The Leadership Edge: Mastering Conversational Intelligence

Dear Leaders,

I find that 75% of challenges in both professional and personal settings stem from communication issues, whether it’s miscommunication, lack of communication, or poor communication.

Why?

Communication is multifaceted, encompassing verbal and non-verbal cues, facial expressions, tone, body language, brevity, thoughtfulness, cultural awareness, and more. Adding our fears, insecurities, ego, and people-pleasing tendencies to this mix further complicates getting it right.

Mastering communication is tough and a lifelong pursuit, but that’s also what makes it fascinating, challenging, and incredibly rewarding when done well. The more you improve it, the higher quality relationships you build, making the pursuit all the more worthwhile.

Today, I’ll touch on a key subset of communication skills: Linguistic Intelligence vs. Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ). After defining each, I’ll focus more on Conversational Intelligence as, ultimately, without it, it’s almost impossible to build or sustain quality relationships.

• Linguistic Intelligence is the art of using language effectively – both written and spoken. Those with high linguistic capabilities excel at reading, writing, storytelling, and memorizing words and dates. They thrive on taking notes, listening to lectures, and engaging in discussions and debates. People with high linguistic intelligence are good poets, writers, lawyers, and speakers. This type of intelligence involves sensitivity to the sounds, rhythms, and meanings of words, as well as the function of language as a whole.
• Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ), on the other hand, is using communication to connect, engage, navigate, and influence within conversations. It’s not just what is said, but how it is said, and the emotional undertones of it. C-IQ involves understanding and utilizing various conversational cues and dynamics to build trust, develop relationships, and achieve mutual understanding. This includes empathy, listening skills, timing, and the ability to read non-verbal cues.

So, while linguistic intelligence is the crucial foundation for effective verbal communication, conversational intelligence is broader, encompassing strategic and emotional aspects of interaction. Though linguistic intelligence can greatly enhance conversational intelligence, it’s not strictly necessary to have high linguistic intelligence to possess or develop high conversational intelligence.

In your role as a senior leader, mastering C-IQ is essential because it directly impacts stakeholder relationships, shapes organizational culture, and dramatically improves your ability to drive change.

Wendy Levinson’s famous study on doctors showed that the primary reason patients with negative outcomes sue their doctors for malpractice is not due to medical negligence, but how the doctors communicate with them. It also demonstrated that physicians who improved their conversational intelligence significantly reduced malpractice claims. By spending an average of just four more minutes with each patient (18.3 minutes vs 15 minutes), physicians not only addressed medical issues more effectively but also built stronger relationships, leading to increased patient trust and fewer malpractice suits.

We get similar results in corporate settings. Numerous studies reveal that teams led by individuals with high conversational intelligence exhibit better performance, higher engagement, and more innovative thinking.

Here are some specific steps to improve your conversational intelligence. I know, trite, but they work, and the difficult part is doing them consistently:

• Listen attentively by giving your full attention to the speaker, nodding, maintaining eye contact, and providing feedback through summarizing or paraphrasing what they said. Listen to understand, not just to respond. Put your cell phone out of sight with notifications turned off. If you can see the phone, part of your attention will be on it regardless of how hard you try to be present in the moment.
• Use open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”. They lead to more detailed and meaningful responses and help uncover deeper insights that result in more engaging conversations.
• Build trust by being consistent, reliable, and sincere in your interactions. Follow through on commitments and be transparent in your communication. Trust is the foundation of all effective communication and collaboration. If the other party can’t take you at face value, none of the other communication tools and techniques will work effectively.

Avoid tricks at all costs. In today’s hyper-connected world, smart phones and social media has significantly increased the frequency of interactions each person has. This heightened exposure has made us adept at seeing through others’ motives. Your best strategy is to be sincere.

“The trick of earning trust is to avoid all tricks.” -David Maister

• Regulate your emotions and understand their impact on your communication. If you’re known for getting defensive or losing your temper easily, people will hesitate to be straightforward with you.

Regarding anger, when you get angry in person, you leave behind only the memory of your behavior. Do it over an email, and now you have a permanent record of it to regret. No matter how justified it feels to express your anger or make an exception just this once, don’t do it. It’s not an exception, and you will regret it. Walk away and cool off instead.

• Pay close attention to non-verbal communication by observing body language, facial expressions, gestures, posture, eye contact, and even silence. Ensure that your non-verbal cues align with your verbal messages; don’t deliver bad news with a smile.

Non-verbal cues often speak louder than words because they’re subtle and nuanced. Too much eye contact can be perceived as staring, while too little can seem evasive or uninterested. The right amount conveys confidence, interest, and sincerity. Someone might say they feel comfortable, yet they’re fidgeting, sweating, and have shortness of breath. Yes, that’s an extreme example but it drives the point home.

In Conclusion

Conversational Intelligence is not just a nice-to-have skill but a crucial aspect of highly effective leadership. By honing your C-IQ, you build stronger relationships, inspire your team, and set yourself up to drive meaningful change all around.

Start by applying these specific steps consistently, and you’ll notice a significant improvement in the quality of your interactions and your leadership impact.

Remember, communication is at the heart of leadership – invest in it, and you’ll reap the rewards both professionally and personally.

May your conversations be rich with understanding and your interactions inspire lasting connections!

Onward,

Hamza