Beyond The Battlefield:

Addressing the Hidden Struggles of Military Families in the Wake of Service.

By

Raul H Rodriguez Jr

H.R and Employee Rights Advocate

Start Date: 7/6/2024

Author’s Note:

Before final publishing, all material and research used in this official business article were warranted and approved by a secondary editor. This paper is made to honor and praise the military families within the USA, humanize them, and highlight some of the issues they face as the times roll on. For example, a childcare shortage is pushing families to a breaking point, as their time in the service has created some separation. A charity works to help military families whose relationships have been strained by service. Their stories and more will let us see behind the camo and work to understand that the well-trained soldier is just like us. Something I noticed that is fading at times. Maybe I can address the issue and reconnect some of the families with some of my research.

LinkedIn Site ID: linkedin.com/in/raul-rodriguez-jr-4488071466

Abstract

I have often heard of two different tales of the United States military. The first is the tales of honor, heroism, and the never-ending mission to bring stability to chaos. There’s a certain glamor of a soldier in uniform, with a smile knowing that he or she is fighting the good fight for the folks back home. However, remove the images of the government trying to highlight the benefits of the army and some of the negatives start to become internal. Yes, the risk of death is one; but the second series of stories is more about the after-effects of service. How stable is a family with a member in military service? One such individual faces the horror of a long-distance fight that can end in seconds. They would see the blood of fallen comrades and the smoke of burning cities if they had gotten lost in unknown territory first. The mental scars are damaging, and they haven’t left even when the man or woman in the house comes home. Relationships among the family unit are being hurt by a large lack of military support back home since the COVID-19 pandemic. ??

If the raised arguments and irritable attitudes caused the mental stress haven’t clouded the family’s structure, then the financial issues are the problem. Lacking child care, improper use of soldiers’ personal history, and issues involving the loss of a life that could happen one day. We need to get some old resources back in gear. Alongside new ideas, I will provide personality with the aid of some new technologies and terms. We must start humanizing the soldiers at arms in the army and navy. After all, before you go to protect others; you must first protect yourself. ?

Keywords:?America, Child care shortage, Military families, Charity, Relationships strained, Service, Gold Star, Biden, Shame, Mother's Day, Sons/ Daughters, U.S. Air Force.

Intro (The lifestyle of the common US solider):

Military service can challenge both service people and their families. It often means the welcoming of the husband (or wife) to the family as a pillar of pride and strength. Frequently we’re attached to the uniform as the one who wears it is usually toned and technical on a whole other level than the standard American. That deep childhood knowledge to put faith in authority figures often leads us to trust their word. However, an older couple may find things extremely different with one of them (or sometimes) being called to defend their country. Add the mental and economic issues that can arise with kids in the mix, the worry of a widowed in the work is small. As my readers know, I like the big picture more and a mental look at things too.

The soldier of the homestead is often the head of authority for his family, which leaves a lot on his or her shoulders when organizing everything. Expanding upon the list is a major effort, but my goal is to highlight the hurdles and find ways to patch things up. Explain to the kids about the long leave times one could face in the army or navy for example. Another is talking things out with the wife concerning increased arguments that may been opened up by the horror of conflict. All methods to deal with the problems will be explored, alongside some stories of trust and victory between soldiers finding balance. Maybe their idealism would rub off on everyone. The way people find a work-life balance is different for everyone in the field, so please take this article with that in mind. What works to separate the military career field from the homestead isn’t going to work with a job office. Note that I wish to highlight the removal and replacement of stress with skills that could benefit both fields. After all, those medals were earned for a reason.

Part 1: In the yard with the kids -

Our first subject starts with looking into the life of Erin Williams, the second-in-command for the 162-Soldier Headquarters Company and mother of two boys and girls (all pictured above). She has jumped out of airplanes, led a platoon in Afghanistan, and earned an Ivy League degree with her three kids at home. But the hardest thing to navigate in her military career is finding child care. In her words “Child care is the only thing that has made me consider leaving military service,” said Williams, currently serving at Fort Campbell in Kentucky (image of the place below). “I’ve worked for awesome leaders, and I think I’ve done a good job leading, but the logistics and constant stress that come from child care is the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with.”

