Beyond the Manosphere: How Existentialism Can Guide Men to True Meaning in a Modern World Obsessed with Roles

I have two sons—my eldest, 23, and my youngest, 19. In recent years, we’ve had countless conversations about the journey into adulthood, about the expectations, pressures, and confusion that come with stepping into the ‘real’ world. For them, the experience has been both exhilarating and daunting, full of promise yet shadowed by uncertainty. We talk openly about what it means to be a man today, a question that has become increasingly complicated as they navigate a culture flooded with competing definitions of masculinity.

As they’ve grown, I’ve had to help them sift through a barrage of influences, from social media’s highlight reels to the sweeping generalisations of the manosphere. While it promises men a sense of purpose and direction, I’ve found that the manosphere’s message can be narrow, emphasising strength, control, and dominance as markers of success, while often sidelining vulnerability, depth, and self-awareness. And so, our conversations have turned toward questions that go beyond superficial ideals: What does it mean to live authentically? How do we find a purpose that feels true to us, rather than dictated by someone else’s standards?

The Rise of The Manosphere

In recent years, the manosphere—a loosely connected web of online communities promoting ideals of masculinity, often emphasising power, dominance, and status—has surged in popularity. For men searching for direction or identity, the manosphere argues that it offers a clear-cut formula for success, promising confidence, control, and validation. But for many, this approach often leaves something lacking. Rather than offering true fulfilment, it risks funneling men into narrow roles defined by social expectations, rather than by the complex and unique values each individual holds.

The irony is that much of what the manosphere touts as the path to becoming a ‘real man’—chasing status, asserting dominance, suppressing vulnerability—are the very things that have fueled the dissatisfaction and alienation men are trying to escape in the first place. By focusing on external markers of success, the manosphere pushes men toward roles that often lack depth and personal meaning. This approach inadvertently reinforces the societal pressures that have historically limited men’s ability to explore and embrace their own complexities, trapping them in cycles of comparison and competition, rather than offering them the freedom to define masculinity on their own terms.

As I will argue for later in this article, existentialism, in stark contrast, offers a radically different path: one focused on personal freedom, responsibility, and the pursuit of meaning. Instead of prescribing what a man ‘should’ be, existentialism asks him to define his own values, question societal expectations, and accept that true purpose is a deeply personal journey—often one that resists easy answers or simple formulas. In a world constantly trying to tell men how to be, existentialism stands as a path toward self-defined meaning, far beyond the superficial assurances of power or control.

The Manosphere’s Formulaic Masculinity: A Quest for Control Over Meaning

The manosphere has become a popular destination for men navigating a society that often seems hostile to traditional notions of masculinity. It offers guidance on ‘being a man,’ with promises of financial success, physical prowess, and romantic dominance. Many find comfort in these ideals, which provide a sense of purpose, direction, and identity. However, the manosphere’s prescriptive approach often reinforces rigid stereotypes, reducing masculinity to a checklist of achievements and roles that rely on external validation.

This approach to masculinity can create an illusion of control, yet it rarely satisfies deeper needs for meaning. Why? Because the manosphere’s ideals are rooted in societal definitions rather than in self-defined purpose. By suggesting that power, wealth, or status are the ultimate markers of masculinity, it restricts men to a narrow view of success, discouraging them from engaging with life’s complexities. Men are left trying to ‘win’ at life without asking themselves what it actually means to live well.

The Manosphere’s Appeal: A Response to a Deeper Crisis

There’s no shortage of concern about the rise of the manosphere and its impact on young men. Countless documentaries and social critique pieces dissect its influencers, exposing the misogyny, aggression, and reductionist ideals these voices promote. However, a crucial part of the discussion is almost always missing: why this message resonates so deeply with young men in the first place. It’s easy to condemn the loud voices driving this movement, but it’s far more important—and revealing—to ask why their message strikes a chord at all. If these influencers were merely spouting nonsense, they’d be ignored. But their growing influence suggests something far deeper is at work, something modern society has neglected to address.

The appeal of the manosphere isn’t simply a byproduct of young men craving role models; it’s a response to a pervasive sense of disconnection and disorientation that has become increasingly common. Many young men find themselves adrift in a society that celebrates hustle, competition, and external success as the ultimate markers of worth. This relentless focus on achievement often leaves them feeling inadequate, isolated, and disconnected from any deeper sense of purpose. In this environment, the manosphere’s clear-cut formula for ‘being a man’—focused on power, wealth, and control—becomes appealing. It offers a semblance of clarity and control in a world that can feel overwhelmingly chaotic and unforgiving.

