Beyond the Self-Applying A Growth Mindset In Your Career, Relationships, and Leadership!

Beyond the Self-Applying A Growth Mindset In Your Career, Relationships, and Leadership!

The first article in this series of three newsletter articles introduced the idea that a growth mindset sees intelligence and abilities as changeable, while a fixed mindset views them as static. We discussed that our ability to learn and grow is not limited, remembering that we genuinely unlock our full potential when we adopt a growth mindset.

The second article of the series further highlighted the power of a growth mindset. It encouraged us to continuously strive to view challenges as learning opportunities and to expect setbacks as part of the normal process when we are on a growth path. It cautioned us to watch for fixed mindset traps and adopt growth-oriented strategies like embracing challenges, seeking feedback, and fostering a love of learning. Finally, it provided some mindfulness practices and daily habits and reminded us that a growth mindset was a lifelong journey of continuous improvement, not a destination!

In this third and final article of the growth mindset series, I want us to broaden our lens beyond our personal development and focus on the power a growth mindset can have in our relationships, work, and leadership. Together, we'll seize the opportunity to explore how we can "peacefully" coexist with those who either have a fixed mindset or are not as far along on the growth mindset journey as we are regarding our relationships, workplace productivity, and leadership roles.

Relationships-The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants?

Our outlook on life (mindset) impacts everything, especially relationship compatibility. Finding a partner and then working to build a successful relationship depends heavily on your mindset and your partner's. A lasting connection often characterizes two people's ability to accept change, work through challenges together, and build strong communication skills. People with a growth mindset, who embrace the idea that self-improvement is not only possible but desirable, are more likely to find compatible partners and have more successful relationships than those with a fixed mindset who believe they can't change or improve.

Yet, we know that our brain doesn't necessarily rule our hearts regarding relationships. Couples don't have compatible mindsets, yet sometimes that doesn't always surface immediately in our relationships. My husband and I will be married 40 years this coming November; bless him. Yet, at no time did we ever sit down and discuss whether our mindsets were compatible. We've grown more compatible and found our way through repeated trial and error.

I’ve seen relationships where both partners embrace a growth mindset and "live happily ever after." Yet, I’ve also seen relationships where both partners embrace a fixed mindset or where one partner of the couple has a growth mindset, and the other is firmly rooted in a fixed mindset. While a growth/growth coupling may be optimal, a growth/fixed relationship is workable, and a fixed/fixed relationship is coachable. I want to remind the reader that fixed, and growth mindsets are not either/or characteristics but more along a moving continuum.

Please note that much of the content I wrote in this section about relationships is liberally dotted with the phrases "partner and couple." However, it wasn't meant to exclude friendships. Our friendships are also relationships, and some of the same ideas apply.

Growth/Growth Mindsets-An Optimal Scenario

Couples who embrace a growth mindset are, by nature, better equipped to navigate the ups and downs of life together, supporting each other's goals and fostering a deep, meaningful connection. Growth mindset couples exhibit optimal communication skills, empathy, growth, and resilience:

Communication:?Individuals with a growth mindset communicate openly and honestly with their partners, creating a solid foundation of trust and intimacy. They practice active listening and genuinely strive to understand their partner's perspective without judgment or defensiveness. Rather than avoiding difficult conversations, they give and receive constructive feedback freely and know that the feedback they receive is not criticism.

Empathy:?Rather than dismissing or minimizing their partner's feelings, growth-minded couples work to understand and validate their partner's experiences and emotions. This effort builds empathy, strengthens emotional bonds, and identifies mutually beneficial solutions to conflict.

Mutual Growth:?Supporting each other's personal and professional goals, celebrating wins, and providing encouragement during times of challenge characterize a growth-minded couple. They adapt their behaviors to better meet their partner's needs and evolve together.

Resilience: Facing adversity together strengthens bonds and reinforces the commitment of a growth-minded couple. They approach obstacles, standing side by side as opportunities for learning and growth, supporting each other through difficult times.

A Growth and a Fixed Coupling-A Workable Scenario

A relationship between a growth and a fixed mindset can be challenging and sometimes frustrating, but it's not doomed! No matter how hard we try, we can't change someone's mindset, but we can strengthen the relationship and create space for our fixed mindset partner to consider the benefits of moving toward a growth mindset. Communication, empathy, growth, and resilience look different in a Growth/Fixed coupling:?

