The Big Rethink

Have you ever thought…

What if my life could be different? ?How can I do meaningful work that makes a difference? ?

How would it feel to love your life and do work completely aligned with your values? Doing what you are meant to do, making a positive impact, and feeling completely fulfilled.

Can you imagine feeling great about most aspects of your life, knowing that you are right where you are meant to be? ?I know that can sometimes feel like a stretch. ?I have been through periods where work was challenging, and I needed to hide my thoughts and keep my opinions to myself. It didn’t feel great to split myself in half to manage my work and life. ?It created stress, disconnection, and frustration.

Living a divided life is the opposite of wholeness, integration, and truth. Yet this is what so many of us do to get by. Keep up appearances, earn a living, navigate nasty office politics, and make partners happy (fill in the blank…). ?All the excuses we make to avoid what might be missing in our lives and reasons for treading water and running the rat race to get ahead.

You would think we get a prize for whoever dies with the most toys. What do we win? ?Not much. You won’t get a gold medal for high blood pressure, stress, anxiety, and burnout. ?Nope. The price for getting ahead at all costs is much higher and uglier than that - divorce, illness, layoff, suicide, and more. ?

I recently read a sad, yet unsurprising story about a couple living the seemingly picture-perfect life on Instagram. Yet it was all a sham or perhaps more of a facade, an unreal creation without substance. The husband’s real estate business was tanking, but he never told his wife as they continued to live high on the hog. A concerned friend (owed money by the husband) told the wife about the financial difficulties, so they sold their NY apartment, then scaled back to a furnished rental that cost $47K/month (that’s not a typo).

Rather than face the difficulties, while his family was away on an expensive vacation he couldn’t afford, the husband committed suicide. The added irony was the husband’s father had also died leaving his family with countless debts to pay off. That’s when reality comes up and slaps you in the face.

LIVING IN TRUTH

We all face struggles that we have to navigate as best we can. Unhelpful routes we can take, include denial, avoidance, subterfuge, or manipulation, but these don’t usually work for long. Then there’s the path of facing the music and dealing with the situation, even if that means doing difficult things.

No one wants to fail or admit defeat, yet it’s unrealistic to expect everything to be fantastic and easy all the time. That’s not life. Change is a constant and we have to be prepared to surf - to ride the waves as we experience ups and downs.

As a transformational coach who has guided over a thousand growth-minded, conscious leaders to create fulfilling lives through meaningful work aligned with their values and make the impact they desire, I've identified 3 essential elements to manage and feel more in control of your life and choices. ?Supporting clients through this process helps uncover their truth, so they can rely upon their inner wisdom.

• INNER WORK: Looking at your personal experience and knowing yourself. Who are you and what are you good at? What is important to you? What motivates you and makes you tick?

• OUTER WORK: Understanding the context where you operate best, including your physical and work environment. What actions can you take to move forward in your life work?

• INTERPERSONAL WORK: Connecting with others is an important way to actively engage in the world and grow. We are not individual islands, we must depend upon and interact with others. How do you choose to relate to others?

FINDING YOURSELF

Another way to think about this trifecta is to consider: you, your life and your work. ?How do these three things relate to each other = are they in happy balance and synchronicity or at odds? ?Do you feel firmly centered in yourself and solidly confident in your choices around how you spend your time, energy and attention?

Most clients reach out when something is out of whack and they feel unhappy or stressed out about their work. But as we dig deeper, typically there is much more happening around how they view themselves, their overall life situation, and their relationships, either with family, friends, partners or colleagues. Mostly, they’ve lost sight of things that were important to them and they feel slightly off and dissatisfied.

Of course, it’s not surprising to feel disconnected when all of one’s energy is dedicated to a soul-sucking job that offers no appreciation or satisfaction. Working for a company that constantly squeezes you to produce more or a boss who is always demanding more and never bothering to thank you for the work you do.

On the flip side, if you consistently berate yourself for not figuring things out, not doing enough or being an impostor, it can be hard to feel centered, calm or confident. The incessant push, push, push to do more gets exhausting, if not sickening.

Do you find yourself sacrificing your personal interests in the pursuit of more? ?Do you stop exercising, making plans with friends, or taking time off for vacation to prove your worth at work? ?These are just some examples of how individuals cut themselves off from balance and happiness. It doesn’t need to be that way.

What’s Possible?

While there are many subtle ways we can get out of connection with ourselves, that is not how we want to or are meant to live. Here are some of my client’s experiences in their own words to help you see that having more of what you want is possible. ?

Changing your mindset and doing your inner, outer, and interpersonal work can create more fulfillment. Learning tools, strategies, and practices to truly know yourself and make choices based on what you care about.

I love hearing these insights and lessons clients recently shared with me that I hope can inspire you.

“It's okay to not land "the job". It's okay to have a non-traditional path. When you are building a dream, it could take years to realize each incremental step. Be patient with yourself, your partner, your clients and the world we live in. It's worth building a dream that changes the way people live and work and impacts the planet. You no longer feel lost and useless. My commitment to my work has given me a great sense of purpose, community and reward - in all the ways.“ C, soulpreneur

“I want my work to reflect my values, but it doesn’t have to be the only avenue of true expression of my passion and my commitment to making a difference. There are other channels from my hobbies and volunteer work that fulfill me. It wasn’t about climbing the work ladder or achieving external success. It was about the little moments - finding joy in the work I do and knowing that I am contributing to something greater than myself.“ ?E, consultant

“I avoid making decisions based in fear. I make a pros and cons list, and accept that every career choice will come with ups, downs, and a level of uncertainty – some uncertainties I can anticipate, others will be completely unknown. Accepting the unknown risks helps me to not be afraid of them. The fear exists, and I can manage it!” ?S, emerging leader

YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR WORK

While work is an important part of your experience, it does not need to be the only thing that defines you. ?Ideally, your work will reflect your values, talents, and full expression. ?Your life should be full of experiences and relationships that light you up, knowing you are where you’re meant to be. ?When you feel empowered, you get to call the shots and make the right choices that feed your soul.

Is it time for you to be more of yourself more often?

Lenore Kantor empowers growth-minded conscious leaders, soulpreneurs, and founders to find their work in the world and live authentic and values-aligned lives for positive impact. She is the author of the soon-to-be-published unconventional career and life guidebook: So, What Do You Do? The Authentic Alchemy Path to Find Who You Are that guides leaders through an eight-step path of transformation and purpose. To learn more about Lenore's work, you can check out Growth Warrior's website or reach out to connect. Isn't it time to live your full creative self-expression.