The irony is that the very qualities the manosphere champions—dominance, competitiveness, and unrelenting self-interest—are byproducts of the societal pressures men face in the first place. Modern society’s values of ceaseless productivity and competition feed directly into this narrative, teaching men that to ‘succeed,’ they must dominate or be dominated, win or lose, rise or fall. When young men struggle to meet these standards or feel they’re constantly falling short, the manosphere gives them a place to direct their frustrations, creating a feedback loop that reinforces society’s flawed priorities rather than challenging them.

If we want to understand why young men are drawn to these messages, we have to look at the very structure of our society, which too often fails to provide genuine support or guidance. There’s little room in today’s world for men to explore softer values like vulnerability, empathy, or self-acceptance. These qualities don’t fit neatly into a culture that equates worth with productivity and dominance. As a result, young men searching for purpose are left with a limited script: chase status, display control, and suppress anything that might be seen as ‘weak.’

Unfortunately, changing these societal values isn’t a simple task. The machine of modernity needs constant fuel—workers who will compete, consume, and conform to its values of efficiency and productivity. As long as these values go unchallenged, the narratives offered by the manosphere will continue to thrive, providing a temporary balm for men struggling to find meaning in a system that equates their value with external achievements. If we want to truly support young men, we need to shift the narrative entirely. Rather than pushing men to mould themselves to fit a society that values them only as means to an end, we need to encourage them to seek meaning on their own terms—however complex, challenging, or unconventional that journey may be.

Existentialism as a Counterpoint: From External Roles to Inner Freedom

Existentialism offers a liberating alternative, one that shifts the focus from what a man should be to who he wants to become. At its core, existentialism is about freedom—the freedom to define one’s own purpose, values, and path. Where the manosphere provides a map, existentialism hands over the compass, encouraging men to explore their own internal terrain rather than following someone else’s blueprint.

Existentialist philosophers like Jean-Paul Sartre and S?ren Kierkegaard argued that each person must confront the ‘anguish’ of absolute freedom. Unlike the rigid definitions of the manosphere, existentialism doesn’t provide an easy path or a simple formula. It requires men to ask questions like: What truly matters to me? What kind of life am I willing to live? This journey requires courage, as it often means stepping away from external validation and confronting oneself in a raw, honest way. But it is only by navigating this freedom that men can find a purpose that feels authentic, resilient, and deeply satisfying.

The Limits of Modern Masculinity: When Control Becomes a Cage

One of the greatest risks of the manosphere is that its focus on external validation becomes a kind of cage. Rather than embracing one’s individuality, the manosphere often encourages men to conform to a singular idea of strength, control, and stoic detachment (it’s little wonder, then, that a diluted version of Stoic philosophy has become so popular). While these traits can be valuable in certain contexts, they can also stifle the broader range of experiences and emotions that contribute to a fulfilling life.

Consider the common manosphere ideal of the ‘alpha male,’ a figure who dominates his environment, achieves wealth, and controls his relationships. This archetype, while appealing, can lead men to suppress vulnerability, empathy, and self-reflection—traits that are essential to personal growth. By equating masculinity with dominance, the manosphere can make men feel inadequate if they experience doubt, fear, or insecurity. These traits are human, not weaknesses. Existentialism, in contrast, doesn’t prescribe any one way of being; it allows men to own their experiences fully, embracing both strengths and vulnerabilities as part of a complex, authentic self.

Embracing the Freedom to Define One’s Own Meaning

Existentialism’s core tenet is that life has no inherent meaning. This may sound bleak, but it is actually a liberating notion. Rather than relying on external sources of validation, existentialism encourages men to create their own values and purpose. This process is deeply personal, requiring men to confront difficult questions about what they want to prioritise in life.

For men accustomed to the hands-on advice of the manosphere, existentialism’s lack of clear answers can be daunting. It’s not easy to move from ‘do this to be successful’ to ‘what do I want to be?’ But this question is essential for true fulfilment. Existentialism suggests that meaning isn’t something to be achieved, but something to be cultivated. It’s a dynamic, evolving pursuit that is shaped by individual experiences, personal relationships, and a commitment to living authentically.

