Beyond the Title: My PhD Odyssey

When someone inquires, "How do you feel now that you've completed your PhD, Doctor?!," my response is, I can simply breathe lighter, I can now cook proper food, spend time with my daughter without a trace of guilt, and sleep peacefully without the weight of burden. As I sit down to reflect on my PhD journey, almost a month after my viva, the emotions and experiences still swirl in my mind like a kaleidoscope of unprocessed thoughts. This journey has been much more than an academic pursuit. I am writing the below lines not just to share my story, but as a crucial step in my own healing and understanding process.

Before embarking on my doctoral journey, I found solace in writing and maintaining short diaries. These were not just records of daily events but were reflections of my inner thoughts and emotions. This comforting practice was gradually surpassed by life and by the demands of my doctoral work. I hope to rekindle this old habit. Returning to writing in its simplest, most personal form is a way for me to reconnect with myself, to capture the nuances of everyday life that often get lost in the whirlwind of academic pursuits.

Also, throughout my research, reflection was a vital tool to me – it helped me to analyse, understand, and evolve. Now, I am hoping writing becomes a way for me to process these complex emotions, to make sense of the experiences that have shaped me. This reflection I am sharing is not just about closure; it's a way to acknowledge my journey, to cope with the myriad feelings it has stirred, and to find a path forward.

The challenges and sacrifices

Amidst this academic voyage, life unfolded in its full unpredictability. I celebrated milestones like marriage and the miracle of bringing new life into this world. Yet, these moments of joy were interspersed with challenges. My journey was marked by a series of significant health challenges and experiences that not only tested my physical strength but also left deep emotional scars. Navigating motherhood, I experienced the profound impact of postpartum depression, a struggle that many women unfortunately endure in silence. The onset of a global pandemic while moving to a new city added another layer of complexity.

Embarking on this path demanded sacrifices that, at times, weighed heavily on my heart. A particularly heart-wrenching episode was when my daughter was rushed to the A&E and hospitalised for a serious infection. In those moments, my role as a mother and a researcher collided in the most profound way. Sitting by her hospital bed alone, with my laptop open, trying to balance the demands of my PhD with the emotional turmoil of seeing my child in distress, was an experience that deeply affected me.

The relentless pace of research and academia continuously meant less time for family, a pause on nurturing friendships, and moments missed with those I hold dear. Living and working in a different country, separated from my husband, family, and friends, I often found myself navigating alone the intricate balance between my work, my PhD, and my personal life. Yet, life didn't pause. Along the way, I faced the heart-wrenching loss of beloved ones – my father-in-law, my grandmother, and close family friends – moments that reminded me of the fragility of life and the sacrifices I had to make.

Moments lost with my mini-me

One of my deepest regrets is the times I felt I let my daughter down. The countless moments when I turned away from her requests to play or spend time together because my thesis demanded my undivided attention. Each 'not now, Salma-Rita', was a tiny fracture in my heart, a pang of guilt, a constant reminder of how I struggled to maintain between my role as a mother and my academic ambitions. One scene that will remain indelibly etched in my memory is that of my daughter, curling up like a cat under my desk after I had to refuse playing with her to work on my thesis. This poignant image carved in my brain and heart will always serve as a reminder of the personal costs of my academic pursuit.

The Waiting Game

A particularly trying aspect of this journey was the waiting – waiting for approvals, for responses, for the next steps. The postponement of my viva voce, an event I had ardently prepared for, was a test of patience and mental fortitude. These delays, often beyond my control, brought feelings of uncertainty and disappointment not just to me but to my family too.

My old me

This journey has reshaped me in ways I am still discovering. The once energetic social butterfly in me sometimes feels like a distant memory, replaced by a more introspective self. Yet, amidst these changes, one thing remains crystal clear to me now – the imperative need from now on to prioritise mental and physical well-being, and the invaluable importance of family and a support network. I realise that while I may never return to who I was before my PhD, the person I have become is someone I am learning to embrace. This journey, with all its trials and triumphs, has been a transformative experience, one that I will carry with me in the years to come.

I am aware that the entirety of this experience, laden with its highs and lows, will take time for me to fully unpack, digest, and move on from. Each chapter of this journey has contributed to my growth, shaping me into a more resilient, empathetic, and determined individual. I step forward, acknowledging that the journey is far from over, but I defiantly gained the strength from such an experience. I have also learned that this journey was not just mine but a shared expedition with those dear to me:

My partner John Hanna His sacrifices, endurance and understanding have been the silent forces propelling me forward. He believed in me when I lost faith in myself. He is my rock, my cheerleader, my best friend and my partner in every sense of the word.

My daughter My precious one, the sparkle that kept me ignited through the darkest hours. The times I couldn't be there for her weigh heavily on my heart, but her smiles and hugs were my sanctuary. She is my greatest accomplishment and my endless source of joy. Despite her age, I will never forget how she was preparing me for the viva saying ‘’You are the Egyptian one, you know better about your country mum’’.

My parents, my brother Mina Ghaly and my family Their unwavering trust in my abilities and their endless reservoirs of love and support have been the bedrock of my strength. My mother-in-law, my grannies, and my uncle, their truthful prayers led me to where I am now.

My mentor

The very dear mentor, Professor David A. Kirby, BA., Ph.d , whose wisdom and guidance have been a guiding light in the murkiest of times, I owe a debt of gratitude. His belief in my potential often surpassed my own, and for that, I am eternally thankful.

My Supervisors Professor Katerina Nicolopoulou FRSA SFHEA Paul Lassalle Professor Eleanor Shaw OBE

Their relentless push for excellence drove me to boundaries I never thought I could reach. Thank you for challenging me, for inspiring me, and most importantly for never giving up on me!

A hope for future change

One of my earnest hopes is that academic institutions evolve to provide more meaningful support to women pursuing their academic careers. I wish that institutions encourage women not to put their lives on pause knowing that the necessary support systems are in place. The academic world needs to embrace more flexible structures and empathetic policies that recognise and accommodate the unique challenges faced by women nowadays, particularly those juggling motherhood and academia.

Thus, as I steadily step forward from this chapter, my experiences have instilled in me a profound commitment. To every undergrad or postgrad student I supervise/mentor henceforth, I will encourage them to prioritise their health and their loved ones. I learnt the lesson the hard way, whilst academic achievements are significant, they should never ever overshadow our well-being and our relationships.

-Disclaimer: I have used an AI language model to paraphrase some sentences above.