Beyond Empathy: The Hidden Benefits of Compassionate Leadership
Written with Tyler Moeller
In my work as an executive and team coach, the topic of triggers often comes up. We find it hard to control our reactions, especially during stressful times.?
During my own corporate career, I once had a crisis at work. I was completely caught off guard. I had to take three months off to be with my family and I wasn’t sure what would happen when I returned. My job was high-pressure and fast-paced – how could I balance that with the needs of my family? I thought my only option was to quit.
Fortunately, my manager Karen Djoury was right there with me. She didn’t just sympathize with my situation, she sprang into action. She took care of all the logistics so I could leave work and be with my family as soon as possible. When I returned three months later, she sat down with me to brainstorm solutions that would help me find the right balance.?
When I asked her recently why she went out of her way to help me, she simply said, “It was worth any compromise to not lose you.”?
Thanks to Karen’s compassionate leadership, I was able to navigate the challenges of my personal life and continue to excel in my professional career.?
The skill to connect to the pain of people and foster their inner strength is something all leaders must invest time in growing.
This is the skill of compassion.
Why does compassion matter?
Compassion is an empathetic emotional response to another person’s pain or suffering that moves people to act in a way that will either ease the person’s condition or make it more bearable.?
There is substantial scientific evidence suggesting that compassion is an antidote to fear, social isolation, and disconnection. Compassion is necessary for us to feel connected and to belong. It’s necessary for us to continue persevering as we attempt to reach our goals.?
In the 1950s, Curt Richter conducted a gruesome experiment where he placed rats into glass jars filled with water to see how long they would survive. He initially noticed that many of the rats only swam a couple of minutes before sinking to the bottom of the jar. Without any hope to escape, they had all but given up. He rescued the rats right before their last breath, saving them in the nick of time and held them a while before putting them back in the water again. When they were placed back, they swam for much longer - for several days. The only thing that had changed was their hope. They had been saved before, so they had hope they would be saved again.?
Although rats and humans are different animals, we are both impacted by the power of hope in similar ways. When we are hopeful about the outcome of a situation, our willingness to persevere through challenges endures much longer than when we are faced with resignation or despair.??
A lot of what shapes an organizational culture depends on the behavior and mindset that leaders model. This makes compassionate leadership critically important to high-performing organizations. When we are compassionate towards others, we introduce hope. As a result, people find inner resilience and strength, especially in times of stress.?
My Mindfulness teacher Jack Kornfield describes it as:
“Compassion is not foolish. It doesn’t just go along with what others want so they don’t feel bad. There is a yes in compassion, and there is also a no, said with the same courage of heart. No to abuse, no to racism, no to violence, both personal and worldwide. The no is said not out of hate but out of an unwavering care. It is the powerful no of leaving a destructive family, the agonizing no of allowing an addict to experience the consequences of his acts. In our personal relations, in community, and in every sphere of public life, we can draw on the power of compassion. This is the source of human happiness. Wherever it is practiced, compassion brings us back to life.”
Through compassion, you will choose the kindest choice. The kindest choice is not always the nicest choice - it is about having tough conversations when needed with an intention that is pure and speech that is free of anger. It is using wisdom to provide the honest feedback that the person needs to help them snap out of their suffering.
This is compassion.
What is the difference between Empathy and Compassion?
Compassion and empathy are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same words.?
Empathy is feeling what another living thing feels. Compassion is putting yourself in the shoes of another person to see the world through their lens for the sake of alleviating their suffering. In short, Empathy + Action = Compassion.
One example of this distinction comes from a story about my cousin who experienced something truly remarkable during his wife’s pregnancy. As the due date approached, he began exhibiting classic signs of pregnancy. On the day of the delivery, my cousin’s wife went into labor, and he apparently did the same. Right by her side, he felt every contraction and every excruciating pain. He was in no position to drive his wife to the hospital. With no other options left, his wife had to call for help from outside the family.?
Empathy is important, but it doesn’t go far enough on its own. Despite my cousin’s empathy for his wife's suffering, he was unable to provide the compassion required in her moment of need.
