Beyond Words: Create Deep Transformation Using Embodied Experiences Transcending Words
Jeanine Bailey ICF MCC Exec Coach, EMCC ESIA Coach Supervisor
Supporting coaches, leaders and leaders who coach to live inspired lives aligned with their heart, mind, passion & purpose
What is the difference between a good coach and a masterful one?
Masterful coaches support clients to create deep transformational change by allowing them to embody their experience and listen at a much deeper level for the wisdom within. A level which goes beyond words and chatter that's in their head and listening to the whole self: the body, energy, emotions, metaphors and intuition that arises.
A Key ‘Sticking Point’ for Many Coaches…
In our coach mentoring programmes, we’ll often hear coaches speak of the frustration their clients are ‘stuck in their head’. Or we recognise coaches are also listening with their head and to just the words and stories of their client. And when coaches and clients are both in their head, the client will be talking fast about surface level information, not connecting with the deep roots of what they want or what is holding them back.
As a masterful coach, we can support our clients to uncover the deeper goal and what really matters to them as well as how to create the transformation they're looking for. Our job as a is to support our clients to find the doorway to their soul and create an environment that allows them to move through it - to discover the life-changing learning and way forward.
How to Find the Doorway by Embodying the Experiences…
This doorway usually becomes apparent when the client slows down their speech, perhaps (and most likely) changes in physiology and starts to talk about things that really matter to them - which brings about more awareness, reflection and physiological and emotional responses.
As coaches, we listen for ways to support the client to 'move inside themselves' and get curious about what's happening in their bodies. We have them get curious and use all of their senses to discover and remember what it’s like to be truly inside themselves - to discover their powerful truth.
For example, let’s say a client has a goal of becoming successful in their business. The opportunity for that to become a reality may be good if they’ve already thought about the details intellectually many times before they come to the coaching session.
Now we want to take them deeper. So the embodied way of looking at the goal would be to have them step inside their mind, body and soul to find the places the success lives within them. Look at it. Examine it. Discover it. Hear what it sounds like. Feel what it feels like. Experience what it’s like to move in the world in this state of success.
By having them use their physiology and movement to envision it happening right now in the moment and then having them play it out into the future as if it's already happening right now significantly elevates the opportunity for the client's aspirations to become a reality. Bsing all of the client's senses to fully embody the experience creates awareness within them, which allows them to do more of the things (the patterns and behaviors) serving them and also let go of the ones that aren’t.
This gives you, as the coach, and your client deep insights into patterns and behaviors to achieve the desired goal, as well as clear consciousness about what they want to commit to going forward.
Tips On How To Find the Doorway Faster…
The most effective technique we’ve experienced to discover the ‘doorway to the soul’ and support the client to enter, is deep listening.
One of the biggest challenges we see in new coaches (and often in seasoned coaches too), is they are not yet comfortable with really deep listening.
Coaches really want clients to achieve amazing results, but some are not yet confident in their abilities to trust and flow with the client. So while they’re speaking, they will find themselves thinking of what to say next. Running through all the techniques and processes to find the best one. Not 100 per cent present with their client.
So, How Do You Improve Your Deep Listening…
Surrender. Let go and trust in the process and especially your client. When you do, and when you remain present with your client - letting go of seeking the way forward - you’ll find the words just come. And not only that, powerful questions and words will come. Sometimes they’ll be words that you would never speak if you were consciously thinking about it.
Marie shares the amount of times she has said something like, “This might seem weird, but does ‘Fill in the Blank’ mean something to you.” And the client will get a look upon their face like it was the secret password to their soul.
Being 100 percent present means noticing energy shifts or incongruencies in physiology, words, emotions...
When you are 100 per cent present and your client is talking about what they want, a masterful coach is not only listening deeply to what the client is saying, but also noticing every aspect of their communication. From their words to tonality to physiology. From the way they are moving their body, breathing or even blinking their eyes. In doing so, you’ll notice any inconsistency between what they say they want and what you're picking up on.
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For example, a client says they really want a particular goal. Yet you notice they frown each time they mention it. Or they shrink their physiology down in stature and close up as they speak about it.
In this case, you might say something like… “So, I hear you talking about the goal, but I’d like you to notice your body language right now. What's happening for you in this moment that feels out of alignment with this goal?”.
Questions like this can create deep transformational awareness for the client. And you’ll pick up on it just by paying attention to their body, their breath and their other non verbal communication.
So get curious and become a coach detective and find out what's happening for the part that is potentially holding back. Then ask further questions and use your coaching tools to integrate those parts and bring them into alignment.
Entering the Coaching Bubble…
Another powerful method is to imagine yourself and your client in a bubble together. An enclosed system between the coach and client. As coaches we are mirrors reflecting what we see. Often unconsciously. So pay attention to any shifts that happen within yourself during this process. Perhaps your breath changes as the client is talking about what they want. Maybe you feel a specific sensation in your body.
You can then offer it to the client. For example you might say, “I'm noticing that as you say that, my stomach is clenching. What's happening for you?”. Now, you might not always be aligned. However, the simple act of sharing it gives the client the opportunity to say “You know, it's not that. But what I am noticing is this…”.
So trust yourself. There are no rights or wrongs in these conversations. Instead it’s about utilising everything that happens in the bubble to create and build more awareness and reflect for yourself as a coach: what is working better and what can I do differently, perhaps better next time.
What To Do Now…
Firstly, make the commitment that you’re going to coach like a masterful coach does. Learn, practice and refine the art of deep listening. Explore these concepts with yourself. Think about your own goals and aspirations as a coach. Find the doorway into your own being. Explore and play and discover, then go and support your clients with a whole new level of presence. And watch what happens.
Oh, and be sure to let us know.
Embodied Coaching: Listening Beyond the Words
When our clients listen beyond the words they share - they are beginning to listen to their whole selves and at a much deep and richer level. This supports clients to create the expanded awareness necessary for opening up choices and new experiences.
Episode-151 can be found here:
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