Communication: Individuals with a growth mindset engage in open and honest communication; however, those with a fixed mindset might see honest communication as a threat to their being "right." Constructive feedback may be seen as a tool for growth by the growth-minded partner, whereas the fixed-mindset partner might take it personally, feeling attacked or incapable of improvement. When communicating with a fixed-minded partner, a tactic for the growth-minded partner is to focus on "I" statements. The use of "I" statements to express our feelings and needs, instead of opting for "you" statements, reduces the perceived threat and allows for messaging that has a much better chance of being received. For example, "I feel hurt when you shut down during disagreements is much more likely to be accepted than stating, "You always tune me out and shut down during disagreements.

Empathy:?Growth-minded individuals work to understand and validate their partner's experiences and emotions. Partners with fixed mindsets often struggle with empathy. They have trouble understanding what it is like to be in their "partner's shoes" because they believe people, in general, are who they are and can't change. However, they may still show empathy in limited ways, finding it easier to relate when their partner's situation directly mirrors their past experiences. Both partners can practice active listening to grow empathy, working to understand the other's perspective. With patience and practice, someone with a fixed mindset can become more empathetic and in tune with their partner and what they are experiencing.

Mutual Growth:?Supporting their partner's professional goals, celebrating wins, and providing encouragement during times of challenge are second nature to a growth-minded partner. Someone with a fixed mindset might see mutual growth in a relationship as unnecessary, threatening, or competitive. As an illustration, the fixed mindset partner might see growth as a pie - if their partner gets a bigger slice, their share of the pie shrinks, leading to feeling "cheated." The growth mindset person can overcome their partner's natural competitive predisposition by creating scenarios where the couple is pitted against an external force or outcome that requires them to rely on one another to emerge victorious, creating a "better together" pattern and outlook.?

Resilience:?Growth-minded individuals practice resilience by approaching obstacles as opportunities for learning and positive change. Someone with a fixed mindset will likely view resilience through a smaller window, limited by their belief that abilities are pre-determined and unchangeable. A partner with a fixed mindset may see resilience as bouncing back quickly from setbacks only if they have a successful track record of making a "come back." A fixed mindset partner may not have the bandwidth to support their partner through difficult times due to their tendency to view setbacks as threats and confirmation of their or their partner's limitations rather than growth opportunities. A growth-minded partner can help by reminding the fixed-minded partner of times when they bounced back successfully together and reintroducing the "how" of that past scenario.

A Fixed and a Fixed Relationship-A Coachable Scenario

Fixed mindset partners are okay if their partner thinks exactly as they do, with zero deviation; consider those odds! Successful relationships for couples where both individuals have fixed mindsets are less common and require a higher degree of initial compatibility or external help to overcome inherent limitations. A relationship between two individuals with fixed mindsets faces several hurdles, including stagnation, disagreements that grow into battles with little room for compromise, and constant negativity, which is not only draining but has the potential to damage self-esteem and create a toxic environment. Coaching or counseling provides powerful tools for individuals who find themselves in a dual fixed mindset relationship by providing tools to enhance communication, empathy, growth, and resilience:

Communication:?Communication between two fixed mindsets can resemble a constant tug-of-war. Discussions turn into contests to be "right," with little room for considering the other's perspective. Finding common ground becomes difficult. Perceived power imbalance leads to defensiveness and effectively shuts down conversation. Yet, hope exists. Both partners can develop a more flexible way of thinking through coaching, self-reflection, and exposure to growth mindsets. A coach or counselor can help the couple develop healthier communication skills, such as practicing active listening techniques, to build bridges instead of erecting barriers.

Empathy:?Fixed mindset partners can fall prey to narcissistic tendencies, at times expecting their partner to change or believing that they are better than their partner. Tending to ignore their flaws and instead shift the perception that everything is their partner's fault can lead to relationship toxicity instead of an environment of care and empathy. A coach or counselor can help a fixed mindset couple find and establish common ground through shared experiences, such as learning and mastering a new skill together, establishing a foundational bond or connection capable of slowly building trust and empathy.

