Beyond Praise: Unearthing Constructive Feedback

“No matter how good you think you are as a leader, my goodness, the people around you will have all kinds of ideas for how you can get better. So for me, the most fundamental thing about leadership is to have the humility to continue to get feedback and to try to get better – because your job is to try to help everybody else get better.” -- Jim Yong Kim (Former president of Dartmouth College)?

How many times have you asked for feedback or thoughts on something you worked on and got a response like “looks great to me!” Is that feedback truly useful? There must be more to the story. How can we learn, grow, and do better? What didn’t land well? Was the delivery off? How are we not pushing the envelope for what is possible??

Why is most of the feedback I observe positive and too general? Perhaps people are being too nice. Maintaining the status quo of a healthy working relationship may not be worth risking over something so simple as feedback. People may think they will offend the other party by delivering something less than stellar. If we are asking our direct peers for assessments, they may want to avoid certain points to not risk future interactions. There is nothing wrong with being nice. However, we are doing ourselves, our peers, and the world in general a disservice if we abstain from providing raw and unfiltered feedback. Similarly, when a four-star review appears on something, it is taken as a negative and triggers prompts of why not five-stars??

Being nice is great, but I’ve experienced the pendulum has swung too far here and is actively harming our collective growth. Not everything in life is “thumbs up.” How can we start to swing this pendulum back the other way? What about asking indirect peers for feedback? Asking?people outside of your direct group changes the dynamic. These people are more likely to deliver direct and honest feedback as they aren’t working with you directly and therefore are not as concerned about offending. However, if you don’t work with this person, why should they care to take the time for a thoughtful and constructive response? This is the question that sits at the root of all work. You must somehow influence people to care. That is a post for another day and I encourage deep thinking on this.?

Regardless of who is solicited for feedback, it may be a question of comfort levels. The other party may have legitimate feedback they’d like to give, however, they won’t as you have already done something that is outside of their own comfort zone. Imagine you gave a presentation. You ask for feedback, but 90% of the audience could never imagine giving a presentation to that same group.?The reasons for not imagining stepping up are irrelevant, but the fact is that you did something they could not (or will not) do.?Thought tracks are going through their mind of, “What gives me authority to say you should improve this <thing>? This is already 10x better than I could have done!”?

Asking for feedback or comments has failed me. This has never been successful. Even when I put out an advertisement that I am open and ready for any feedback, I get nothing. What about asking directly? Ask people individually about any feedback, specifically constructive in nature.?Without having a crystal ball, this surely will get a more direct and useful response? Here I have opened the door about why I am seeking feedback and asking for something specific about an event. The key here is that we are missing specificity. Okay then, what about being extra explicit? For example, “Hey, I am looking to improve my speaking skills, do you have anything specific that you noticed that I did while speaking today that I could improve on?”?

Try putting yourself out there asking for specifics. If you get general feedback, ask for a couple behaviors that led them to saying that. Here are some examples to tease out useful dialogue (thoughts on the response are in parenthesis):?

Feedback giver: “Great talk. You should look into public speaking courses.” (Too general to be actionable, but at least I have something to work with)?

Receiver: “Thanks! Can you let me know what specifically you saw that makes you say that?” (Be grateful for constructive feedback, but dive deeper)?

Giver: “I noticed you said ‘um’ a lot and were constantly looking around the room. Some extra preparation and speaker notes may jog your memory faster.” (Specific, great, I can work with that!)?

Giver: “Overall your document looks good, but I still don’t know why it exists.” (Too general)?

Receiver: “Appreciate the note. Did my problem statement not make it clear enough? Or was it something else that left you wondering?” (Ask for those specifics)?

Giver: “The problem statement was clear and concise. But I didn’t see any alternatives. Especially the fact that we could do nothing here, and the business will still operate.” (Awesome, they want to ensure I did my homework and explored other options! I can work with that)?

Giver: “I loved the talk, great work and thanks for sharing” (Positive and not useful)?

Receiver: “Thanks for that! Is there anything that you think I could work on improving for next time?” (Time to go hunting for specifics)?

Giver: “The slides were messy.” (Okay now I am working with something)?

Receiver: “Oh yeah, I was wondering about my slides all day. If you had to fix 2-3 things about them, what would that be?” (Keep going! Try to get them to expose what they are getting at)?

Giver: “Too many words. I was lost reading the slides while you were talking and that felt odd to me. I even missed some of your points in the story about the dog.” (Perfect! I can work with this)?

Ideally those examples can help you put into action these tips to help you tease out your own (useful) feedback.?

I’m considering starting a group of “sparring partners.” I want a professional group who meets semi-regularly and has the goal of exposing each other's blind spots and helping each other grow. This group should be relentless (albeit kind) in their feedback. This group should cut through all the standard niceties and phrases like “that sounded great to me” are banned from usage. How do you find a sparring group? Do we advertise again? Why should people care? Why should they put in the extra effort? The goals must be clear and encourage participants to buy in and see the value.?

I want to caution - not all feedback is good feedback. If we are constantly course-correcting based on every piece of feedback we receive, we will be left steering all over the place. I would love this problem; of having so much construction and advice, that I need to start being selective and apply judgement. You will need to bring your own opinions and experience and apply them to these situations the best you can. Try thinking through some feedback you get and think if that is something you should act on, or not. Maybe you need to act on something in the middle here, but ensure your own judgement persists.?

Let us work together to start breaking the habit of delivering too general and less useful feedback. Let’s get specific, deliver it kindly, and ensure the receiving party (and you) are open to receiving. If you are interested in a sparring partner group, please let me know.?