Beyond the Playground: Understanding Bullying at Work and At Home

Featuring Bonnie Low Kramer, TEDx Speaker & Author and Adam Kramen, Father of Two

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?In a recent episode of The Parenting 411 Podcast, I explored the multifaceted issue of bullying with two exceptional guests: Bonnie Low Kramen, a TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and advocate against workplace bullying, and her son, Adam Kramen. Bonnie's career includes 25 years as the assistant to Oscar-winning actress Olympia Dukakis, and since 2010, she has been on a mission to combat workplace bullying and close the wage gap. Adam, a father of two, provided personal insights into the effects of bullying at home and its broader implications.

Bonnie's Journey to Advocacy

Bonnie's advocacy began in 2004 when she started speaking publicly and teaching executive assistants how to perform their roles more effectively. During her talks, Bonnie encouraged assistants to speak up about their experiences, only to discover that many were afraid of repercussions and bullying in the workplace. The stories she heard were harrowing, with assistants sharing experiences of profanity, physical intimidation, and severe emotional abuse.

Bonnie realized that bullying behavior had become normalized and that many victims didn't even recognize it as bullying until it was pointed out. This revelation led her to advocate fiercely against workplace bullying. "This has become normalized, and we can be fooled into thinking that it's normal," she explained. Her mission now includes discussing bullying in almost every presentation she gives, aiming to shed light on this pervasive issue.

The Personal Impact of Bullying

The conversation took a personal turn as Bonnie shared her realization that she was living in a bullying environment at home. Her husband consistently belittled his coworkers and eventually directed that same behavior towards Bonnie and Adam. Bonnie's efforts to justify his behavior or rationalize it as normal slowly gave way to the painful truth: her husband was a bully both at work and at home.

Adam provided a poignant perspective on growing up with a bully. He described the constant state of confusion and fear, noting that he became hyper-aware of his father's every move to avoid triggering his anger. "To live with a bully is figuring out where they are and then meeting them in that place," Adam said. He highlighted the long-lasting impact of this environment on his emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships.

Strategies for Coping and Healing

Bonnie and Adam emphasized the importance of seeking help and breaking the silence surrounding bullying. Bonnie shared her regret over not acting sooner and urged others to educate themselves about bullying. Counseling and open communication are crucial steps in addressing the issue, whether in the workplace or at home.

Adam underscored the value of therapy and having a third party to talk to, someone not emotionally invested in the outcome. For parents dealing with bullying, Adam advised prioritizing emotional regulation and creating an environment where children feel safe expressing their emotions. "It's about connecting with your feelings because the bully really dictates how things go," he explained.

Addressing Bullying in the Workplace

Bonnie called on company leaders to take a proactive stance against workplace bullying. She advocated for transparent policies, training for HR professionals, and a zero-tolerance approach to intimidation and abuse. "Healthy cultures of respect are more productive, have higher retention, and are more profitable," Bonnie noted, emphasizing that treating people with respect is not only the right thing to do but also makes good business sense.

Moving Forward

Bonnie continues her mission through her books, Be the Ultimate Assistant and Staff Matters, and by speaking openly about workplace bullying in various forums. Her goal is to offer information that can help others create safer, more respectful environments both at work and at home.

For more insights and resources, follow Bonnie on her website?bonnielowkramen.com?and LinkedIn.

Final Thoughts

Bullying is a dangerous and pervasive issue that affects both personal and professional lives. By sharing their experiences, Bonnie Low Kramen and Adam Kramen offer valuable lessons and strategies for dealing with bullying. As we continue the fight against bullying, it is crucial to speak up, seek help, and foster environments of respect and empathy.

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