Mutual Growth:?Fixed-mindset couples who resist change and new experiences because they fear failure are highly likely to live in a boring relationship without opportunities to evolve. A coach or counselor can introduce strategies to help fixed-mindset couples grow and improve together. Encouraging the couple to step outside their comfort zones incrementally (either separately or as partners), compare notes, and celebrate small wins is a strategy to encourage mutual growth. Trying new things and purposefully seeking new experiences, separate or together, can be a bonding experience, adding spice to any relationship.

Resilience: Developing resilience can be challenging for anyone, especially those with a fixed mindset. Couples with fixed mindsets have a strong need for order and predictability. When something unexpected arises, they easily become stressed or overwhelmed and quickly spiral downward. Obsessing over problems, catastrophizing, feeling helpless and hopeless, and allowing stress to manifest itself into physical symptoms are not ingredients for a healthy or happy relationship. A coach or counselor can help fixed mindset couples examine recurring thought patterns and behaviors that hinder resilience. Teaching a fixed mindset couple how to question the validity of their beliefs and determine if they are based in fact or assumption is an excellent first step to establishing a path toward resilience. Flipping defeating thoughts or negative self-talk, replacing "I can't do this" with "I can learn to do this" is an exercise that, with practice, unconsciously sticks and begins to offer "proof" of resilience.

Mindsets at “Work” in the Workplace

We just covered how mindsets influence our romantic and platonic relationships. Since most of us spend more time on the job than outside work, many of the insights I've already offered apply. Unless you work in an environment where you never need to interact with another human, your job is about relationships with coworkers, customers/clients, and the world.

Leaning on what we've already learned about mindset in relationships, let's relate that knowledge to functioning in a workplace setting.

Growth/Growth Minded Colleagues-Almost Paradise

Having a coworker with a growth mindset can be incredibly rewarding. I've heard it described as "collaboration on steroids." You and your growth mindset colleague can become a powerhouse team, achieving great things and inspiring others. Reflect on your current workplace. Do you have one or more colleagues who fit this description? I do! Are you regularly teaming with that individual? The advantages of working with a like-minded individual include:?

• Bouncing ideas off each other freely, always exploring new approaches and perspectives.
• Approaching complex tasks with a "can-do" attitude, knowing you can tackle them together and learn from setbacks.
• Openly giving and receiving honest feedback, knowing that its purpose is to help each other improve and grow in your roles.
• Identify each other's strengths and weaknesses, work together to fill skill gaps, and create a well-rounded team dynamic.

Overall, having a growth mindset coworker creates a positive and stimulating work environment. We can push each other to learn, experiment, and achieve more than we might individually. Note that a little friendly competition can motivate, but ensure it stays focused on achieving shared goals, not personal rivalry. Even with dual growth mindsets, disagreements may arise. Focus on respectful communication, acknowledging each other's perspectives before finding common ground. Different strengths and experiences can be valuable assets to a team. Embrace these differences and leverage them for creative solutions.

A Tale of Two Mindsets-Working with a Fixed Mindset Colleague

We don't usually get to pick our colleagues unless we are the hiring manager. Dealing with a coworker with a fixed mindset can be tricky and frustrating, and I've witnessed it turn toxic when multiple growth-minded colleagues surround a fixed mindset. We can navigate the situation productively to overcome the innate differences between the two mindsets. Here are some tips:

• Frame discussions as a team effort, emphasizing how your ideas can benefit the project or the team as a whole.
• When your coworker resists change, focus on the positive aspects of new ideas. "This new approach could help us reach a wider audience," for example.
• Back up your ideas with data or examples to appeal to their sense of logic and avoid getting stuck in an "opinion vs. opinion" debate.
• Practice active listening to understand their concerns. Acknowledge their perspective before presenting your ideas.

Not every disagreement is worth a fight. Decide which situations are worth pushing for and where it's better to agree to disagree and walk away to the best of our ability. If discussions become unproductive, politely redirect the conversation back to the task. Try not to lose your cool and practice your best empathy for their fragility. Keep clear records of decisions and discussions for critical projects to avoid misunderstandings, and always use that as your starting point. Remember that you can't control their mindset, but we can control our approach.

