BG Blog: Change is inevitable, growth is optional by Natasha Coates

Growing up I spent most of my life trying to shrink myself. I wanted so badly to fit in that I would do anything to achieve that. I wanted to feel less, to be less sensitive. I didn’t speak out because I feared upsetting someone, even if staying quiet upset me. I sacrificed who I truly was in order to make other people feel happier and more comfortable. That is until the past year, where I’ve embraced my true self, and I couldn’t’ be happier for doing so.

I’m Natasha Coates, a ParaGymnast, Christian and proud member of the LGBTQ+ community.?

Training and competing as a disabled gymnast has fortunately opened lots of opportunities to speak up and make a positive influence in the world. For those unfamiliar with my story, I have a rare condition called Mast Cell Activation Syndrome which, alongside some additional health issues, makes gymnastics incredibly challenging. Due to the way my condition affects me, when I exercise I have no feeling from my knees down and my elbows down. This makes gymnastics hard as I have no tactile feeling of the equipment. Trying to jump and catch the high bar that you can’t feel means lots of practice and plenty of courage. I won’t even begin to explain the difficulty of doing beam when you can’t feel your feet!

‘Change is inevitable. Growth is optional’ has been a phrase that has guided me through much of my life. Like many individuals with autism I find change overwhelming, even good changes and changes I want to happen. So reframing change as an opportunity for personal growth has helped me overcome many big life moments.

One of those changes, was coming out as LGBTQ+. I knew I was? LGBTQ+ for four years before I decided to tell the world.

“I thought I was wrong, I though I was broken, I tried to pray away the gay at first, but embracing who I am and not shying away from my sexuality has brought me so much happiness.”

I met my now fiancée at an adults gymnastics session. I went along to share my passion with some of my friends and I saw Becca from across the gym. I loved her energy and confidence and knew straight away that I wanted to get to know her. We quickly slipped into talking everyday and meeting up outside of gymnastics and before I knew it, I was completely in love. At the same time, I was so scared to come out to my family, especially being raised a Christian, I didn’t know how they would take my news. But when I realised the unparalleled happiness I had waiting for me out of the closet, my nerves became less and the need to live authentically took precedence.

“Gymnastics has been a constant in my life during my toughest moments, and I will now be forever grateful that the sport I love so much, has not only accepted me for who I am, but brought me my person, Becca.”

My anxiety around whether people would accept me subsided and Becca helped me grow into my true identity. Realising I was LGBTQ+ was a change in me, and though at first I tried to ignore and supress its presence in my life, deciding to embrace this part of me was one of the best things I have ever done for myself.

?“I love her, and she loves me – it’s as simple as that.”

I lost a couple of followers from coming out as LGBTQ+, but the community I gained has brought me so much more.

Being an advocate for change

I first realised I had a voice and could make a difference a few years ago when I petitioned for the Disability Masters to be reinstated to the British Championships in Liverpool. It was the first time I had really put myself out there, but it was a cause I was too passionate to stay quiet about. We gathered a team together and the petition was successful!

The success fuelled my passion to make a difference. I realised by advocating for both myself and others, that I could make a change in the world. I hope this is the first of many changes I will have a part in. ?

I don’t think I ever will be the most confident person, but I am no longer trying to shrink myself. I am who I am and I refuse to be ashamed about that, and neither should you.

Natasha Coates is one of the original athletes to feature in the Sport and Recreation Alliance’s SportingQueer Exhibition. Read more about this incredible project here.

For information on running an inclusion gymnastics environment, read our article with Invoke Gymnastics here.