Beyond the Myth: The Underrated Power of “Feminine Leadership”

In a conversation with a few friends about the results of the US presidential election, one mentioned that he felt it would have been “unfortunate” for Kamala Harris to have been elected because “she wasn’t ready,” at least not “at this time!”

His comments got me thinking long and hard about just how many Americans felt the same way, and considered what it says about our ideas of leadership.

To be clear, this is not a political post. The US elections are behind us. The people have spoken and that’s that and the reasons for the results are beyond my expertise in politics. My interest, as always, is in the effect that leadership has on the culture and how that affects the behaviors and outcomes in organizations. As it happens, a nation is just a very large organization, and the recent election has given us one of the clearest case studies on the differing implications of diametrically opposed leadership styles in recent history. I say all this only to clarify that, if and when I touch on what seems like a political topic, my focus remains solely on the timeless and universal principles, values, and practices of transformative leadership that I have taught and attempted to practice for decades. These principles apply to everyone, everywhere, at all times, so it would be a disservice for me to ignore such a unique teachable moment.

In this post, I’d like to address one of the dimensions of what might have an important consideration for some, that being that Kamala Harris’s message of inclusion, collaboration, and joy—a bunch of “soft stuff”—was perceived as a sign of weakness, and thus a deficiency in leadership ability.

Presumably, due to the very deep roots of (literal) patriarchy—something which, incidentally, many other countries have been able to overcome relative to electing female heads of state—what I think is at play here is a lack of awareness and appreciation for some of the unique aspects of what we could call “feminine leadership.”

I wonder about this because I have seen the same dynamic throughout my entire career. I have seen organizations, especially men but also women, equate traditional masculine traits, both toxic and positive, with leadership ability. At the same time, traditionally feminine traits, which are usually all the things we think of as “soft stuff” such as inclusion, collaboration, communication, emotional intelligence, and so on are seen as a liability or waste of resources in leaders. Now, I am not suggesting that one of these approaches is strictly good or bad, only that it is wrong to assume that only one is valid.

By the way, when I speak of masculine and feminine leadership, I am not talking specifically about men and women. Feminine leadership doesn’t just mean that a woman is a leader, or vice versa for masculine leadership. I have seen plenty of men embrace feminine leadership approaches. Likewise, I have seen women who have employed more masculine leadership strategies, either because that’s what they believed leadership was or because they figured that this was their best chance to make it in a male-dominated workplace or industry.

What’s interesting is that the approach of what I’m calling feminine leadership has significant overlap with that of servant leadership and transformative leadership. You could argue that anyone practicing the latter two approaches is simply practicing a subset of the former; feminine leadership is all about pulling rather than pushing, exerting influence even when you aren’t the boss, bottom-up rather than top-down transformation, intrapreneurship, guidelines over rules, etc. One could probably even make the case that feminine leadership was the prototype or even the progenitor of the latter two leadership philosophies, although that’s far beyond the scope of this article.

What I can tell you from experience, however, is that I personally have been given feedback throughout my career that my approach was too soft or “touchy-feely.” This wasn’t because I was having people hold hands and sing Kumbaya, but simply because I leaned toward bringing teams together and creating collaborative environments, rather than whipping people into shape with brute force.

The fascinating thing is that, in just about every case where my “feminine” and “soft” approach was doubted and criticized, I ended up proving people dead wrong and they often ended up reversing course. In one particular situation, once my approach had predictably delivered extraordinary results, my boss said “I still don't know how you did that, but I want it everywhere else in the organization!” Incidentally, this “feminine” approach is how I ended up picking up additional responsibilities for leadership development across multiple sites when I was the Plant Director for only a single site at a previous organization.

In any case, going back to the conversation that started all this, the question I have had on repeat in my head is: if we are not ready “at this time,” then when will we be ready to give the feminine style of leadership a chance? Should we wait until there are fewer challenges facing women and men who embrace a more feminine approach? Should we only let them get their feet wet in low-risk environments? The answer I keep coming back to is: “Heck no!”

The long-standing fascination with the masculine leadership style, even toxic variants of it, the remnants of which are still present in many companies, is costing companies billions of dollars every year. Clinging to this leadership style is creating widespread disengagement, demoralization, lost productivity, lack of innovation, and the list goes on and on. While feminine leadership wouldn’t create a perfect workplace, it would go a long way toward solving most of the issues that plague organizations today. And yet, even when they theoretically understand the benefits of doing so—and the downsides of continuing the current approach—as a result of conflating masculinity with leadership, people still find it difficult to even give the feminine leadership approach a chance.

I have personally witnessed countless improvements that teams make when their leaders relinquish their heavy-handed macho style in favor of creating cohesive teams that collaborate and create a sense of belonging for everyone instead of a select few chosen people. As I always say, “When it comes to leadership, the hard stuff is easy, but the soft stuff is hard.”

And it is hard—to practice and to accept—because we are not trained and developed in it. At best, leaders are given a few tools and, if they’re lucky, dipped in some training to pick up some skills and they try to emulate the traditional leadership styles they have seen in other seemingly strong leaders. However, the organizations that consistently deliver transformative results and fulfillment are the ones that develop the right mindset in their leaders, care for the whole person of each of their members, and create extraordinary cultures that don’t rely on heavy-handed edicts and top-down mandates.

I’d like to end by sharing a podcast conversation from a few years ago on the topic of feminine leadership that continues to be extremely relevant today.

Further Resources

If you’d like to learn more about topics covered in this week’s newsletter article, check out the related resources I’ve included below.

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