Beyond Defensiveness

There's a notorious pattern often humorously referred to as the 'shit sandwich.' This method attempts to soften the blow of criticism by layering it between two positive comments, much like a less-than-appetizing filling in a sandwich. While this approach is popular for its diplomatic delivery, it often dilutes the impact and clarity of the feedback. In this article, we'll explore why this method might do more harm than good and propose a more effective approach to giving and receiving feedback in the workplace.

Breakfast: Start the Day by Digesting the Feedback

Like a nourishing breakfast fuels the day, receiving feedback with an open mindset lays the foundation for growth. Begin by document key themes verbatim from the conversation, rephrasing the main points in your own words. Resist selective listening; even difficult messages contain value to digest.

Approach comments initially without judgment or defense. Simply listen and summarize key takeaways to demonstrate understanding from their perspective. Repeating back shows digestion in action. Ask clarifying questions non-confrontationally if you’re unsure specific change areas.

Should tone or delivery trouble you, compartmentalize style versus substance. Passionate or blunt language can unfortunately obscure otherwise critical content. Decouple harsh flairs around messages from the feedback itself. The same applies when context or past baggage influences reviewer mindsets. Empathize, don't judge accuracy prematurely.

Instead of debating or dismissing, embrace the growth mindset from the start. Even unfiltered, insensitive or factually dubious feedback reveals how people perceive your work and impact. Rather than justifying yourself, explore through listening. Hard messages still provide nutrients for self-improvement with the right mental model.

In the end, quality feedback ingestion with mindfulness and curiosity nourishes advancement. Let go of reflexive reactions; open-mindedness and understanding set positive trajectories for change. Initial digestion builds foundations for a transformative meal.

Lunch: Fuel Insights by Recognizing Patterns

After initial digestion at breakfast, thoughtful reflection at lunchtime fuels deeper insights through pattern recognition. Review your recent ingredients and presentation with an inquisitive eye. Ask what workplace combinations may have subtly influenced the flavors and aromas perceived by others over time.

Analyze your recipes - were projects under-scoped or overbuilt? Did missing ingredients leave dishes bland while overpowering spices overwhelmed occasionally? Be an objective chef reexamining your kitchen history, even if reviewer assessments seem undercooked or rely on incorrect ingredients themselves.

The goal here is uncovering potential gaps between intent and impact. What signals did your "plating" send inadvertently about priorities or relationships? Did "dietary" constraints like resources and deadlines pressure the menu? Even if reviewers misread certain dishes, probe why. This fuels self-awareness despite external misconceptions.

The pattern analysis won't always clarify accurately due to assumption risks. But the process builds emotional intelligence muscles by exposing possible blindspots. It highlights where recipe adjustments may better deliver intended results. Insight appetite enables behavioral change.

Dinner: Transform Feedback into Action Items

The proteins and nutrients gathered at breakfast and lunch become ingredients for change at dinnertime. Digestion and pattern analysis set the table to now transform feedback into tangible evolution plans.

Discuss with managers how to further showcase your strengths noted while addressing improvement areas through visible behavioral changes. If communication or collaboration is inadequate, commit to new rhythms and formats for transparency. Seek precise deadlines and cadences desired.

If prioritization requires tuning, clarify directives on project delegation vs direct ownership based on business priorities. Revalidate time allocation and scopes with execs quarterly as new initiatives emerge.

If strategy influence needs boosting, raise hands proactively for cross-functional assignments, presentations to leadership, or special projects increasing visibility. Demonstrate commitment through sustained, aligned actions targeting root causes in the feedback.

This final course converts feedback from abstraction into measurable change. The improved recipes, kitchen skill sets, and enriched ingredients manifest in more balanced, appealing meals over time. Both individual chefs and organizational palates benefit. The menu expands as more voices contribute diverse flavors.

The Feedback Feast: A Recipe for Growth

When approached systematically, feedback gets transformed from a heavy meal hard to digest into bite-sized portions of insights over time. Begin by breaking down key themes without initial judgment to understand the essentials. Reflect on contributing patterns non-defensively even if accuracy falls short. Then implement targeted changes through aligned action plans.

With the right mental model, feedback nourishes advancement through an enriching journey of digestion, enlightenment and change. Individuals grow more self-aware and effective. Teams progress through collaborative enhancement.

Think of each feedback feast as an opportunity to experiment with new ingredients, hone culinary skills and expand nutritional balance. It takes patience, courage and a growth mindset to transform feedback into fuel. But the recipe when followed brings out the flavorful best in everyone.

Bon appétit!