Big Network, Small Circle: Finding Balance in Modern Connectivity

In a world where connection is just a click away, our networks have grown larger than ever before. Technology has enabled us to reach across continents, share ideas effortlessly in real time, and maintain visibility in the lives of countless people. But as our ability to connect expands, so does an important question: how much connection is too much?

This is where Dunbar's number offers a fascinating perspective. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar posited that humans can comfortably maintain about 150 stable relationships in their life (or tribe) at once, and that there is a limit of our brain’s capacity for meaningful social connection. It’s not a hard rule, like a night club operating one-in-one-out, but it serves as a reminder that while our networks may grow, our ability to sustain deep and genuine relationships remains finite.

The Gift and Challenge of a Big Network

The rise of digital connectivity has significantly expanded our awareness of others’ lives and opened doors to a more diverse and global network. Indeed, in business, it’s often the breadth of our network that creates opportunities for growth, collaboration, and success, and this ‘abundance mindset’ is something I push hard with startup founders and teams as they grow.

But here’s the flip side. With every new connection comes a growing sense of optionality—an endless stream of updates about others’ lives, achievements, and opinions. It’s easy to feel like you’re constantly running to keep up, like everyone else has it all figured out while you’re still catching your breath.?

The risk? We spread ourselves too thin and mistake network breadth and ‘activity’ for meaningful connection.

The Value of a Small Circle

In both personal and professional contexts, the power of a close, trusted circle cannot be overstated. These are the people with whom you can have honest, vulnerable, and deeply meaningful conversations—the relationships that aren’t just about transactions or opportunities, but about mutual support, growth and accountability.?

While a large network helps people know who you are, what you do and what you’re #Delighted about this week, a small circle is where trust is built. These are the relationships that catch you when you fall and celebrate you when you rise. They are the antidote to the overwhelm of modern connectivity. This is particularly important for leaders, who may not have the privilege of venting or musing vulnerably with their team on a daily basis.

Striking the Balance

So, how do we make sense of this, and navigate the balance between a big network and a small circle? Here are a few things to consider:

1. Understand the Purpose of Your Network: A wide network is essential for professional visibility and diversity of thought. ?Use it to learn, grow, and share your expertise. ? Don’t confuse it with the intimate connections that sustain your mental and emotional well-being.
2. Nurture Your Inner Circle: Make time for the people who truly know you—the ones who see your flaws but choose to stay, who offer a kind word on your worst days, and celebrate your wins as if they were their own.
3. Avoid the Pressure to Over-Engage: Being connected to hundreds—or even thousands—of people doesn’t mean you need to engage with all of them. It’s okay to step back, set boundaries, and reserve your energy and vulnerability for the connections that truly enrich your life. Normalise referring to people as ‘coworker’, ‘contact’ or ‘acquaintance’ - not everyone has to be your ‘friend’ (sorry Zuck!).
4. Quality Over Quantity: Remember that deeper, more meaningful connections often take time and effort to build. It’s better to have a handful of people you can truly count on than hundreds of superficial acquaintances.
5. Be Selective with Your Attention: With so much noise in our online lives, it’s important to choose where you direct your focus. Don’t let optionality distract you from your true goals.

By striking a balance between these two, we can leverage the best of both worlds: a diverse and dynamic network that expands our horizons and an intimate group of relationships that keeps us grounded. It’s not about choosing one over the other—it’s about understanding their roles and cultivating both with intention.

In the end, no one will remember the size of your network, but they’ll remember the depth of your connections and the real moments of kinship you shared.