Bigger, Better, Brighter

"Would you be willing to learn from my mistakes?"

What a great question that would be to say a resounding, "Yes!" to throughout history! What could we learn from Napoleon's mistakes, from Wellington, from Elizabeth the 1st and from Churchill? But what about from Mavis, from Jeff, from Charles, and from Dorothy? What about learning from the mistakes of people who aren't in the history books? Surely they've got much to teach us too?

You see, until we learn from other people's mistakes, we're likely to make the same, or at least similar, errors.

Perhaps that's why The Good Book is full of some pretty horrible stories alongside the tales of triumph? There's a picture in the Russell-Cotes Museum in Bournemouth that rips my heart out - it is that powerful.

artuk.org/discover/artworks/jephthahs-vow-in-the-wilderness-5864

This is the story of a life-changing mistake made in the exultation of a moment of victory. The impact of the painting is somewhat diminished if you don't know the story, but if you do, it is so powerful. In addition, the canvas is huge - it's as if you could step into the story. [The story of Jephthah's Vow is here.]

My point, whether or not you read the story, is that many have learned from Jephthah's mistake, and a tradition was created in Israel to remember this event every year as a lesson to all of us.

Every experience holds its own lesson.

My Mistake

This week, I shall turn 56. When I was 50, I was happy. Life was bigger, better, and brighter than it had been for years - perhaps even decades. Bigger, better, brighter in all aspects. Then it all went a bit 'Pete Tong' - as we Londoners say. The last six years have been horrible. There have been losses that can never be restored (close friends, family, and childhood heroes), and losses that can be recovered. The bottom line, though, is that my life is far less now than it was - and that in just six years. And out of the recognition of this has arisen a mistake as potentially serious as Jephthah's: I made a decision that the best was behind me.

One way of understanding motivation is to think of 'away from' and 'towards'. If you are 'away from' something unpleasant, like the sight of dishes piling up in the sink, you may become powerfully motivated to do the dishes! And that's a good thing, isn't it?

You can also be positively motivated 'towards' something that is pleasant - for example, the thrill you get when all the dishes are washed and put away and the kitchen is clean and tidy. Both motivations get the dishes done - but one is way more fun!

My mistake, however, was huge. I decided (though I didn't know at the time) to be 'away from' the future, and 'towards' the past. If the best was truly behind me - in the past - my past was far better than my future. That's a suicidal choice.

It's a choice that many have made over the years. It makes some sense of the death of Robin Williams and Keith Emerson - two of my heroes. For them, the past was better than the future, so they became 'away from' their future. Organisations do this too. Many retail organisations have a past that is far better than their projected future - and if they turn to be 'towards' that glorious past, there is little hope for them! The list of High Street giants that have fallen speaks for itself. The market hasn't gone - it's just changed location. Doom and gloom, eh?

There is hope.

It's time to switch

This is often in the media and online. Is it time for you to switch bank accounts, banks, energy suppliers...? Chances are that, if you do, your future will be bigger, brighter, better. (Probably an exaggeration there, but you might be a bit better off!)

Far more importantly, is it time for you to switch your paradigm - your way of seeing your world? Have you knowingly or unknowingly fallen into the trap I fell into - the trap of believing the best is behind you? Being 'away from' the future is an absolute no-win scenario. If you're running that pattern, you need to join me in switching now.

The honest truth

The honest truth is that the future may not be bigger, better, brighter. This is the dream of the young in mind or body! Nevertheless, the future must become compelling again - no matter how bad or gloomy the present. I write this from Dorset with a dawn of freezing fog. It is beautiful, but not everyone likes it. It is, however, burning off already. The Sun is breaking through. The day will become clearer just as surely as Spring will follow Winter.

This may be a message for you today, or it may be a message to help you understand those who have followed me into my mistake. With your help, people like us can learn to switch back to being towards the future, and away from the past - that is the only sustainable choice. 'Towards' the future is the paradigm of hope.

It would be naive to think we can recover what we've lost, but also false to believe that there is nothing good in the future, nothing worth re-engaging in the rhythm of life for. Let us grieve, and then move forward (not on, just forward) towards

...a bigger, better, brighter future.

...

Afterword

If you are going through the valley at the moment, may I recommend writing? I know now exactly the time I chose the past over the future - it was the end of November, 2016. Importantly, for me, I did not stop writing. And, as a result, insight flowed. I only realised this morning what I had done - writing is like fresh bread - we need 'daily bread'. I will keep you informed of my progress and it may just be that I put my life right by putting my life write!

... and for your edification: Genesis, "Undertow."

Spring must strike again, against the shield of Winter

Better think awhile

Or I may never think again.

If this were the last day of your life, my friend,

Tell me, what do you think you would do then?

Stand up to the blow that fate has struck upon you,

Make the most of all you still have coming to you, [or]

Lay down on the ground and let the tears run from you,

Crying to the grass and trees and heaven finally on your knees

Let me live again, let life come find me wanting.

Spring must strike again against the shield of winter.

Let me feel once more the arms of love surround me,

Telling me the danger's past, I need not fear the icy blast again.

@LexMcKee (on Twitter)