Erin's story isn’t a single isolated event, as many soldiers in the military struggle with the need to prioritize their children during service. Raising kids is tough, but the oath taken to do it is a manageable one shared between all happy families. Education, discipline, kindness, understanding, and responsibility are pillars that can be passed down and researched to modify every time. The brain, however, seems to be hard-pressed to balance wartime trauma and command with them. This is due to the need to survive being pressed as our man/woman is in a foreign land that counts on their protection from forces of oppression. Far from home, pride takes over and discipline and responsibility to an adult party better are focused on more than more. Even if they survive, a soldier’s need to prove “I know better”; can be hurtful to their kids and themselves. Until they settle things in their mind, some help from outside is needed.

The military has offered child care on its bases for several decades after Congress mandated in 1989 that the Defense Department develop its formal childcare system. ?The Pentagon now has the nation’s largest employer-run childcare operation, providing subsidized childcare to more than 200,000 children. But like other childcare providers, it too has struggled to find enough workers since the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, leaving around 9,000 children on monthslong waitlists for military-run childcare centers (like the one pictured below). That has left military families with limited options. Privately run daycares, also struggling with worker shortages, can have waitlists that stretch one to two years — an impractical timeline for military families who often relocate with just a few months’ notice. Hiring a full-time babysitter can be a hefty financial strain, especially for newer service members with lower pay. Those usual solutions have been trying to pick up the pace since the end of the pandemic last year, but it’s taking time.

We need to optimize services to work efficiently to avoid a stall like this. I understand that daycare isn’t a popular word nowadays, but staffing a center with responsible & trained staff (who are parents themselves) could change things. The Army has been offering bonuses of around $2,000, increasing its wage to an average of $18 to $33 an hour to attract new potential care workers. They even began offering discounted child care to workers at its centers along with access to lower-cost groceries sold at some of its bases’ commissaries. This is just like how a business reaches out to employees, offering deals that cater to the needs of the employee; yet I find no catch in this. This is good, but if a bill could be passed to give some leeway time (around 2 months) for soldiers as they search for the best available; the better. A small amount just to cover child care under an agreement to find work is something Members of Congress have proposed as new legislation. Working to make the idea known could help in the end.

Part 2: Couples Therapy -

Brant and Tanya Ireland (pictured above on the left) are going to play a major part in our next piece, as an injury almost derailed their love story due to fear and the specter of the military lacking the notion to see things from the wife’s perspective. Our story starts when the pair first met in 2002. Just a year later, he joined the U.S. Army's Special Forces. Brant was deployed to Afghanistan more than half a dozen times, while Tanya, a pediatric trauma nurse, cared for their two young daughters. In 2013, Brant was part of an overnight raid operation in northeastern Afghanistan. However, during evac; he went over a steep drop-off while carrying over 150 pounds of gear. Of course, that much weight snapped a bone or two, damaging Brant’s muscle tendons. The injury was followed by 20 surgeries and hundreds of hours of rehabilitation, with Tanya at his side. She was stressed to the brink, thinking of divorce to avoid the painful realization that one day; a mistake would end Brant’s life. "Frustration and bitterness set in with me, because I saw somebody I love starting to fail," Tanya said. "I think mentally, spiritually, and that kind of infiltrated us as a couple."

This seemed like a sorrowful note to end our tale until a charity service stepped in hearing about things looking grim. Operation Healing Forces, a charity started by Gary Merkel; serves injured Special Forces veterans and their spouses with both vacation and council to heal the mind & soul. Merkel has sent more than 1,100 special operators and their partners on retreats designed to mend relationships damaged by the call of duty. Donors loan Merkel their vacation homes, and these retreats provide side services to help partners return to each other. Too good to be true right? Well, recently they signed off on a deal with Goslnt, a company that leads in digital privacy protection with their cutting-edge Faraday products. Research on sites such as Give.org and Charity Navigator shows some promising scores, with the only negative being a lack of effectiveness assessment with most of the paperwork being covered. The organization also seems pretty active with no periods of suspicious lulls in scheduling. The golf outings, clinical circles, and bazaar fairs, all are used to spread the word that there is something able to assist soldiers in repairing mental balances and their bonds with others.

Which I think is a step in the right direction. Often, we have a bad history of keeping ourselves in check when it comes to mental wellness. Like before, it is a pride thing. Admitting differences in the barrack has often been stigmatized & frowned upon as much as civilian life. To take a safe-for-work look at the script of the quintessential military film Full Metal Jacket:

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Left shoulder,?hut!

