Beyond Demon Mode: The Case for Effective Empathy in Leadership

I really appreciated reading Andrew Swinand 's Harvard Business Review article, “Why Kindness at Work Pays Off.” He rightfully makes the business and biological case that in times of unprecedented anxiety, economic challenges, and global tensions, kindness in the workplace must emerge as a crucial element for sustaining morale and promoting well-being.?

Of course, like all things that are necessary and important, easier said than done. Research has shown that in times of stress, individuals are more likely to retreat to old habits or ideas because they feel safer. In the case of leadership, one of those old ideas is that effective leadership: boldness, assertiveness, and decisiveness, is incompatible with empathy - or what Grimes calls “Demon Mode” in Walter Issacson’s new biography of Elon Musk. Interestingly long before the idea of Demon Mode, which is clearly a reference to gaming, Apple’s Bud Tribble coined a similar leadership concept, the “Reality Distortion Field,” which was a TV show (Star Trek) reference to describe Steve Jobs’ uncanny ability to convince himself and others of almost anything through the sheer force of his will and persistence (not coincidentally Jobs is another Isaacson biography subject).

There are many reasons why this idea still persists. Most of our models of leadership have grown out of military and industrial metaphors that emphasize control over compassion and winning at all costs. But, these models over-index on the importance of immediate vs. long-term gains. A decisive “demon” might be able to show their board quick results, which have the added convenience of being easily measured and therefore prioritized, but at what long-term cost to culture, innovation, and brand? Kind or empathetic leadership creates a more resilient and adaptable organization through increased employee retention, better team cohesion, psychological safety, greater stakeholder trust, and a more comprehensive and honest assessment of its strengths and weaknesses.??????

Perhaps the biggest reason we continue to expect (and enable) dynamic leaders to be more “demon” than “angel” is the false belief that you can't be both decisive and empathetic, as if having more of one trait means having less of the other. This simplistic, zero-sum point of view neglects the possibility of a multifaceted leadership style and ignores the fact that the most empathetic leaders possess much more accurate data upon which to base their bold decisions.

The truth is that the boldest and most dynamic leaders don’t bend others to their will through reality distortion fields or demon mode. Rather they use those skills to bend their organization into an environment where everyone feels valued, heard, comfortable taking risks, and safe to occasionally fail. Decisions made in such an environment are not just the will of a single leader but are the result of collaborative, informed, and passionate input from various perspectives. This collaborative approach is more likely to lead to innovative solutions, increased buy-in from team members, and long-term success.

Despite our continued veneration of traditional authoritarian business leadership models, modern leadership styles need to evolve. Holding onto outdated models that paint leadership as a choice between being effective or being empathetic is not only limiting but also detrimental. Leaders need to embrace the complementary relationship between the two. Only then can they truly unlock the full potential of their organizations.

What do you think? Are effectiveness and empathy mutually exclusive? Share your thoughts in the comments below.