The Discomfort of Authenticity: Why Existentialism Isn’t Easy

Where the manosphere offers quick steps to ‘becoming a man,’ existentialism pushes men to dig deep, confronting their limitations, doubts, and contradictions. Authenticity, according to existentialist thought, requires men to acknowledge the full range of their experiences, even when those experiences are painful or conflicting. This level of self-honesty is uncomfortable, but it is the foundation of a meaningful life.

In an age of ‘life hacks’ and instant results, existentialism’s commitment to slow, sometimes uncomfortable growth may seem unappealing. It demands patience, resilience, and a willingness to embrace uncertainty. Unlike the rigid paths of the manosphere, existentialism acknowledges that life’s meaning is rarely straightforward. True transformation is a process, one that may take years, not days, to unfold.

Yet, it is in this discomfort that men can discover true strength. By facing life’s uncertainties without the need for easy answers, men can cultivate a resilience rooted in personal authenticity rather than social validation. This resilience isn’t about controlling the world; it’s about finding inner stability amid life’s unpredictability.

Practical Steps for Men Seeking Meaning Beyond Modern Masculinity

Existentialism may sound abstract, but for me, it's become a powerful way to shift my perspective and redefine what it means to live with purpose. This philosophy is less about rigid prescriptions and more about a continuous journey toward self-defined meaning—something that I, like many men, am still navigating. Here’s how I’m actively trying to bring these principles into my everyday life:

• Reflecting on My Own Values, Not Society’s Expectations

I’ve realised that understanding my own values, rather than relying on society’s, is essential. For me, this means taking the time to ask, What really matters to me beyond the noise? Social media and societal ideals have a way of pushing us toward external validation, but I’m working to keep my values at the centre—whether it’s creativity, integrity, or connection. It’s a challenge, but I find that living in line with my own values feels far more authentic than chasing someone else’s vision of success.

• Learning to See Vulnerability as a Strength

Vulnerability hasn’t always come easily. Like many men, I was raised to think of it as weakness, but over time, I’ve started seeing it differently. I’ve begun opening up more—whether in conversations with close friends or simply by acknowledging my own fears and doubts in private. I’m discovering that being honest with myself is where real strength begins. This practice of self-awareness, though difficult, allows me to build resilience that’s rooted in acceptance rather than avoidance.

• Challenging My Need for External Validation

There’s a part of me that’s still drawn to external validation—it’s hard not to be in a world that constantly tells us to measure our worth by others’ opinions. But I’m gradually shifting away from that need. I try to remind myself that true worth isn’t about meeting society’s standards; it’s about what feels meaningful to me personally. This ongoing effort to let go of external validation feels liberating and helps me cultivate a sense of inner confidence that’s less dependent on others.

• Defining Success in My Own Terms

For a long time, I thought success had to look a certain way: wealth, power, status. But I’ve started redefining success for myself, focusing on values like personal growth, emotional maturity, and the positive impact I can have on those around me. This shift has been transformative, helping me see success as something deeply personal rather than something measured by conventional benchmarks. It’s a reminder that fulfillment doesn’t have to come from society’s ideas of achievement; it can come from a life that feels true to who I am.

• Finding Purpose in Small, Everyday Actions

One of the greatest insights I’ve taken from existentialism is that meaning doesn’t have to come from big, life-changing moments. I’m working to find purpose in the small, daily choices—spending quality time with loved ones, practising mindfulness, and pursuing my passions. Each of these small acts, done intentionally, reinforces a sense of purpose that feels real and rooted. It reminds me that purpose can be cultivated from the inside out, no grand gestures required.

Moving Beyond the Manosphere: Embracing the Complexities of Authentic Living

Existentialism offers men a path toward meaning that isn’t confined by the rigid roles of modern masculinity. It asks men to engage with life deeply, embracing complexity, vulnerability, and freedom. By moving beyond prescriptive ideals and focusing on self-defined purpose, men can cultivate a resilience and authenticity that feels true, not imposed.

In a world that constantly tells men what they should be, existentialism invites them to explore who they could be. It encourages a courageous journey of self-discovery, where strength is measured not by control over others but by one’s ability to live meaningfully, even in the face of life’s uncertainties. Rather than conforming to a narrow definition of masculinity, men can embrace a fuller, more nuanced humanity, finding purpose that feels not just satisfying but deeply and enduringly real.