Beware of the people who talk behind your back

It depends on what they say behind your back. Its possible they are saying things specifically to boost your reputation. Maybe they are saying things without any intention to hurt you. Maybe they have a policy of being honest in all interactions. If they are lying about you, maybe there is a problem there. If they are revealing specific things you have asked secrecy on, that is a problem. If they are saying things that are true but maybe a little negative about you, I see no problem. If they are saying things that are not true that affect you in a negative way, that is a problem. If what they say disrespects you, that is a problem.

People gossip, period. We talk about other people as part of our daily conversation with friends and family members. Have you not talked about your co-workers with your significant other over dinner table? Have you not complained about your boss with your colleagues during lunch break? Have you not whine about your boyfriend with your BFF during a girl night's out? We live around other people, we talk about other people, other people talk about us.

I've never met one single person who doesn't talk about other people while the said person isn't present during such conversation. That's just how we are as human being. As long as that person doesn't talk about things you share with him in private, as long as that person don't speak ill or make up lies about you, as long as that person don't release your private information, I consider them trust worthy.

The bottom line is, if there's something I don't want other people to know, I will not tell anyone. As for things I did or stuff I say, I stand by my action. By all means, talk all you like. Sure, some people live for higher ideal. I admire these people, if they exist. This is particularly tough for shy sensitive people. It doesn’t say anything about you, it says something about them. Some people just like to talk, and if they’re a little insecure, they like to talk about others. And if you’re not there, they’ll talk about you. You can’t really change it, the question is, how will you deal with it?

If these same people come to you for advice, then they probably respect you more than their behavior might indicate. It’s hard to forgive someone who talks behind your back, but often it’s really not personal. It just makes them feel better about themselves to have someone else to criticize, or they don’t have the guts to stand up for you in front of the others. I have friends that I’ll associate with who’ve talked smack about me, and I’ll let it slide because I’m secure enough in who I am that it doesn’t bother me too much, and I know that I’ve been guilty of the same thing often enough.

However, those aren’t the friends that I trust the most and rely on to have my back. Often, when we criticize other people, it’s about a specific area of their behavior that’s annoying, or not quite to our taste. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t other aspects about them that we like and admire. In a perfect world, our friends would never let us down. Unfortunately, this world (and our friends) are definitely not perfect. If we demand perfection from our friends, we won’t have any. So forgive and accept - until there’s a line crossed that you can’t accept. If that happens, forgive again, and move on to other friends who’ve proven themselves.

Gossiping is something a person with insecurities does. If you are honestly and truly content with yourself gossiping wouldn't be a problem. Someone who could be swayed to gossip has probably got an insecurity and gossiping will give them a chance to point out somebody else's insecurities and let them avoid their own. Then that person who was gossiped about will do the same thing and it ends up being a vicious cycle of unhealthy gossip. In order to be accepting of others, you need to be accepting of yourself. Gossip is not only unhealthy for the person who is victimised, but it is unhealthy for the person who is doing it.

Be yourself, forget what they say. Don't you dare let what they say effect who you are and how you express yourself. Be you authentically. And I promise you'll find people who have more to do with their time than talk behind your back. The problem often is, people are bored and don't have anything consuming their time that is character building or creating success in their own lives, so they gossip. That is nothing to do with you, even if they're talking about you, its not a personal thing, its really not about you. This is a reflection of their own lives and personal feelings about themselves. And the quicker you come to terms with and accept that. The easier it will be for you to understand them, forgive them, and move forward with your own goals. I really encourage you to start doing so as well. Set and practice healthy boundaries with people.

You can always try to talk to them and ask about the situation, be prepared for lies and be prepared for the truth. If you get a lie, you need to accept they aren't your friend, and move on from there. However, you might just get the truth, and if you do, and its something involving your character and how you've maybe made them feel, be open to understand, and try to work with them to create a better relationship with them. I will say, and this is only from my own personal experience in life, the second is almost never a thing. So prepare yourself if you choose to communicate with them about it.

The easiest way to know that someone is talking behind your back is to listen to whatever topic they usually discuss with you. If the conversation is all about gossiping, belittling, mocking someone else, the probability of them talking about you behind your back to other people is very high. The rule is generally if you talking bad about Mr A to Mr B and Mr B didn’t ask you anything about Mr A, then the person will probably be talking about Mr B to Mr A. Would you stay friend with a two-faced who’s been constantly badmouthing you behind your back and come back to you smirking there, by acting as if there was nothing wrong. No, no way.

Don’t even waste your time asking this question here, you already know the answer. Don’t bother yourself with that kind of relation. You waste your time and your energy with someone who doesn’t deserve to be your friend. You should not care about the neighborhood, forget about him or about her. Find truthful friends on your way who really care for you and who will never betray your friendship. Cheers!