all the difference. Prioritize each other as a team, not just as individuals.

4. Letting Intimacy Fade

Intimacy isn’t just physical—it’s emotional, mental, and spiritual. When couples don’t invest in intimacy on all levels, they lose the deep connection that once made them feel united. Over time, this disconnect can lead to feelings of loneliness or resentment.

The Fix: Make intimacy a priority. Be vulnerable with each other, share your thoughts, dreams, fears, and desires. Don’t let physical intimacy fade either—make time for it, and never underestimate its power to strengthen your bond.

5. Falling Into the Blame Game

It’s easy to point fingers when things aren’t going right, but constantly blaming each other only deepens the divide. When one partner is blamed, they feel attacked, defensive, and less likely to work toward a solution.

The Fix: Instead of blaming, focus on the problem and work as a team to solve it. Use “I” statements rather than “You” statements. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” try “I feel unheard when we don’t talk about this.” Shifting from blame to collaboration creates a sense of unity, even in challenging times.

6. Neglecting Personal Growth

Couples sometimes assume that marriage is about “merging” two people into one. But the truth is, a thriving relationship requires both partners to continue growing, evolving, and pursuing their own passions. When one or both people stop growing individually, the relationship can become stagnant.

The Fix: Support each other’s individual growth. Encourage each other to pursue passions, hobbies, or career goals. A healthy marriage is made up of two whole individuals who continue to evolve, while growing together as a couple.

7. Ignoring the Power of Forgiveness

Every marriage faces mistakes, missteps, and misunderstandings. However, many couples hold onto grudges instead of embracing forgiveness. This unforgiveness creates emotional baggage that weighs the relationship down, sometimes to the point of breaking.

The Fix: Learn to forgive—and to ask for forgiveness. Holding onto past hurt only prevents both of you from moving forward. True healing happens when both partners are willing to let go of past mistakes and give each other the grace to grow.

The Bottom Line: Marriage Takes Work

Marriage isn’t about finding someone who completes you; it’s about building a partnership where both people feel seen, valued, and supported. The mistakes that most couples make—whether it’s taking each other for granted, avoiding hard conversations, or letting intimacy fade—are all things that can be overcome with intentional effort.

If you’re feeling disconnected or stuck in your marriage, know that it’s not too late to make a change. Every day is a new opportunity to strengthen your relationship. The key is to stay engaged, communicate openly, and make the choice—every single day—to work together.

Your marriage deserves your best effort, and with the right mindset and habits, it can thrive for years to come.

I created a free resource to support you and your partner in developing and maintaining the healthy habits that will keep your marriage strong. This free checklist includes:

:: The 10 essential habits that keep happy couples connected and thriving.

:: A built-in self-assessment tool to uncover your strengths and growth areas.

:: Simple, actionable steps you can start using today to strengthen your relationship.

Get instant access here: https://drchavonne.com/checklist/

To a beautiful weekend,

Dr. Chavonne