Beyond Timeout: Embracing The Power of Positive Discipline

Welcome to my latest newsletter! Today, we're diving into effective discipline strategies that promote positive behaviour in children of all ages.

Parenting is a real adventure isn’t it and you may find navigating the challenges of positive discipline difficult. You may have seen my lighthearted Parenting Quiz I was asked to write that was published in the US Sun newspaper recently around being a Sofa, Crunchy or an Attachment Parent!

Click on the link below to take the Quiz.

What type of parent are you?

The media love a good label ?? – remember the labels tiger mum, helicopter, lawnmower, dolphin, lighthouse & snowplough parent labels?

Every parent has a different approach in how to interact and guide their children but the four main parenting styles — permissive, authoritative, uninvolved and authoritarian — used in child psychology today are based on the work of Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist, and Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin.

Each parenting style has different effects on children’s behaviour and can be identified by certain characteristics, as well as degrees of responsiveness (the extent to which parents are warm and sensitive to their children’s needs) and demandingness (the extent of control parents put on their children in an attempt to influence their behaviour).

What is the best parenting style for you?

Research suggests that authoritative parents are more likely to raise independent, self-reliant and socially competent kids.

While children of authoritative parents are not immune to mental health issues, relationship difficulties, substance abuse, poor self-regulation or low self-esteem, these traits are more commonly seen in children of parents who strictly employ authoritarian, permissive or uninvolved parenting styles.

Of course, when it comes to parenting, there is no “one size fits all.” You don’t need to subscribe to just one type, as there may be times when you have to use a varied parenting approach — but in moderation.

It’s all about balance.

But it’s also all about connection and your warm, interactive, loving relationship with your children.

The most successful parents know when to change their style, depending on the situation.

An authoritative parent, for example, may want to become more permissive and relaxed around the usual rules when a child is ill, by continuing to provide warmth and letting go of some of the usual rules of control (e.g. ‘Of course you can have some ice cream for lunch and watch your favourite programmes in bed’).

And a permissive parent may become more strict if a child’s safety is at stake, like when crossing a busy road (e.g. “You’re going to hold my hand whether you like it or not to keep you safe on this busy high street”).

At the end of the day, use your best judgement and remember that the parenting style that works best for your family at that time is the one you should use.

Whatever your style I hope you find these suggestions helpful.

Let's explore some tips to set limits, encourage cooperation, promote healthy communication, and strengthen the bond with your child.

1. Setting Limits:

Be Consistent: Consistency is crucial when setting limits. Children thrive on routine and knowing what to expect.

Explain the "Why": Help your child understand the reasons behind the rules. This fosters a sense of understanding and cooperation.

Encourage Independence: Allow age-appropriate decision-making to empower your child while maintaining necessary boundaries.

2. Promoting Healthy Communication:

Active Listening: Demonstrate the importance of listening by actively engaging with your child's thoughts and feelings.

Open Dialogue: Create an environment where your child feels comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment.

Model Effective Communication: Showcase respectful communication, providing a positive example for your child to follow.

3. Encouraging Cooperation:

Involve Them in Decision-Making: Including your child in decisions empowers them and promotes a cooperative spirit.

Use Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge and praise positive behaviour to reinforce cooperation.

Set Realistic Expectations: Be mindful of age-appropriate expectations, ensuring tasks are manageable and achievable.

4. Fostering a Positive Parent-Child Relationship:

Quality Time: Dedicate quality time to connect with your child, engaging in activities you both enjoy.

Express Unconditional Love: Let your child know they are loved regardless of their behaviour. This builds a strong foundation of trust.

Apologise When Necessary: Model the importance of taking responsibility by apologising when you make a mistake.

Positive discipline with firm, fair and consistent discipline gives children stability, security and reliability which contributes to a nurturing environment where children can blossom, bloom and flourish.

Remember, each child is unique, even within a family kids are all different and finding what works best for your family requires some trial and error. Kids are either motivated ‘towards something’ – like a sticker or staying up 15 minutes late as a treat, or ‘away from’ – just try taking away your teenager’s mobile phone for 30 minutes!

Once you've worked out your child's preferred reaction - you've cracked it!

Parenting is a constantly evolving adventure and isn’t an exact science - maybe it’s more of an art ?? and as my dear old Dad once said to me ‘But I haven’t done this before Sue – I don’t know!’ - which caught me by surprise as a 15 year old!

