Bigger Than My Britches

I know I’ve talked a lot about high school Anna Kate in these blogs but without her I wouldn’t be the Anna Kate I am now. Growing up, I was always smart. I was in Honors classes in elementary and middle school, excelled at standardized tests without a sweat, took AP classes in high school, always had above-average grades and GPA, and was in as many Honors societies as possible, etc. I don’t say all this to brag, but instead, to set the stage for the mindset I’d always had: school was easy and I was smart. I didn’t have to study much, a lot of it came naturally to me. It was always that simple. You might be thinking, “Wow, Anna Kate, your life is SO hard. You were a straight “A” student. Boo Hoo.” But honestly, I wish I wasn’t.?

Going through all my years of school not having to work hard or dig deeper set me up for 4 very hard years of college. Yes, having good grades and extracurriculars helped me get into college, but didn’t set me up for success once I got there. I had to teach myself how to study, how to ask harder questions, how to truly learn. It didn’t come easy to me anymore and I didn’t know how to handle that.?

UNC-Chapel Hill was always the dream. I grew up a State fan (unfortunately). My dad graduated from NC State, so naturally we went to all the football games, I had a Wolfpack cheerleader uniform and my brother and I had matching NC State outfits. I looked adorable in red, but when I got older, I realized Carolina blue flattered me much more. I visited the UNC campus my junior year and fell in love. You know when you arrive somewhere and everything just fits? Just seems right? That's exactly how I felt. From that moment on, Carolina was the goal.?

Applying to colleges was time-consuming and tedious, but nonetheless, something that had to be done. I applied to a lot of colleges. I tried to imagine my life at each and how it would be different, how I would be different. It always came back to Carolina Anna Kate, and I wanted her so badly. I had my safety schools and schools that I liked. Schools I could see myself being happy at, sure. The closer it got to acceptances coming out the more I prepared myself. To me, it was always better to underestimate than be disappointed. So that's what I did. I built a life around getting into other colleges. I spent weeks convincing myself how great it would be if I went to Clemson or UGA. Preparing myself for the rejection letter I would soon receive from my dream school. I didn’t even let myself think about UNC. No way getting in would actually be a possibility, right? No way they would read my essay and want me. No way they would look at my test scores and extracurriculars and choose me. But they did.?

I was in a minivan on the way to serve at Windy Gap as a member of the Young Life work crew with some of my closest friends. I got a text in my group chat that said, “Have you opened it yet?” My stomach dropped. The moment I had been dreading was here. THE email. Everyone in the car knew exactly what was to come. I tried to play it cool. Keep my composure. Expecting the worst. My best friend was sitting beside me and knew what this moment meant for me. She held my hand as I opened the email from UNC-Chapel Hill Student Admissions. “We would like to congratulate you on your acceptance…” was all I had to see. Tears and tears. I cried. My best friend cried. Everyone else in the car cried. One of those cries that evokes so much emotion you almost choke from the lump in your throat. I did it. How could I have done it? Why did I think I couldn’t??