BEWITCHED AND BE DITCHED
? by karen moller
?
Just for a laugh I am posting this brief synopsis of my new manuscript Bewiched and Be Ditched. I did not intend to make this true story a Boulevard comedy, but in its absurdity it has the potential to make people laugh as they would for a such a comedy. Here we have Edgar the husband, a brilliant, intelligent poet/singer, who after a four-day orgy with an uneducated religious Columbian groupie half his age, deserts his loving wife of twenty years. This aging 84-year-old cockerel’s imagination has taken fire, and he thinks he can not only start his life all over again with this young chicken, but since he believes she has a direct connection with God and the Madonna, she will help him find his Christian identity. It seems likely he left it in a closet somewhere. Unable to confront his wife, he dumps her without a word and takes off in his wife’s car for the love nest he has set up in Belgium.
Edgar’s logic fails to impress, although his absurdity makes quite an impact when he claims the groupie bewitched and emotionally vampirized him.?All?worthy of Augustine’s tribulations especially as he leaves his wife a present, an iPad of porno exchanges between himself and this groupie. After doubts about his unhinged decision, he makes an attempt to rekindle their partnership. In a moment of weakness, he returns to Paris with the groupie and hides herb in a hotel room, which is discovered. No way is the groupie going to let her fish off the hock. No way will she let him reconcile with his wife.?
After God tells him to?Renounce,?Edgar separates from the groupie. Still hoping for a reconciliation, he tells his wife he is going to Madrid to return her possessions. Instead, he invites the groupie to the Canaries and suggests they can marry there. By then the reader would likely be laughing hysterically if one can actually laugh about perverse sex and this fanatically praying groupie mixing up God with Hitler in the belief it is Hitler who will come back to save the world.
The ending of this true story is likely to make people cry rather than laughed when they discover a few days before Edgar renewed attempts at reconciliation he has invited this groupie back for Saint Valentine’s Day and tells her he loves her more than he has ever loved another woman. This poet and man of words claims these words are meaningless, without importance. Of course. what else could he say??
Life?does not imitate art; it often imitates bad television. This story could be enhanced by the?protagonist administering a dose of cyanide to the guilty party and only then, if like Paul Auster’s grandmother, the betrayed wife got off the rap because the judge decided the sinner merited his punishment. Couldn’t happen today, could it? And no the wife didn’t administering a dose of cyanide although she felt like it, but she did dump Edgar. And the groupie dumped Edgar in a terrifying rage, when he admitted he was not rich and did not have the green backs to be her Sugar Daddy.?