Beyond Nice: Why Empathetic Leaders Are Anything But Pushovers

"You're too nice," I often get to hear. "Too calm and composed.. and soft spoken. How do you handle conflicts?" Apparently, my empathy and natural inclination towards understanding make people doubt my ability to lead, especially when it comes to confrontation and conflict resolution. But here's the thing: I've learned that true strength isn't about aggression or intimidation. It's about building trust, fostering collaboration, and inspiring others to achieve shared goals. And that doesn't require being bossy or pushy.

In the fast-paced, competitive world of work, there's often a misconception that being nice, polite, and calm means you're not capable or can't get the work done. Similarly, there's an assumption that leaders need to be bossy and pushy to be successful. But research and expert opinion suggest otherwise.

The Science of Niceness

Studies show that positive emotions like kindness and compassion actually enhance cognitive function and creativity. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who experienced positive emotions were better able to solve problems and think flexibly.

Emotional Intelligence and Leadership

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a key predictor of success in the workplace. Daniel Goleman, in his groundbreaking book Emotional Intelligence, highlights the importance of self-awareness, self-regulation, social skills, empathy, and motivation. These traits, often associated with "niceness," are crucial for effective leadership and teamwork.

Leading with Influence, Not Authority

Effective leadership isn't about barking orders and demanding compliance. It's about inspiring and motivating people to achieve common goals. Leaders who are respectful, empathetic, and approachable create a positive and productive work environment. They build trust, foster collaboration, and empower their teams to do their best work.

The Power of Calm

In The Chimp Paradox, Steve Peters explains how our "inner chimp" – the emotional, impulsive part of our brain – can hijack our behavior. By staying calm and composed, we can make rational decisions and avoid unnecessary conflict. This leads to greater productivity and better outcomes. This applies to leaders as well; a calm leader fosters a calm and focused team.

Building Trust and Collaboration

Being polite and respectful fosters a positive work environment where people feel valued and heard. This leads to stronger relationships, increased trust, and improved collaboration. Patrick Lencioni, in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, emphasizes the importance of trust as the foundation for high-performing teams.

Getting the Job Done

Ultimately, success in the workplace is about delivering results. While assertiveness and drive are important, they don't have to come at the expense of kindness and respect. In fact, a collaborative and supportive approach can often be more effective in achieving goals.

Conclusion

Being nice, polite, and calm doesn't mean you're a pushover. It means you're emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and capable of building strong relationships. These qualities are essential for success in today's workplace, especially for leaders. So, embrace your inner nice and watch your career flourish.