Beyond Compare.

Social comparison is on my mind and, lately, fuels a cheap gauge going full throttle through the roiling sea of freelance opportunity.?A smart, seasoned woman of a certain age and unquestionable ability, I sit, like the new pair of shoes conjured by a compulsive gambler, waiting for snake eyes to turn up. The job market feels more like the lottery but with fewer good odds, as a ticket holder is picked randomly and not passed over with bias.

Comparison is unavoidable and has its purpose, especially when we oppress poor unsuspecting cantaloupe or squeeze the Charmin (they asked for it).

The moment we pop through the portal, an APGAR awaits to evaluate how we exist, and every day after that, we are walking with an invisible measuring stick of our worth.?

This truth has tentacles. As a forty-year-old new mother with a daughter about six weeks old, I stood in the aisle at CVS, comparing formulas.?I would be drafted back to my job in two weeks as my then company worked harder at loopholes for limiting maternity leave than employee satisfaction.?This first big choice as a mother seemed to require think tank-level analysis, which led to the overtime in the baby zone that exposed me to other people and their unsolicited opinions.?“When are you due?” hit like a harpoon as I tried to process the words and quell the hormones.?To be honest, I don’t remember if or what I replied, but I can still feel the shame that popped my new mom bubble because I let it.?I did not know this person.?Why should their opinions matter??And why the fudge did I still look pregnant after the 12 hours of pushing out an 8 lb. 8 oz human? Thank you, comparison, for sponsoring that lovely moment of empty judgment on both ends.?

Scales and scores and social constructs and success. In the scope of life, I wish we could all care less. ?But I know we can’t. So, I share.

There is a palpable tie-in behind the iron curtain of toil for those #opentowork who should reboot self-sufficiency on the regular.?

And for anyone hiring talent of any sort, I have faith you can be honorable as you sort us.