Compassion benefits everyone
Prof. Dr. Tania Singer1 carried out research to measure the changes in brain activity when exercising empathy and compassion. She collaborated with Matthieu Ricard, a long-time meditator and a prominent world-stage speaker, sometimes called the "happiest man in the world." While under fMRI-rt (an MRI technique to measure real-time brain activity), she asked him to give rise to a powerful feeling by imagining people affected by great suffering.
She noticed that the neural activity in Ricard’s brain was different from the activity in the brains of others in this study.
For others, it activated pain centers of the brain, increasing the overall negative effect on the nervous system. People suffered when they imagined suffering.
In Ricard’s case, however, it did not activate these pain centers of the brain. Instead, the MRI showed activity related to positive emotions; feelings of affiliation, care, and love, increasing Ricard’s emotional well-being.
As it turned out, Ricard was practicing unconditional compassion for those suffering. He tried to feel a powerful feeling of love and kindness for people who were suffering and a strong desire to be useful.
Singer did many more experiments to show compassion as a new coping strategy to overcome empathic distress and strengthen resilience. She proved that only empathy gets fatigued, not compassion. Compassion on the other hand increases the strength of mind, and builds on our inner courage and determination to help those who need it.
While the two words are different, there is a bond between them. We can’t have compassion without empathy. In fact, the first step of compassion training is to feel empathetic.
While empathy connects, compassion leads.
If you are a leader, compassion is what is expected of you. It is important for the success of the people and organization you lead.
Ways to Cultivate Compassion??
As we have continued to study and learn more about compassion, we have come to understand that compassion is innate to the human species. It has an evolutionary purpose, rooted in human survival. However, in our quest for more, we can forget this very basic, innate human capacity. Practice is essential.
Before we can practice and cultivate compassion, there are two foundational principles to keep in mind:
?Here are some specific approaches to help cultivate compassion.
1. Practice small acts of compassion daily
Challenge yourself to perform at least one small, compassionate act every day. This will have a ripple effect. You may even notice others acting more compassionately toward you.
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Some examples to consider:
2. Be Compassionate to everyone
Compassion comes more easily for people who are like us or if we like each other. How can we be compassionate toward people we don’t understand or those who don’t like us?
Here are two concrete ways to bring compassion for everyone, the “Just Like Me” exercise and the loving-kindness meditation.
“Just Like Me” Exercise?
This is an exercise I came across during my mindfulness training that helps to highlight commonality with others. Reflect on or write down the phrases below to practice extending compassion to someone you may not understand or like.?
I invite you to practice this regularly to help reinforce how we are all similar in important ways:
Loving-Kindness Practice
This is a mindfulness meditation called the loving-kindness meditation that allows us to develop compassion for people we may find difficult or for those we don’t know well. It starts with lovingkindness for those for whom love and compassion comes easily and then moving towards those where compassion is difficult.?
It involves repeatedly reflecting on others in a caring way:
The meditation felt mechanical for me at first and it was difficult to practice. I kept at it and saw my heart open up to those I have had a challenge with being compassionate toward in the past.?
Please find the link for the recording of this practice at the end of the article.
3. Meditate on Compassion
Meditation is one of the best ways to build compassion. According to one study by the Greater Good Science Center, meditators are more likely to give up their seat to an elderly person compared with non-meditators by a ratio of 3:1.
We have made a short recording of a mediation to cultivate compassion for the world. You have the link to the podcast at the end. Here, you will find many more mindfulness and meditations to try.?
Please find the link for the recording of this practice at the end of the article.
4. Play Compassionate Games
In my research on compassion, I came across a site called Compassionate Games – Survival of the kindest .
This spreads compassion at scale. It is a way to engage communities together to bring more compassion to the world.
Check the website out for inspiration.
You can also get creative and come up with your own compassion games within your family, community, or organization.?
I hope you find activities from here or elsewhere to intentionally practice compassion.
According to Jon Kabat Zinn, “Compassion is never not already here”. The practices shared here help us unlock this within us.?
What spoke to?you about this article?
What small act of compassion can you do today to make a positive impact on someone else's life? How would you bring compassionate leadership to the workplace?
Mindfulness Practices Links:
Loving-Kindness Practice: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindful-leader-practices/id1675397867
Compassion Practice:
References:
1 Tania Singer Research: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23576808/
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