Beverage category director MIA emerges from jungle after two years perfectly hydrated

It's the survival story of a generation: after two years being lost deep in the Amazon rainforest, beverage category director Jill Jones (34) was reuinted with her family. Albeit tired and sunburnt, she was in good spirits and remarkably well hydrated.

We caught up with Jill a few weeks later at her home, on the outskirts of Atlanta, GA.

TWD: "Tell us what brought you and your team to the Amazon rainforest in the first place."

JJ: "We were hiking off-trail in search of a water source my branding agency had spotted on Wikipedia. Known only from a notebook left by a legendary Spanish conquistador, and referring to its spiritual importance for the native Tupi's. It was of utmost importance we find this source for its unique storytelling potential. Just imagine the RTB and Compelling Benefit for a hydrating low-cal refreshing beverage, we'd stand out a mile. I saw a brand universe we could build upon for decades."

TWD: "What happened, how did you get separated from the group?"

JJ: "We had in fact already given up and returned to base camp. But that day I'd only done 8,000 steps, so I thought I'd go for one more round in the area. That's when I got lost."

TWD: "That must have been terrifying!"

JJ: "Yes, especially because I have gluten intolerance and I had no idea what to eat out in the bush. It's barren. Like, where do you find electrolytes in a rainforest? What's the lactose situation in fern sap? Which of all these plants stores plant protein? Orchids? Vines? It was hard. Luckily I had two bottles of raw coconut water on me, which lasted well into the next day. That same afternoon I found the water source."

TWD: "Wow. Was it as magical as the conquistador's legend describes?"

JJ: "Hey, it's water from a crack in a rock, H-2-O. We create the magic up here at H-Q. And I discovered the source was also conveniently used as irrigation point for a whole village 500m away. The Tupi decendants grow a very nice purple fava bean, with yet undiscovered but aspirational digestive properties for 18-36 year olds with a sedentary lifestyle."

TWD: "But you were gone for almost two years?"

JJ: "Do you know bureaucracy in Brazil? It's monstrous. I wanted an export license on the fava beans, took me 20 months. Hydration is so 2018, whereas native-inspired Digestive 2.0 is the future. My team are splicing the fava bean DNA as we speak and trademarking the claims architecture."

TWD: "How very insightful, inspiring and brave! Tell us how've you found re-integrating into daily life since you returned? Must have been quite a shock."

JJ: "At first I didn't understand why everyone was wearing masks all of a sudden. I thought the little devils at Listerine had done another Halitosis. Or some air-hygiene play by Lysol. Apart from that, it's the same old, same old story."

Tail Wag Dog: #satire, #humor for business in a crazy world.

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