The biggest mistake I made in my career and the four enduring lessons I took away

I often get asked what's my most critical piece of advice to my younger.

The answer is as clear as day. I wish I had enlisted the help of an experienced mentor earlier into my career acceleration journey.

But this wasn't for lack of trying. My first two attempts to find a trusted advisor in Australia failed miserably. None of my work-assigned mentors knew how to handle me.

Their so called mentoring blueprints worked well for my Australian born colleagues, but were not suited to my needs. The idea of changing my beliefs, interests, and actions to fit into the Australian commercial environment proved draining.

As i wrote in the Gift of Obstacles, I ended up joining after-work functions I didn't enjoy and endured hours and hours of workmates talking a rugby lingo – scrum halves, charge downs, drop goals – I neither understood nor wanted to learn.

But my experiences are not unique. I have heard countless narratives from fellow immigrants who often find themselves stuck between two worlds and suddenly belonging to none.

Those experiences made me resent the idea of mentoring, but that was a humongous mistake.

I decided to pave my own paths in the woods back in 2013. I wanted to pursue my deepest passions while staying true to my values. I was sick of living a life others expected of me.

But doing it alone came at a huge cost. I was too close to my own work to identify my flaws.        

Looking back, I shouldn't have given up my search for a relatable mentor prematurely. Here are four reasons why:

1. A good mentor can see your potential before you even see it yourself. Dozens of experienced cyber security professionals who join our Cyber Leadership Program (CLP) often downplay their capabilities. But clarifying questions from their assigned mentors help expose leadership strengths and delete limiting thoughts - accelerating them into CISO roles much quicker than they ever perceived. A great mentor can be the difference that pushes you out of your comfort zone towards your calling. In the enduring words of Guillaume Apollinaire:

“Come to the edge," he said.

"We can't, we're afraid!" they responded.

"Come to the edge," he said.

"We can't, We will fall!" they responded.

"Come to the edge," he said.

And so they came.

And he pushed them.

And they flew."

2. When I started mentoring fellow professionals, I used to talk a lot. I would show up with a one-size-fits-all success formula, which, paradoxically, never succeeded. Things changed when I realised that good mentorship is more about showing up, shutting up, and actively listening. The more I stayed interested in one's journey, the more likely I was to offer sage advice. As Marc Freedman once said, “The key is not being interesting. The real key is being interested—being present and paying attention.”

3. A good mentor won't give you a shortcut, but they streamline the process by helping you sidestep career-derailing mistakes and keeping your eye on the prize. We have modelled this concept into our cyber leadership program. A nominated mentor remains deeply invested in each participant's progress throughout the eight weeks. Each CLP participant is required to develop a comprehensive cybersecurity strategy from a blank slate. Through an iterative process, the mentor helps each participant to fine-tune their executive presentations – all while leaving enough space for the mentee to find and nurture their own voice.

4. Some professionals make the strategic mistake of pairing themselves with insecure mentors who try to keep them under their thumps, micro-manage their lives and stifle their growth. Rather, choose a mentor who is happy to see you transcend their own accomplishments.

In the words of Friedrich Nietzsche,  “One repays a teacher badly if one always remains nothing but a pupil.”         

Please don't get me wrong. I have had numerous informal mentors from work and community during the last ten years. I am grateful for all I have achieved, but the process was also hit-and-miss. Sometimes, the learning curves were so steep they almost pushed me over the cliff.

Mentors who've been there and done it are essential to anyone serious about amplifying their impact. It's that simple.

Faraday was mentored by Humphry Davy, Nelson Mandela by Walter Sisulu and Queen Nzinga by her Father, King of Ndongo. And here you are, trying to figure out the complexities of life, work or business on your own.         

Most of us need an experienced mentor to whom we can confide, bounce ideas, and confess our fears and struggles. The value of a great mentor cannot be calculated.

I look back with a healthy level of regret, but I don't cry about it or dwell on it. As James Baldwin famously said, "To accept one's past, one's history, is not the same thing as drowning in it."

That’s why we have crafted an irresistible offer for anyone keen to enroll in our next Cyber Leadership Program and Cyber Strategy and Transformation Programs. We want to help aspiring cyber executives to tap into the decades worth of frontline experience from our distinguished mentors. Jan Schreuder Darren Argyle Nicholas Forsyth Catrina M. Ed Badawi Andrea Penze

Please follow the link in the comments section to learn more.