The Biggest Enemy of Mindset!

Perfectionism is often worn as a badge of honor and greatness. As if people or things that aren't perfect are failures. It is a trait that is highly valued on the outside but causes a lot of trouble on the inside. Perfectionism is caused by the stress of high expectations, the fear of failing, comparison, and the use of social media filters, photoshop, and makeup. However, the more one strives for perfection, the more flawed their perception of reality becomes. The stress is worse when there is more space (or a void) between the ideal and the real world.

Perfectionism is growing, with a rising number of people striving to perfect their lifestyles and themselves. In this article, we will discuss how to identify perfectionism, why it can be problematic, and some potential solutions.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is when you strive for perfection and high performance.? This is often accompanied by strong self-criticism and concern about how others will evaluate your performance.

A common job interview question is, “what are your weaknesses?” People often say, "I tend to be a perfectionist," when asked this question. This answer isn't seen as a weakness. Instead, it's seen as a clever way out as perfectionism appears to be a good trait to others.? It means you value your work and have high standards.? Who doesn’t like that? But on the inside, you are constantly being critical of yourself.? You are concerned that your work won’t be good enough and that others will know it. You overthink things, procrastinate because it’s hard to get started on “perfection”, and you never feel like you’re good enough.

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that perfectionism is a desirable or admirable quality because it demonstrates that we pay close attention to detail and always get things right. In point of fact, however, obsessive perfectionism can cause more problems than it would solve. It can be extremely damaging to our sense of self-worth, put a strain on our interpersonal relationships, and even put our physiological health at risk.

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What causes perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a coping mechanism commonly used by people who have experienced prolonged trauma. The accompanying feelings of guilt and self-blame are significant factors for many people going through traumatic experiences.

The feeling of uncertainty is closely tied to anxiety.? Uncertainty creates anxiety because there is so much room to think of the possibilities and the “what ifs.” This leaves you feeling stuck and with a lack of direction.

This can make them want to make the "right choice" about what to do next to make sure the best possible outcome. They may want to make the best possible decision, so they tend to overanalyze everything. They get stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and indecision when they start researching, googling, seeking reassurance from others, and ultimately doubting themselves.

This is because they think that if they don't meet those standards, it makes them a failure or a loser. Thus, they experience guilt whenever they make a mistake.

A perfectionist may be so afraid of making mistakes that they don't try anything new, just to avoid the shame they think they'll feel if they make a mistake. Thus, a perfectionist is at risk of developing a habit of delaying things.

You can see the prison that perfectionists live in. A perfectionist loses a little bit of confidence every time they do something that isn't up to their standards. This loss of self-assurance hurts too much, so they avoid taking risks for fear of making mistakes.?

So, the only way they have to maintain their confidence is by not attempting stuff.

Also, perfectionists may do the same task again and again. They may take longer to complete tasks that would normally be completed in less time because they strive for perfection.

If a person thinks they should never make a mistake, always look their best, or always get the best grades, failing to do these things hurts their ego a lot. The best way to spot a perfectionist is to see if they take their failures too personally.

Even those who have experienced childhood trauma are prone to perfectionism, especially if their parents or caregivers withheld affection. In such situations, children are likely to believe that they must 'prove themselves' or their self-worth in order to earn love and approval.

Many abused children experience self-blaming for the perpetrator's actions; thus, in order to regain control, children will seek perfection or engage in perfectionism behaviors in order to gain control over at least one aspect of their lives. They do this to avoid the humiliation of being blamed for something completely beyond their control. They hope that by being perfect, the child will never be blamed for anything. Additionally, research shows that childhood trauma and abuse can create a compulsion for perfectionism in a large cohort of children.

Perfectionism can also develop because of failure which is often related to traumatic childhood experiences. When a child can't do something perfectly and is criticized or made to feel like they're not good enough because of it, they may feel like they have to do everything perfectly. They learn early on that doing things perfectly is the best way to get people's approval and keep them from criticizing them.

The root cause of perfectionism

A person will want to appear perfect only if they feel inferior inside in some way. Just for the sake of hiding their perceived flaws, they build a wall of perfectionism around them. By appearing perfect, they think others won’t be able to notice their flaws.

For example, a person who lacks social skills may try to reach perfection in their job. This way, they’re able to justify to themselves and to others (in their own mind), why they have no social life. They convince themselves that since they’re perfect at what they do and it takes up all of their time, they have no social life.

Had they not been perfect in their job, they would have to admit the fact that they lack social skills and that could have possibly hurt their ego. So, in this case, perfectionism was used as a defense mechanism.

This person will experience tremendous psychological distress if they fail in their career. Such an event would raise their wall of perfectionism to the ground.

How to overcome perfectionism

Overcoming perfectionism is simply a matter of letting go of the false belief that "human beings should never make mistakes."

If you try to be perfect, you probably look up to people whom you think are perfect. You want to be as good as them. I think you should look into their pasts. Find out how they got to this point where everything seems to be going so well.

You will almost always find out that they had to make a lot of mistakes to get where they are now. You don't want to make mistakes, though. You want to get there as soon as possible. You want an omelet but don't want to break any eggs. Doesn't work.

If you remain stuck in this belief that you have to be perfect in everything you do, you’ll be chasing a ghost all your life.

Is it possible to maintain your drive and desire for high quality, without the constant pressure and criticism you put on yourself?

Absolutely yes! In the same way, you learn perfectionistic behaviors & beliefs, you can also unlearn them and replace them with more positive behaviors and beliefs. You can focus on performing well but not getting stuck, doubting yourself, and criticizing yourself.

The irony of trying to be perfect is that we are already perfect in every way. We are all different, have flaws, and can make mistakes. A desire for perfection can help move things forward and keep them getting better. But if you let it get the best of you, it will soon turn into a curse that runs your life.

Being perfect can be monotonous. You can lose your purpose if you stick to perfection, which can hinder your growth.

So, learn to take charge of what you can and give up on what you can't change. Trying to control external factors will only make the pain of perfection worse.