Beware of Tiger-Toddler mode!
Picking Battles...
When we are upset it’s easy to let the tiger loose! Especially if it’s about your child. But ripping into something can often have horrible consequences and leave you red faced. It’s important to do some self regulation to get those frontal lobes, the logical thinking parts of your brain, back online before you respond. If you don’t you will be responding from the more tiger part of your brain… which is equivalent in logic and behaviour to the 2 year old losing it in the toy isle because mommy said no!
When something upsetting occurs, after you’re feeling more regulated and able to breathe you need to ask a lot of questions to ensure you’ve considered other possibilities and view points. As they saying goes every story has at least 3 sides. You also need to ask yourself why you are finding it so triggering. When we are triggered into one of these tiger-toddler like moments, its often because of a past event or because some sort of belief of ours has been challenged. For example if you are someone who easily feels rejected, hearing your daughter wasn’t invited to a party might make you see red. You might find yourself screaming at the host mom demanding your child is invited. Instead you could have used this as an opportunity. For example finding out what’s happening with your child socially or using this as a great time to learn we can’t always all be invited to everything. Taking time to understand and choose the best response usually leads to better outcomes.
Next time you feel the Tiger-Toddler Emerging, think of a traffic light. Tiger-toddler puts you at the red light where you must self regulate. It only turns orange once you are calmer. At orange you need to undertake fully investigating the situation including knowing why you find it upsetting. Once you have a course of action you’ve got the green to respond.
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Did you know in therapy I teach regulation skills and help you uncover your triggers? If you’re finding it hard to keep your tiger at bay do consider reaching out for professional help.
Shelley Hall
Clinical Psychologist
Conceptualise. Target. Advance.