The Big Bad Boss

Managing the boss is a challenge that comes up for about 10 percent of my coachees. But when it comes up, it is an intense area, and a very important one. A poor relationship with the boss can be demotivating, and a major obstacle in your career. If not handled can have serious emotional consequences also.

?Here are some boss descriptions that I have heard from people that I have coached over the last decade.

• ?Allows no freedom
• Gives unclear instructions -- and blames later
• Never praises – always criticises – kills my self esteem
• Gives unrealistic targets – just to be vindictive
• Does not respect my time – expects work at all hours
• Is biased and supports others -- but not me
• Takes credit for all good work – dumps blame
• Claims to empower but just dumps responsibility
• Works all the time and expects the same from me
• Keeps giving inconsistent instructions – is completely incompetent
• Just does not listen to anything
• Is very sarcastic, makes me feel like a fool

?

And don’t think that is the end of the list. I am sure there are more.

But this share is not about the boss. It is about you. And how you react to or manage your boss.

Whether you like it or not, you will always have the need to manage your boss. Yes. That’s right. You need to manage our boss. It is surprising how many people have never given serious thought to the why and how of managing their boss.

The successful boss managers have the following ten qualities. There could be others, but these work for most people.

1. They genuinely accept this responsibility just like any other. They do not feel that it is not their job. For them the boss relationship is just another one relationship – and both parties have to work on it. It is a two way street. If you accept this a lot of steps 2 -9 become easier.
2. They can accept that the boss is just another human being. With similar aspirations, challenges, stress points like anyone else. Because they see this they are able to see the totality of the person. They can sense the moods, the trigger points, the social style, the cultural preferences and are able to deal with them with empathy and confidence. For instance, they are able to ignore the small stuff and focus on the big picture. They can prioritise the real wars over the trivial battles. They pause and modify their own responses to the small stuff.
3. They do not see things in black and white. Situations, decisions, discussions have shades of grey for them. Hence, they can see the perspective of the boss also. And because they see the perspective their ability to manage it goes up. They accept that between the right and the wrong there is often a maybe.
4. They have a growth mindset. They are more concerned the feedback that they are getting from the boss and are able to defocus from the manner in which they get it. For them, feedback is the bitter good medicine. They take it and move on. And that needs emotional maturity at times.
5. They sense that no one is uniformly good or bad. All bosses have some good qualities too. Like cholesterol one has to increase the use of the good and manage the presence of the bad. More important – they don’t just say this. They practice it each day.
6. They can have open and frank conversations with the boss. And are proactive about it. If they have a problem, they take the initiative to talk and express themselves. Not wait for the boss to say something about it.
7. They also know that there will be occasions when there will be difficult conversations needed.? With the boss. About decisions, about a promotion, about schedules, about many other things. And they have the courage and the skill to have difficult conversations.
8. They know that one can be friendly with the boss – but not friends. That distinction helps in keeping the relationship pleasant – but professional.
9. They understand that the boss is not always right. But don’t go out of their way to prove the boss wrong. They avoid confronting head one and develop the ability to step aside and find another way to convey their concerns.
10. They are fine with asking for help in case they relationship becomes too difficult. Help from other colleagues, HR, seniors. They believe being able to ask for help is a sign of strength. Not weakness.

?Suggestion. Go back and read from the top again. Except replace ‘They’ with ‘I”. ?And give yourself a honest rank. You will discover some things about yourself.

?Remember there is no absolute scale to these qualities, Wherever, you are there is an option to be better. One can move on too. But remember that there will be a boss there too. To manage.

?

#boss #manage # relationship #difficult conversations #responsibility#respond