These strategies & suggestions are meant to be adaptable to your child's age and personality – I hope you try them and find them helpful. Let me know.

You can explore my coaching programmes here if you’d like to work with me 1-2-1

Saying ‘NO’ with Confidence

Saying “No” to your kids is such a simple word but so many parents find it difficult to incorporate it into their discipline strategies – it’s about feeling confident in your own ability as a parent so then the ability to say “no” becomes a powerful behaviour shaping tool in your parenting toolkit!

Parents often find it hard to say “No” to their kids and there are many reasons for this.

One of the reasons is shortage of time. We all seem to be in such a hurry these days. It’s so much easier to give in and buy whatever it is your child wants, rather than to spend time explaining why you won’t buy it or spend time dealing with their sulks when they don’t get it.

But is that the message you want your child to grow up expecting?

Another reason is being afraid of causing a scene. I know it’s easier, to wander around the supermarket with a happy and quiet child who is tucking into their sweets or crisps, rather than dragging a screaming child round while you attempt to do your shopping! But personally I think you can make looking for Peppa Pig spaghetti quite exciting, and getting your child involved in helping you look for the bananas or helping you to weigh the grapes can be good practical experience and fun! It’s how you approach it.

My job is not to judge what you do but to help you get clear about what you want and how you want to bring up your children.

Perhaps the approach of giving in to everything is easier in the short term but is it easier in the long term? Is it creating a child who will have totally unrealistic expectations of the world?

You can be sure that their requests will get bigger and more expensive as they become aware of all the goodies out there. It’s sweets today, Nike trainers and Gucci purses next! ??

So just ask yourself….

How will my child cope as an adult in a world where they most definitely won’t always get their way?

It’s all a balance between “yes” and “no,” and it takes practise if you are new to saying “No” and taking a harder line.

There are lots of reasons why you perhaps find saying “no” difficult perhaps you’re too tired, too busy, feel guilty for some reason , or don’t get backed up by your partner, or experienced too strict parenting yourself by your own parents, or you have a need to be liked by your kids, or it’s all too much hassle or you may even be confused about what is acceptable but I think it helps to know what loving discipline is and what it’s not!

Setting boundaries for your child is all about:

? Guiding your child’s character not punishing them

? It’s about you being their parent, and needing to be a leader and their guide, more than about being their friend

? It’s about consistency and following through to earn respect long term

? And of course, It’s about the age and maturity of your individual child

What it’s not!

? Being inconsistent – saying one thing one day and not the next

? Dominating or controlling

? Yelling. Threatening. Criticising

? Violence

So, for this week work out what saying “No” to your kids will teach them and start to notice things that DO work and do more of that, and if you want to discover more ideas, inspiration, strategies and techniques take a look at my…

Click on the links to

Download

The Secret to Well Behaved Kids

or

Read the full article ‘Saying “NO” to your kids with confidence!’

Or Watch my 'Navigating The Choppy Waters Of The Teenage Years WEBINAR for Parents & Professionals.'

Successfully raising a teen in today’s world is no simple task!

Raising teenagers has always been challenging because it is a time of change; your child is changing mentally, physically and emotionally into a young emerging adult and with that comes challenges as it almost feels like 5 steps forward but 3 steps back some days.

It’s important to remember that your child is in transition.

One moment they are your happy, easy going child, the next they are your moody teen full of angst, insecurities and uncertainty.

So, your teenager needs you be the grounded, stable and reliable one as they explore their independence, their identity and their values.

My purpose as a Parent Coach on this webinar is to encourage you to find your own answers and take responsibility for your own family ways of doing things. There is no “right and wrong” way to handle your growing teenager’s need for independence but my intention on this short webinar, and in all the work I do, is to help you feel more in control, back in the driving seat of your family life, centred, balanced, at ease and happier in life.

For me the simple secret to parenting success is:

Know what you want

Take action

Notice what’s not working

Try something else!

So, with those ideas in mind, let’s get started!

Download and Watch Navigating The Choppy Waters Of The Teenage Years WEBINAR for Parents.

I hope you found this month's newsletter interesting, thought provoking and helpful.

If you did feel free to share it across your social media and networks and don't forget to check out my podcasts & videos too

Until next time - learn, laugh and enjoy the adventure!