Beyond Ego: Achieving Self-Awareness in Leadership

I probably haven't spent as many years as a leader as many other people around me. But in all those years, I've learned something that I want to share with you.

When you're leading a group, some people won't like what you do. Not everyone will agree with the direction you choose or the changes you make. Some will oppose your ideas and sharply criticize your decisions. Others will obstruct and undermine your initiative.

If we deeply understand that every critique or opinion someone expresses comes from their personal history, background, and life experiences, we can clearly see that every judgment a person makes reveals something about themselves, not about you.

Our opinions and perspectives spring from our inner world—our riches and weaknesses, our beliefs, assumptions, and formative life events. By expressing our opinions or critics, we reveal aspects of our identity and what we have built our self-concept on. In a very real way, the judgments we make determine who we are.

A mature leader understands that the critics of others are rarely a reflection of themselves. They recognize that differing views should not overly affect their self-esteem. Because they are in control of their ego needs, they do not feel compelled to win arguments or always be right. Without the need for validation, status, or superiority, the criticism of others slips past them powerlessly. This resilience to judgment is critical to leading organizations, communities, and one's self.

When we criticize someone, we should keep in mind that both parties are on different developmental paths. Remember that John's judgment of Peter probably says more about John's state of mind than it does about Peter himself. This perspective allows us to make thoughtful, compassionate assessments while remaining critical and humble. We can lead gently and explore new avenues of understanding.

If we take this non-judgmental approach even further, we will discover a deep well of empathy for others. We will realize that we all have limited perspectives, and intellectual humility becomes second nature. Our desire to change or correct others gives way to a desire to inspire them by modeling positive behavior. Instead of holding differing opinions, we will focus on bridging divides between people. And we will build an enlightened company and society characterized by wisdom.