Beware the many dangers of oversharing

This week I'm at a writer's retreat in Florida - where I'm hard at work on my how-to book, how to forge more meaningful connections with others - and yourself.

But first, let's examine one often well-intended communication behavior that can backfire. The tendency to overshare. Showing vulnerability is one thing, but sharing the tiniest bits of minutia from every heart ache or physical pain or whatever else pops into your head and out of your mouth- may be the last thing you should do - especially depending on your audience.

So, while I'm enjoying the solitude and focus here in Florida, I hope you enjoy reading and contemplating about the potential pitfalls associated with our bare-it-all culture! :)

Read below or click the link here to view my column, "The Communicator" on Ireland's largest circulated newspaper, "The Sunday Independent."

Kindly, Gina

The phone rang from the Communications Director of a certain organisation.

 Their CEO had asked her to call me to provide managerial development coaching for their incoming president.

“Before I meet with the president myself,” I began, “is there any particular behavioural trait this person exhibits which is prompting this call?”

“Well,” the Comms Director hesitated. “He is obviously an expert in his field, he usually speaks well and is engaging with other people…but….” A pause.

“Yes? Is there something else?” I urged.

“Well, he talks about everything. With everyone. With anyone. He is an ‘oversharer.’”

Ah. The Oversharer. This person is not limited only to those hapless individuals who feel compelled to post every nitty-gritty detail about their life on their subsequently ridiculous social media accounts. Clearly this gaffe can attack even the highest ranking professional as my Comms Director was pointing out.

When you are unable to first make a thoughtful judgement about the level of intimate trust you have with another person before mindlessly blurting out some needless piece of information about yourself, you too, are guilty of oversharing.

In short, if you think you are oversharing, you probably are.

The risk is real. You risk embarrassing yourself, alienating others and generally sullying your reputation. Here, then, are my tips:

1. Take responsibility

No surprise here. Changing this behaviour is all up to you. You are in control of what comes out of your mouth when you speak. I often suggest writing things down as a way to make any behavioural change issue clearer for you. It’s also a great way to track your progress if you keep notes throughout your efforts to transform. Curtailing your tendency to overshare is no exception to this rule.

First, write down a statement that acknowledges you have the tendency. If you can remember, briefly recount a couple of times in the past you have overshared. What did you say? How did people visibly react? What was the immediate result? The lasting impact? After you recount the incident, now write why it is important that you limit giving too much information.

Thirdly, and most important of all, what will you do to prevent yourself from going off the rails again? If you’re asked by a colleague about your personal relationship, for example, and something indeed did take place, it doesn’t mean you have to go into it with them. 

Draft an elegant dodge. This is perfectly acceptable. You are not being interviewed by a reporter. Saying something like, “I’d rather not get into it, I’m / We’re working through things”, answers a mountain of questions. Practice giving your replacement line or lines many times out loud to generate the muscle memory you’ll need to muscle through your desire to overshare.

You don’t want details of your personal life to distract from your ambition, plans or goals in the workplace. I understand that you might be tempted here to refer me back to that president I was asked to work with. He clearly got ahead despite his oversharing. But I would argue that who knows how much more quickly he may had ascended otherwise. And of course, the limits to your own trajectory also depend on what type of information you overshare. Staying vigilant is a good guideline.

 2. Maintain control during after-hours

Some jobs involve after-hours networking, receptions and assorted hospitality events for clients. During these, there’s often alcohol involved. I’m calling again for you to take responsibility. Stay clear of the booze – or limit yourself to just one glass of prosecco. Keep your professional guard up. If you’re tasked with greeting the managing director of a new organisation that may be a prospective client for your company, keep your conversation high-level. Asking more questions of the other person is a great way to prevent you from filling in the conversation gaps with unwanted news about you. 

3. Rein in your social media

Finally, think before you post. Once, while scrolling my general Twitter feed, I came across a post that instantly brought to my mind a clever quip. At least I thought it was extremely clever until I gave a little thought to what I was about to do. What was the purpose of me typing this quip? Just because it popped into my head wasn’t good enough. Who was I aligning myself with in the thread of tweets? Was the sarcastic comment and commenter that kicked the thread off really something or someone with whom I wanted to be connected? 

Remember, your brand is not only perceived through your own tweets, but by those you like or retweet. 

Case in point, the American Tweeter-in-Chief.

In addition to Twitter, if you’re linking with co-workers on platforms beyond LinkedIn, you need to pay close attention to what you say and what photos you post. It’s not new news that plenty of people have lost their jobs over posts they made off-hours and away from work premises. 

You are what you post. So, when it comes to oversharing, take the advice from my dear mom who told me (to just about any question I had),

“When in doubt, don’t.” 

With corporate clients in five continents, Gina London is a premier communications strategy, structure and delivery expert. She is also a media analyst, author, speaker and former CNN anchor. @TheGinaLondon