Navigating Working with Yourself-When Two Fixed Mindsets Work Together?

If you have a fixed mindset, having a coworker with a similar fixed mindset can be challenging. Finding yourself in this scenario is also a time to pause and look in the mirror. Often, the things we project on others are the things we don't like about ourselves, whether we recognize them or not. Use these tips as a checklist for operating in this mindset.

• Keep conversations and disagreements centered on completing the task at hand. Avoid getting stuck on whose "right."
• Pick your battles. If a minor issue arises, consider whether it's worth pushing or agreeing to disagree, which is the best course.
• Respect their opinions, even if you disagree. Focus on finding common ground to move forward on the project.
• Identify your coworker's strengths and leverage them for the team's benefit. This action can foster a more collaborative environment.

You can only control your approach. By prioritizing tasks, minimizing conflict, and focusing on strengths, you can maintain a civil and (hopefully) productive working relationship.

Continuous Growth: A Hallmark of Effective Leadership

Leaders with a growth mindset must develop and strengthen their mindset continually. However, you already know that because, as a growth-minded leader, you enjoy the journey much more than the destination. However, fast-paced and stressful environments filled with unending demands on our time and bandwidth can lead us to have little time or energy for professional, let alone personal development. Your team, and even those outside your team, always watch you and will generally take their cues from you. That means that we must become or maintain being a role model for lifelong learning, fostering a culture of innovation, and positioning ourselves to navigate challenges and embrace opportunities for the benefit of ourselves and our team.?

One of the techniques that I employ is a mental checklist that one of my mentors shared with me. Of course, you can customize it to fit your needs, but I ask: What challenges have I faced recently?" "How did I respond?" "What did I learn?" "How can I use this knowledge to deal with future challenges?" "What will I do differently next time?" The secret is not to dwell, even if it wasn't your finest moment; take those nuggets of truth, incorporate them, and move forward. In the words of acclaimed author Brene Brown, "Grace means that all your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame."

Foster Innovation and Adaptability in a Dynamic World:

• Our landscape constantly evolves; therefore, we must continuously learn and explore new ideas. This behavior keeps us ahead of the curve, adapting effective strategies and fostering a culture of innovation within our teams.
• A stagnant growth mindset leads to complacency. A commitment to continuous development ensures we remain open to new approaches and emerging trends, keeping us and our teams well-equipped to navigate complex and ever-changing environments.

Lead by Example and Model Continuous Learning:

• When leaders actively demonstrate a willingness and openness to learn, grow, and change, their teams are inspired to do the same.
• Just because we have a leadership title or role, guard against believing or allowing your team to think that you "know it all." This belief stifles employee initiative and creates a culture where learning is not valued.

Maintain Relevance and Expertise:

• The hard truth is that your knowledge base is already outdated or irrelevant. Actively seek opportunities to update your skills and knowledge. Read everything you can get your hands on (especially those things that may not currently resonate with your worldview), take classes, and try new technologies. These actions allow us to remain relevant and make us good conversationalists!
• A stagnant growth mindset will leave you dependent on outdated knowledge. Hindering our ability to keep up, make sound decisions, and navigate our organization in the face of new challenges or industry shifts.

Embrace New Challenges and Opportunities:

• Approach each day with a sense of possibility, a willingness to learn, and an opportunity to change!
• A stagnant growth mindset will cause us to shy away from unfamiliar challenges and limit ourselves and our team from capitalizing on emerging opportunities.

Maintain Humility and an Openness to Feedback:

• Maintain a sense of humility, a willingness to learn from others, and an open mind to different perspectives.
• A stagnant growth mindset facilitates overconfidence and resistance to feedback. This poisonous duo hinders our ability to learn from our mistakes and improve our leadership skills.?

Until Next Month….

If you have made it to the end of this newsletter article, thank you and kudos. I hope I have succeeded in some small way to broaden your understanding of the extraordinary power a growth mindset can have in our relationships, at work, and when serving in a leadership role. Your time and effort in fostering a solid growth mindset will always serve you well. I've gleaned and shared some insights about myself during this three-article series, and I hope you have benefitted, too!??

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