Is there a better way? Maybe just a different one?

In both the digital and working world, I am seeing a tendency to oversimplify and generalize our views of others, often in a negative manner. “THEY always do that” – “THEY never do that”.? At times, those criticized are leaders; at others, the focus is on a front-line staff member. Sometimes, the disparaging generalization is linked to a specific gender, culture, generation or political party. “They” might be in reference to an entire group or simply one individual.

Honestly, I find these comments disheartening, regardless of whether I personally identify or align with the actions or views of the group being criticized.

I say this for a few reasons:

1. Not all leaders are the same. Most leaders with whom I work genuinely care about their teams and want the best for their organizations. They put in long hours performing a multitude of different tasks (staffing, budgets, operations, attending at meetings and even more meetings) trying to support those around them. While this does not excuse or justify the damage caused by specific leaders who engage in unacceptable conduct, we need to remind ourselves that they do not represent the entire group – not even close.
2. Not all employees are the same. Most employees I meet are passionate about their work and are committed to doing a great job. Staff in hospitals, cities, schools and housing/roads/construction come to work daily to support those around them. Many put in long hours of overtime, away from their families, to ensure the rest of us receive the services we need. While there are some staff in every workplace who underproduce and misbehave, they are the exception, not the norm.
3. I have interviewed people from all genders, generations and cultures, most of whom have been very respectful (and some, not so much). I have met my share of considerate and inconsiderate people from all walks of life, having differing political beliefs and lived experiences. By far, the number of humans who are well-intentioned, considerate and respectful significantly outweighs the few who are not. No group is perfect. That said, all groups include some truly amazing human beings.
4. Finally, I have met and worked with individuals (staff and leaders alike) who – at certain times in their lives – have made critical errors and have said and done some very disrespectful things. However, these same individuals – at other times – have been incredibly supportive and helpful to the community around them. Their positive days do not excuse their negative ones – but their missteps should not cancel out their contributions.

Work is complicated, humans are complicated, dynamics between humans at work are complicated. Try as we might, and as insightful as we may be, most groups, individuals and situations cannot be fairly summed up in a meme, quip or one-liner.??

Not only are they misleading, over-generalizations also are neither respectful nor helpful. They form part of the “pounce on you, blame and shame” culture which, in my experience, fails to evoke the positive change we all wish to seek. Instead, they trigger a defensive counter response and a “digging in of the heels”.

My resolution this fall is to catch myself when I reactively think or say “they never”, “they always” in the midst of a disagreement with or disappointment in others. I will then ask myself “Really? Is that really true?” Before answering, I will challenge myself to find examples of “their behavior” that disprove my generalization – because I believe those examples are out there, if we are willing to look for them.??

Finally, I am going to skip past the posts that persistently criticize specific groups and individuals. They might get “likes” but they’re inaccurate, negative and exhausting. Let’s work to use our creative energies to educate, unite and build, rather than denigrate, divide and destroy. That way, we are part of the solution to building a healthier culture.

To continue the conversation about fostering respect and civility in the workplace, and to address any questions or concerns you may have, please get in touch with me at [email protected]. Let's work together to create a healthier, more respectful organizational culture.

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