(Pyle briefly hikes his rifle to his right shoulder)

?Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved Corps?!

Pvt Pyle: Sir, I don't know, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You are dumb, Private Pyle, but do you expect me to?believe that you don't know left from right?!

Pvt Pyle: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then you did that on purpose; You want to be different!

Pvt Pyle: Sir, no, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: (slaps Private Pyle's left cheek) What side was that, Private Pyle?

Pvt Pyle: Sir, left side, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you sure, Private Pyle?

Pvt Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: (slaps Private Pyle's right cheek) What side was that, Private Pyle?

Pvt Pyle: Sir, right side, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't screw with me again, Pyle. Pick up your freaking cover.

Pvt Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!??

Being different is a sin, being a weak link means the unit is full of weak links; and when one man must be punished for his stupidity; all must be punished on equal footing. Needless to say, Gunnery Sergeant Hartman highlighted the highly masculine culture of the US Army Corp. Mental illness and trauma can’t be rubbed out the hard way though, To breakdown of a soldier and order him or her to suck it up, means you don’t care enough to see them beyond the uniform. They will suffer depression, fatigue, and stress and they will take it out on others or themselves if the pain becomes too great. Bench them and send them home, make them realize that something is wrong in the head and some vocal realization is needed to empathize rather than degrade. We all know what happened when Sergeant Hartman kept running his mouth. Throw that stereotype in the 80s, when it belonged, and work to advocate for a break with some counseling on the side. Operation Healing Forces got it right so far, other voices that see soldiers as neighbors would be most welcome.

Conclusion:

People like the men behind Operation Healing Forces and some of our own Congress see that military life isn’t as substantial with its sacrifices as it is. The generals and staff behind their operations have made the promise that they would come back home in the annuals of victory. Sadly, the promise is a contradiction if the man or woman isn’t mentally well enough to return the same. We need to help those brave men and women in uniform find serenity again and that means reconnecting them with friends & family that understand their issues with their service. If you have soldiers and marines in the military, forget the old ways of phone calls & paper trails. Give them a piece of home that is much more tangible, a memento or video that shows a face and place to the words. When they come back, get them to push away that pride that hides the grief. Sure, there will be some pushback, but they will welcome a loving hand in the end.

As for the soldiers themselves if such individuals are reading this. Search for similar services or speak with an official on base if you need come way to restore mental awareness. If financials or children are an issue, work with others to support the changes to the army’s childcare services. The changes we discussed are happening and if a few more hands can be swayed to see a reason to improve the programs in place, things can get better. ?You have time to seek help, time to deal with the nightmares & false hopes, and use it well to come to an understanding. You, as cheesy as it sounds; aren’t married to the military. You have friends & loved ones who seek your best traits, don’t let the battlefield or mental failure drown them out. There is nothing wrong with admitting shame, it takes a real hero to accept it and cry for aid. ???? ?

Works Cited and Links to Check Out:

Pettypiece, Shannon. “America’s Child Care Shortage Is Pushing Military Families to a Breaking Point.” NBCNews.Com, NBCUniversal News Group, 28 May 2024, www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/americas-child-care-shortage-pushing-military-families-breaking-point-rcna149072.

Herridge, Catherine, and Kerry Breen. “Charity Works to Help Military Families Whose Relationships Have Been Strained by Service.” CBS News, CBS Interactive, 11 Nov. 2023, www.cbsnews.com/news/charity-helps-military-families-whose-relationships-have-been-strained-by-service/.

Baehr, Jasmine, and Fox News Writing Team. “Gold Star Family Speaks out after Biden Falsely Claims No Troops Have Died on His Watch: ‘Shame on You.’” Fox News, FOX News Network, 29 June 2024, www.foxnews.com/politics/gold-star-family-speaks-out-after-biden-falsely-claims-no-troops-have-died-his-watch.

Yu, Yi-Jin. “Mom of 3 to Spend Mother’s Day Deployed with Daughter.” ABC News, ABC News Network, 9 May 2024, abcnews.go.com/GMA/Family/mom-3-spend-mothers-day-deployed-daughter/story?id=110074719.

Scott, Rachel, and Sarah Beth Hensley. “Military Families Brace for Loss of Paycheck, Services under a Government Shutdown.” ABC News, ABC News Network, 27 Sept. 2023, abcnews.go.com/Politics/military-families-brace-loss-paycheck-services-government-shutdown/story?id=103536958.