Beyond the Ask: Building Authentic Relationships in Fundraising

In episode 51 of Lead with Heart, I had the pleasure of chatting with Kel Haney , a former theater director turned fundraising expert, about her journey and insights into cultivating meaningful donor relationships.?

If you want to check that out, I’ll add the episode player below so you can tune into the full episode where you will learn how reframing fundraising as community building can strengthen donor loyalty and engagement over the long term.

During our conversation, Kel dialed in on taking the “ick” out of the “ask” when it comes to fundraising.?

Specifically, we discussed how to transform those awkward, transactional moments into genuine relationship-building opportunities.

With over 20 years of experience in the performing arts world and nonprofit fundraising, Kel has invaluable insights on cultivating donors through empathy, understanding and community.? Let's explore how Kel's approach can reshape our perspectives on fundraising.

1. Building Authentic Connections
2. Empowering Your Team for Success
3. The Art of the Ask: Making it Natural

1. Building Authentic Connections

Fundraising isn't just about asking for money ?? it's about building authentic connections.

It's not just about asking for support ?? it's about creating connections that resonate deeply with donors.

At the core of Kel’s approach to fundraising is engaging in five-minute conversations that go beyond the surface.

“I don't like to have surface conversations; I want to have conversations where we're going deep.” -Kel Haney

One of the most profound aspects of her work has been uncovering personal narratives. Recently, she was moved by the shared stories of board members recalling their first encounters with fundraising as children. These stories, spanning decades, illuminated moments where fundraising felt awkward or uplifting—a reminder that our experiences shape how we view philanthropy.

Central to these conversations are questions that reveal what makes fundraising interactions feel uncomfortable versus uplifting.?

Exploring participants' money mindsets and personal histories allows us to understand why certain approaches resonate while others fall flat. It's about creating an environment where individuals feel heard and valued, not pressured.

In a world where fundraising often feels transactional, Kel advocates for vulnerability and depth. By embracing our personal stories and motivations, we foster connections that endure beyond the ask.

2. Empowering Your Team for Success

Effective fundraising involves the entire organization.?

It's about fostering a culture where everyone feels empowered to share their passion for the cause.

“I think it's important in the social impact sector to realize that everyone's a fundraiser, the more that we can embed fundraising, not just the person who's making that ask or who's in charge of sending the thank you letters, but realizing that everybody involved with a not for profit is an ambassador for that organization.” -Kel Haney

When team members are empowered to articulate their personal motivations and passions, they become authentic advocates for the cause.?

“It’s about empowering each person to really adopt their own why, to get really clear on their own why and get comfortable sharing that and knowing that's part of being a member of this organization.” -Kel Haney

This authenticity resonates deeply with supporters and strengthens relationships with the community.

3. The Art of the Ask: Making it Natural

The ask doesn't have to be intimidating or awkward.

Starting with gratitude sets the tone for a respectful dialogue. Acknowledging and appreciating a donor's past contributions before diving into any ask demonstrates genuine appreciation and recognition of their impact.?

It transforms the conversation from a transactional exchange into a heartfelt engagement, where the donor feels valued and respected.

During Kel’s training sessions, she often encounters fundraisers eager to close the conversation swiftly upon hearing a potential no. This is no bueno.

Instead, she emphasizes the importance of listening attentively, reflecting back what has been shared, and exploring alternative ways for the donor to remain engaged.?

This approach shifts the focus from a binary outcome (yes or no) to a continuous journey of relationship building.

Fundraising isn't just about securing donations—it's about inviting individuals into a community, sharing stories of impact, and offering opportunities for meaningful involvement.?

It's about creating a space where donors feel seen, heard, and appreciated for their unique contributions, whether financial or otherwise.

The key is to approach each ask as an offering—an invitation to join in the vision and mission of our organization.?

By keeping the conversation light, intentional, and focused on building rapport, we ensure that every interaction leaves a positive impression.

“At the end of the day we cannot control whether or not someone says yes or no. But we can control them learning more about the organization by how we're engaging with them. And that's what I care about.” -Kel Haney

Kel's approach underscores a fundamental shift in fundraising—from mere solicitation to genuine relationship cultivation.?

It's about inviting individuals to join a community, where their contributions matter far beyond financial support.?

By embracing Kel’s strategies, we not only redefine our approach to fundraising but also ensure that each interaction resonates with authenticity and purpose.

Let's harness this newfound understanding to foster stronger, more meaningful connections within our communities. Together, we can empower our teams, engage our donors authentically, and collectively drive impactful change.

Nonprofit teams often work in silos, which can lead to staff burnout and donor attrition, ultimately, hurts the people we serve. I help nonprofits raise more money through fundraising training, “done for you” fund development strategy, and campaign implementation.?

?? If you want to learn more about ways we can collaborate and work together, please visit my website, https://thesavvyfundraiser.com/ .

As the fundraising engine of choice for over 80,000 organizations in 90+ countries, Donorbox’s easy-to-use fundraising tools help you raise more money in more ways. Seamlessly embed a customizable donation form into your website that reduces donor drop-off with a 4x faster checkout, launch a crowdfunding or peer-to-peer campaign, sell event tickets, raise funds on the go with Donorbox Live? Kiosk, and much more.

?? Visit donorbox.org to learn more.

LEAD WITH HEART PODCAST:?

Subscribe and join me and my guests as we share strategies and practices they have used to heal from burnout, drive their missions forward, raise more revenue, and make a greater impact.?

?? Available on Apple , Spotify , and Google Podcasts !